what is parenting essay

What Is Parenting? What Does It Mean to Be a Parent?

What, really, is parenting? Often, people are excited when they learn that they’re expecting their first child. Certainly, other emotions float in and out. Questions form, such as, “Is it really better to breastfeed? What if I can’t?” or, “How do you get a baby to fall asleep in the middle of the night?” These questions and others like them are important. Two of the most important questions, though, are often overlooked: “What is parenting?” and “What does it mean to be a parent?” Understanding the essence of parenting can help you create your own meaningful definition of parenting that will guide you through the incredible roller coaster of the parenting journey.

What Is Parenting?

Examining dictionary definitions of parenting is a helpful start. Sources such as Merriam-Webster, the Cambridge Dictionary, Collins Dictionary, and Dictionary.com define what parenting is in very similar ways. Using an amalgam of these official sources, the definition of parenting includes elements like these:

• The process of raising a child from birth to independent adulthood
• Facilitating the upbringing of a child through all stages of development
• Caring for and nurturing a child
• Fulfilling the parental responsibilities that accompany child-raising
• The act of caring for a child rather than the biological connection to a child
• Establishing a healthy environment as the child grows—taking actions to ensure social development and education that aligns with your values
• Providing a financially stable home life (note: this is not the same as being wealthy)
• Adjusting to the changing needs of a child as they grow and develop

These definitions are accurate and helpful, providing some insight into what parenting is. However, they are a bit stark and black-and-white, delineating a definition of parenting as a simple checklist. In that respect, they fall a bit short of a valuable parenting education . Parenting can also be described as the meaning it holds for parents.

What Does It Mean to Be a Parent?

Good parenting isn’t just a robotic tending to the needs of a child. While this care is crucial, it’s not the only aspect of parenting. The American Psychological Association (n.d.) describes three primary goals of parenting; only the first one involves basic needs.

• Keeping children healthy and safe
• Preparing kids for independent adulthood
• Teaching values that align with the parents’ culture

Similarly, the organization Proud 2 Parent (2017) lists these concepts as parenting definitions:

• Meeting basic needs
• Preparation

Keeping kids safe and healthy and providing basic needs are crucial survival needs. Parenting involves these other missions, too, responsibilities that infuse parenting with deeper meaning.

Preparing children for adulthood is the overarching role of a parent . A phrase to illustrate the idea is this: You’re not raising a child; you’re raising an adult. Every day, parents make choices and act in deliberate ways to help shape their children into people with character, respect, a sense of responsibility, motivation, and skills to help them be both successful as kids and as adults. Leading relates to this preparation. Parents’ actions speak louder than words; indeed, leading by example is more effective than lecturing.

While it seems like this preparation and leading by example are heavy responsibilities that require multiple parenting skills , they’re also fun. This preparation is done largely through outings together, playing games together, generally living life together. Preparation is about actions.  It can create strong parent-child bonds and infuses parenting with meaning.

Parental meaning, maybe even stronger than preparation, is the act and attitude of unconditional love. Raising kids can be challenging and peppered with difficult times; however, when your relationship is rooted in love, you have a bond that remains strong and can bring you together any time you disagree and argue. Loving your children nurtures them and helps them thrive. A hug, a kiss on the head, laughter, and the joy of being together is perhaps the best description of the meaning of parenting. It’s what parenting is all about.

article references

APA Reference Peterson, T. (2022, January 11). What Is Parenting? What Does It Mean to Be a Parent?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/parenting-skills-strategies/what-is-parenting-what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-parent

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (2016)

Chapter: 1 introduction, 1 introduction.

Parents are among the most important people in the lives of young children. 1 From birth, children are learning and rely on mothers and fathers, as well as other caregivers acting in the parenting role, to protect and care for them and to chart a trajectory that promotes their overall well-being. While parents generally are filled with anticipation about their children’s unfolding personalities, many also lack knowledge about how best to provide for them. Becoming a parent is usually a welcomed event, but in some cases, parents’ lives are fraught with problems and uncertainty regarding their ability to ensure their child’s physical, emotional, or economic well-being.

At the same time, this study was fundamentally informed by recognition that the task of ensuring children’s healthy development does not rest solely with parents or families. It lies as well with governments and organizations at the local/community, state, and national levels that provide programs and services to support parents and families. Society benefits socially and economically from providing current and future generations of parents with the support they need to raise healthy and thriving children ( Karoly et al., 2005 ; Lee et al., 2015 ). In short, when parents and other caregivers are able to support young children, children’s lives are enriched, and society is advantaged by their contributions.

To ensure positive experiences for their children, parents draw on the resources of which they are aware or that are at their immediate disposal.

___________________

1 In this report, “parents” refers to the primary caregivers of young children in the home. In addition to biological and adoptive parents, main caregivers may include kinship (e.g., grandparents), foster, and other types of caregivers.

However, these resources may vary in number, availability, and quality at best, and at worst may be offered sporadically or not at all. Resources may be close at hand (e.g., family members), or they may be remote (e.g., government programs). They may be too expensive to access, or they may be substantively inadequate. Whether located in early childhood programs, school-based classrooms, well-child clinics, or family networks, support for parents of young children is critical to enhancing healthy early childhood experiences, promoting positive outcomes for children, and helping parents build strong relationships with their children (see Box 1-1 ).

The parent-child relationship that the parent described in Box 1-1 sought and continues to work toward is central to children’s growth and

development—to their social-emotional and cognitive functioning, school success, and mental and physical health. Experiences during early childhood affect children’s well-being over the course of their lives. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life, when children’s brains are developing rapidly and when nearly all of their experiences are created and shaped by their parents and by the positive or difficult circumstances in which the parents find themselves. Parents play a significant role in helping children build and refine their knowledge and skills, as well as their learning expectations, beliefs, goals, and coping strategies. Parents introduce children to the social world where they develop understandings of themselves and their place and value in society, understandings that influence their choices and experiences over the life course.

PURPOSE OF THIS STUDY

Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting-related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting-related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important to promoting child well-being, and what is known about effective parenting has not always been adequately integrated across different service sectors to give all parents the information and support they need. Moreover, knowledge about effective parenting has not been effectively incorporated into policy, which has resulted in a lack of coordinated and targeted efforts aimed at supporting parents.

Several challenges to the implementation of effective parenting practices exist as well. One concerns the scope and complexity of hardships that influence parents’ use of knowledge, about effective parenting, including their ability to translate that knowledge into effective parenting practices and their access to and participation in evidence-based parenting-related programs and services. Many families in the United States are affected by such hardships, which include poverty, parental mental illness and substance use, and violence in the home. A second challenge is inadequate attention to identifying effective strategies for engaging and utilizing the strengths of fathers, discussed later in this chapter and elsewhere in this report. Even more limited is the understanding of how mothers, fathers, and other caregivers together promote their children’s development and analysis of the effects of fathers’ parenting on child outcomes. A third challenge is limited knowledge of exactly how culture and the direct effects of racial discrimination influence childrearing beliefs and practices or children’s development ( National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2000 ). Despite acknowledgment of and attention to the importance of culture in

the field of developmental science, few studies have explored differences in parenting among demographic communities that vary in race and ethnicity, culture, and immigrant experience, among other factors, and the implications for children’s development.

In addition, the issue of poverty persists, with low-income working families being particularly vulnerable to policy and economic shifts. Although these families have benefited in recent years from the expansion of programs and policies aimed at supporting them (discussed further below), the number of children living in deep poverty has increased ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ). 2 Moreover, the portrait of America’s parents and children has changed over the past 50 years as a result of shifts in the numbers and origins of immigrants to the United States and in the nation’s racial, ethnic, and cultural composition ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ; Migration Policy Institute, 2016 ). Family structure also has grown increasingly diverse across class, race, and ethnicity, with fewer children now being raised in households with two married parents; more living with same-sex parents; and more living with kinship caregivers, such as grandparents, and in other household arrangements ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ). Lastly, parenting increasingly is being shaped by technology and greater access to information about parenting, some of which is not based in evidence and much of which is only now being studied closely.

The above changes in the nation’s demographic, economic, and technological landscape, discussed in greater detail below, have created new opportunities and challenges with respect to supporting parents of young children. Indeed, funding has increased for some programs designed to support children and families. At the state and federal levels, policy makers recently have funded new initiatives aimed at expanding early childhood education ( Barnett et al., 2015 ). Over the past several years, the number of states offering some form of publicly funded prekindergarten program has risen to 39, and after slight dips during the Great Recession of 2008, within-state funding of these programs has been increasing ( Barnett et al., 2015 ). Furthermore, the 2016 federal budget allocates about $750 million for state-based preschool development grants focused on improved access and better quality of care and an additional $1 billion for Head Start programs ( U.S. Department of Education, 2015 ; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2015 ). The federal budget also includes additional funding for the expansion of early childhood home visiting programs ($15 billion over the next 10 years) and increased access to child care for low-income working families ($28 billion over 10 years) ( U.S. Department

2 Deep poverty is defined as household income that is 50 percent or more below the federal poverty level (FPL). In 2015, the FPL for a four-person household was $24,250 ( Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation, 2015 ).

of Health and Human Services, 2015 ). Low-income children and families have been aided as well in recent years by increased economic support from government in the form of both cash benefits (e.g., the Earned Income Tax Credit and the Child Tax Credit) and noncash benefits (e.g., Temporary Assistance for Needy Families and the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), and millions of children and their families have moved out of poverty as a result ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ).

It is against this backdrop of need and opportunity that the Administration for Children and Families, the Bezos Family Foundation, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the David and Lucile Packard Foundation, the Health Resources and Services Administration, the U.S. Department of Education, the Foundation for Child Development, the Heising-Simons Foundation, and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) requested that the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine empanel a committee to conduct a study to examine the state of the science with respect to parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices tied to positive parent-child interactions and child outcomes and strategies for supporting them among parents of young children ages 0-8. The purpose of this study was to provide a roadmap for the future of parenting and family support policies, practices, and research in the United States.

The statement of task for the Committee on Supporting the Parents of Young Children is presented in Box 1-2 . The committee was tasked with describing barriers to and facilitators for strengthening parenting capacity and parents’ participation and retention in salient programs and services. The committee was asked to assess the evidence and then make recommendations whose implementation would promote wide-scale adoption of effective strategies for enabling the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Given the multi- and interdisciplinary nature of the study task, the 18-member committee comprised individuals with an array of expertise, including child development, early childhood education, developmental and educational psychology, child psychiatry, social work, family engagement research, pediatric medicine, public and health policy, health communications, implementation science, law, and economics (see Appendix D for biosketches of the committee members).

WHAT IS PARENTING?

Conceptions of who parents are and what constitute the best conditions for raising children vary widely. From classic anthropological and human development perspectives, parenting often is defined as a primary mechanism of socialization, that is, a primary means of training and preparing children to meet the demands of their environments and take advantage

of opportunities within those environments. As Bornstein (1991, p. 6) explains, the “particular and continuing task of parents and other caregivers is to enculturate children . . . to prepare them for socially accepted physical, economic, and psychological situations that are characteristic of the culture in which they are to survive and thrive.”

Attachment security is a central aspect of development that has been

defined as a child’s sense of confidence that the caregiver is there to meet his or her needs ( Main and Cassidy, 1988 ). All children develop attachments with their parents, but how parents interact with their young children, including the extent to which they respond appropriately and consistently to their children’s needs, particularly in times of distress, influences whether the attachment relationship that develops is secure or insecure. Young chil-

dren who are securely attached to their parents are provided a solid foundation for healthy development, including the establishment of strong peer relationships and the ability to empathize with others ( Bowlby, 1978 ; Chen et al., 2012 ; Holmes, 2006 ; Main and Cassidy, 1988 ; Murphy and Laible, 2013 ). Conversely, young children who do not become securely attached with a primary caregiver (e.g., as a result of maltreatment or separation) may develop insecure behaviors in childhood and potentially suffer other adverse outcomes over the life course, such as mental health disorders and disruption in other social and emotional domains ( Ainsworth and Bell, 1970 ; Bowlby, 2008 ; Schore, 2005 ).

More recently, developmental psychologists and economists have described parents as investing resources in their children in anticipation of promoting the children’s social, economic, and psychological well-being. Kalil and DeLeire (2004) characterize this promotion of children’s healthy development as taking two forms: (1) material, monetary, social, and psychological resources and (2) provision of support, guidance, warmth, and love. Bradley and Corwyn (2004) characterize the goals of these investments as helping children successfully regulate biological, cognitive, and social-emotional functioning.

Parents possess different levels and quality of access to knowledge that can guide the formation of their parenting attitudes and practices. As discussed in greater detail in Chapter 2 , the parenting practices in which parents engage are influenced and informed by their knowledge, including facts and other information relevant to parenting, as well as skills gained through experience or education. Parenting practices also are influenced by attitudes, which in this context refer to parents’ viewpoints, perspectives, reactions, or settled ways of thinking with respect to the roles and importance of parents and parenting in children’s development, as well as parents’ responsibilities. Attitudes may be part of a set of beliefs shared within a cultural group and founded in common experiences, and they often direct the transformation of knowledge into practice.

Parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices are shaped, in part, by parents’ own experiences (including those from their own childhood) and circumstances; expectations and practices learned from others, such as family, friends, and other social networks; and beliefs transferred through cultural and social systems. Parenting also is shaped by the availability of supports within the larger community and provided by institutions, as well as by policies that affect the availability of supportive services.

Along with the multiple sources of parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices and their diversity among parents, it is important to acknowledge the diverse influences on the lives of children. While parents are central to children’ development, other influences, such as relatives, close family friends, teachers, community members, peers, and social institutions, also

contribute to children’s growth and development. Children themselves are perhaps the most essential contributors to their own development. Thus, the science of parenting is framed within the theoretical perspective that parenting unfolds in particular contexts; is embedded in a network of relationships within and outside of the family; and is fluid and continuous, changing over time as children and parents grow and develop.

In addition, it is important to recognize that parenting affects not only children but also parents themselves. For instance, parenting can enrich and give focus to parents’ lives; generate stress or calm; compete for time with work or leisure; and create combinations of any number of emotions, including happiness, sadness, fulfillment, and anger.

STUDY CONTEXT

As attention to early childhood development has increased over the past 20 years, so, too, has attention to those who care for young children. A recent Institute of Medicine and National Research Council report on the early childhood workforce ( Institute of Medicine and National Research Council, 2015 ) illustrates the heightened focus not only on whether young children have opportunities to be exposed to healthy environments and supports but also on the people who provide those supports. Indeed, an important responsibility of parents is identifying those who will care for their children in their absence. Those individuals may include family members and others in parents’ immediate circle, but they increasingly include non-family members who provide care and education in formal and informal settings outside the home, such as schools and home daycare centers.

Throughout its deliberations, the committee considered several questions relevant to its charge: What knowledge and attitudes do parents of young children bring to the task of parenting? How are parents engaged with their young children, and how do the circumstances and behaviors of both parents and children influence the parent-child relationship? What types of support further enhance the natural resources and skills that parents bring to the parenting role? How do parents function and make use of their familial and community resources? What policies and resources at the local, state, and federal levels assist parents? What practices do they expect those resources to reinforce, and from what knowledge and attitudes are those practices derived? On whom or what do they rely in the absence of those resources? What serves as an incentive for participation in parenting programs? How are the issues of parenting different or the same across culture and race? What factors constrain parents’ positive relationships with their children, and what research is needed to advance agendas that can help parents sustain such relationships?

The committee also considered research in the field of neuroscience,

which further supports the foundational role of early experiences in healthy development, with effects across the life course ( Center on the Developing Child, 2007 ; National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2009 ; World Health Organization, 2015 ). During early childhood, the brain undergoes a rapid development that lays the foundation for a child’s lifelong learning capacity and emotional and behavioral health (see Figure 1-1 ). This research has provided a more nuanced understanding of the importance of investments in early childhood and parenting. Moreover, advances in analyses of epigenetic effects on early brain development demonstrate consequences of parenting for neural development at the level of DNA, and suggest indirect consequences of family conditions such as poverty that operate on early child development, in part, through the epigenetic consequences of parenting ( Lipinia and Segretin, 2015 ).

This report comes at a time of flux in public policies aimed at supporting parents and their young children. The cost to parents of supporting their children’s healthy development (e.g., the cost of housing, health care, child care, and education) has increased at rates that in many cases have offset the improvements and increases provided for by public policies. As noted above, for example, the number of children living in deep poverty has grown since the mid-1990s ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ). While children represent approximately one-quarter of the country’s population, they make up 32 percent of all the country’s citizens who live in poverty ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). About one in every five children in the United States is now growing up in families with incomes below the poverty line, and 9 percent of children live in deep poverty (families with incomes below 50%

of the poverty line) ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). The risk of growing up poor continues to be particularly high for children in female-headed households; in 2013, approximately 55 percent of children under age 6 in such households lived at or below the poverty threshold, compared with 10 percent of children in married couple families ( DeNavas-Walt and Proctor, 2014 ). Black and Hispanic children are more likely to live in deep poverty (18 and 13%, respectively) compared with Asian and white children (5% each) ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). Also noteworthy is that child care policy, including the recent increases in funding for low-income families, ties child care subsidies to employment. Unemployed parents out of school are not eligible, and job loss results in subsidy loss and, in turn, instability in child care arrangements for young children ( Ha et al., 2012 ).

As noted earlier, this report also comes at a time of rapid change in the demographic composition of the country. This change necessitates new understandings of the norms and values within and among groups, the ways in which recent immigrants transition to life in the United States, and the approaches used by diverse cultural and ethnic communities to engage their children during early childhood and utilize institutions that offer them support in carrying out that role. The United States now has the largest absolute number of immigrants in its history ( Grieco et al., 2012 ; Passel and Cohn, 2012 ; U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ), and the proportion of foreign-born residents today (13.1%) is nearly as high as it was at the turn of the 20th century ( National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015 ). As of 2014, 25 percent of children ages 0-5 in the United States had at least one immigrant parent, compared with 13.5 percent in 1990 ( Migration Policy Institute, 2016 ). 3 In many urban centers, such as Los Angeles, Miami, and New York City, the majority of the student body of public schools is first- or second-generation immigrant children ( Suárez-Orozco et al., 2008 ).

Immigrants to the United States vary in their countries of origin, their reception in different communities, and the resources available to them. Researchers increasingly have called attention to the wide variation not only among but also within immigrant groups, including varying premigration histories, familiarity with U.S. institutions and culture, and childrearing

3 Shifting demographics in the United States have resulted in increased pressure for service providers to meet the needs of all children and families in a culturally sensitive manner. In many cases, community-level changes have overwhelmed the capacity of local child care providers and health service workers to respond to the language barriers and cultural parenting practices of the newly arriving immigrant groups, particularly if they have endured trauma. For example, many U.S. communities have worked to address the needs of the growing Hispanic population, but it has been documented that in some cases, eligible Latinos are “less likely to access available social services than other populations” ( Helms et al., 2015 ; Wildsmith et al., 2016 ).

strategies ( Crosnoe, 2006 ; Fuller and García Coll, 2010 ; Galindo and Fuller, 2010 ; Suárez-Orozco et al., 2010 ; Takanishi, 2004 ). Immigrants often bring valuable social and human capital to the United States, including unique competencies and sociocultural strengths. Indeed, many young immigrant children display health and learning outcomes better than those of children of native-born parents in similar socioeconomic positions ( Crosnoe, 2013 ). At the same time, however, children with immigrant parents are more likely than children in native-born families to grow up poor ( Hernandez et al., 2008 , 2012 ; National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015 ; Raphael and Smolensky, 2009 ). Immigrant parents’ efforts to raise healthy children also can be thwarted by barriers to integration that include language, documentation, and discrimination ( Hernandez et al., 2012 ; Yoshikawa, 2011 ).

The increase in the nation’s racial and ethnic diversity over the past several decades, related in part to immigration, is a trend that is expected to continue ( Colby and Ortman, 2015 ; Taylor, 2014 ). Between 2000 and 2010, the percentage of Americans identifying as black, Hispanic, Asian, or “other” increased from 15 percent to 36 percent of the population ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ). Over this same time, the percentage of non-Hispanic white children under age 10 declined from 60 percent to 52 percent, while the percentage of Hispanic ethnicity (of any race) grew from about 19 percent to 25 percent ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ); the percentages of black/African American, American Indian/Alaska Native, and Asian children under age 10 remained relatively steady (at about 15%, 1%, and 4-5%, respectively); and the percentages of children in this age group identifying as two or more races increased from 3 percent to 5 percent ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ).

The above-noted shifts in the demographic landscape with regard to family structure, including increases in divorce rates and cohabitation, new types of parental relationships, and the involvement of grandparents and other relatives in the raising of children ( Cancian and Reed, 2008 ; Fremstad and Boteach, 2015 ), have implications for how best to support families. Between 1960 and 2014, the percentage of children under age 18 who lived with two married parents (biological, nonbiological, or adoptive) decreased from approximately 85 percent to 64 percent. In 1960, 8 percent of children lived in households headed by single mothers; by 2014, that figure had tripled to about 24 percent ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ; U.S. Census Bureau, 2016 ). Meanwhile, the proportions of children living with only their fathers or with neither parent (with either relatives or non-relatives) have remained relatively steady since the mid-1980s, at about 4 percent (see Figure 1-2 ). Black children are significantly more likely to live in households headed by single mothers and also are more likely to live in households where neither parent is present. In 2014, 34 percent of black

children lived with two parents, compared with 58 percent of Hispanic children, 75 percent of white children, and 85 percent of Asian children ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ).

From 1996 to 2015, the number of cohabiting couples with children rose from 1.2 million to 3.3 million ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ). Moreover, data from the National Health Interview Survey show that in 2013, 30,000 children under age 18 had married same-sex parents and 170,000 had unmarried same-sex parents, and between 1.1 and 2.0 million were being raised by a parent who identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual but was not part of a couple ( Gates, 2014 ).

More families than in years past rely on kinship care (full-time care of children by family members other than parents or other adults with whom children have a family-like relationship). When parents are unable to care for their children because of illness, military deployment, incarceration, child abuse, or other reasons, kinship care can help cultivate familial and community bonds, as well as provide children with a sense of stability and belonging ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ; Winokur et al., 2014 ). It is estimated that the number of children in kinship care grew six times the rate of the number of children in the general population over the past decade ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ). In 2014, 7 percent of children lived in households headed by grandparents, as compared with 3 percent in 1970 ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ), and as of 2012, about 10 percent of American children lived in a household where a grandparent was present ( Ellis and Simmons, 2014 ). Black children are twice as likely as the overall population of children to live in kinship arrangements, with about 20 percent of black children spending time in kinship care at some point

during their childhood ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ). Beyond kinship care, about 400,000 U.S. children under age 18 are in foster care with about one-quarter of these children living with relatives ( Child Trends Databank, 2015c ). Of the total number of children in foster care, 7 percent are under age 1, 33 percent are ages 1-5, and 23 percent are ages 6-10 ( Child Trends Databank, 2015c ). Other information about the structure of American families is more difficult to come by. For example, there is a lack of data with which to assess trends in the number of children who are raised by extended family members through informal arrangements as opposed to through the foster care system.

As noted earlier, fathers, including biological fathers and other male caregivers, have historically been underrepresented in parenting research despite their essential role in the development of young children. Young children with involved and nurturing fathers develop better linguistic and cognitive skills and capacities, including academic readiness, and are more emotionally secure and have better social connections with peers as they get older ( Cabrera and Tamis-LeMonda, 2013 ; Harris and Marmer, 1996 ; Lamb, 2004 ; Pruett, 2000 ; Rosenberg and Wilcox, 2006 ; Yeung et al., 2000 ). Conversely, children with disengaged fathers have been found to be more likely to develop behavioral problems ( Amato and Rivera, 1999 ; Ramchandani et al., 2013 ). With both societal shifts in gender roles and increased attention to fathers’ involvement in childrearing in recent years, fathers have assumed greater roles in the daily activities associated with raising young children, such as preparing and eating meals with them, reading to and playing and talking with them, and helping them with homework ( Bianchi et al., 2007 ; Cabrera et al., 2011 ; Jones and Mosher, 2013 ; Livingston and Parker, 2011 ). In two-parent families, 16 percent of fathers were stay-at-home parents in 2012, compared with 10 percent in 1989; 21 percent of these fathers stayed home specifically to care for their home or family, up from 5 percent in 1989 ( Livingston, 2014 ). At the same time, however, fewer fathers now live with their biological children because of increases in nonmarital childbearing (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015).

In addition, as alluded to earlier, parents of young children face trans-formative changes in technology that can have a strong impact on parenting and family life ( Collier, 2014 ). Research conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project shows that, relative to other household configurations, married parents with children under age 18 use the Internet and cell phones, own computers, and adopt broadband at higher rates ( Duggan and Lenhart, 2015 ). Other types of households, however, such as single-parent and unmarried multiadult households, also show high usage of technology, particularly text messaging and social media ( Smith, 2015 ). Research by the Pew Research Center (2014) shows that many parents—25 percent in

one survey ( Duggan et al., 2015 )—view social media as a useful source of parenting information.

At the same time, however, parents also are saturated with information and faced with the difficulty of distinguishing valid information from fallacies and myths about raising children ( Aubrun and Grady, 2003 ; Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ; Dworkin et al., 2013 ; Future of Children, 2008 ). Given the number and magnitude of innovations in media and communications technologies, parents may struggle with understanding the optimal use of technology in the lives of their children.

Despite engagement with Internet resources, parents still report turning to family, friends, and physicians more often than to online sources such as Websites, blogs, and social network sites for parenting advice ( Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ). Although many reports allude to the potentially harmful effects of media and technology, parents generally do not report having many concerns or family conflicts regarding their children’s media use. On the other hand, studies have confirmed parents’ fears about an association between children’s exposure to violence in media and increased anxiety ( Funk, 2005 ), desensitization to violence ( Engelhardt et al., 2011 ), and aggression ( Willoughby et al., 2012 ). And although the relationship between media use and childhood obesity is challenging to disentangle, studies have found that children who spend more time with media are more likely to be overweight than children who do not (see Chapter 2 ) ( Bickham et al., 2013 ; Institute of Medicine, 2011 ; Kaiser Family Foundation, 2004 ).

The benefits of the information age have included reduced barriers to knowledge for both socially advantaged and disadvantaged groups. Yet despite rapidly decreasing costs of many technologies (e.g., smartphones, tablets, and computers), parents of lower socioeconomic position and from racial and ethnic minority groups are less likely to have access to and take advantage of these resources ( Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ; File and Ryan, 2014 ; Institute of Medicine, 2006 ; Perrin and Duggan, 2015 ; Smith, 2015 ; Viswanath et al., 2012 ). A digital divide also exists between single-parent and two-parent households, as the cost of a computer and monthly Internet service can be more of a financial burden for the former families, which on average have lower household incomes ( Allen and Rainie, 2002 ; Dworkin et al., 2013 ).

STUDY APPROACH

The committee’s approach to its charge consisted of a review of the evidence in the scientific literature and several other information-gathering activities.

Evidence Review

The committee conducted an extensive review of the scientific literature pertaining to the questions raised in its statement of task ( Box 1-2 ). It did not undertake a full review of all parenting-related studies because it was tasked with providing a targeted report that would direct stakeholders to best practices and succinctly capture the state of the science. The committee’s literature review entailed English-language searches of databases including, but not limited to, the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, Medline, the Education Resources Information Center (ERIC), PsycINFO, Scopus, and Web of Science. Additional literature and other resources were identified by committee members and project staff using traditional academic research methods and online searches. The committee focused its review on research published in peer-reviewed journals and books (including individual studies, review articles, and meta-analyses), as well as reports issued by government agencies and other organizations. The committee’s review was concentrated primarily, although not entirely, on research conducted in the United States, occasionally drawing on research from other Western countries (e.g., Germany and Australia), and rarely on research from other countries.

In reviewing the literature and formulating its conclusions and recommendations, the committee considered several, sometimes competing, dimensions of empirical work: internal validity, external validity, practical significance, and issues of implementation, such as scale-up with fidelity ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; McCartney and Rosenthal, 2000 ; Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ).

With regard to internal validity , the committee viewed random-assignment experiments as the primary model for establishing cause- and-effect relationships between variables with manipulable causes (e.g., Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ; Shadish et al., 2001 ). Given the relatively limited body of evidence from experimental studies in the parenting literature, however, the committee also considered findings from quasi-experimental studies (including those using regression discontinuity, instrumental variables, and difference-in-difference techniques based on natural experiments) ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; Foster, 2010 ; McCartney et al., 2006 ) and from observational studies, a method that can be used to test logical propositions inherent to causal inference, rule out potential sources of bias, and assess the sensitivity of results to assumptions regarding study design and measurement. These include longitudinal studies and limited cross-sectional studies. Although quasi- and nonexperimental studies may fail to meet the “gold standard” of randomized controlled trials for causal inference, studies with a variety of internal validity strengths and weaknesses can collectively provide useful evidence on causal influences ( Duncan et al., 2014 ).

When there are different sources of evidence, often with some differences in estimates of the strength of the evidence, the committee used its collective experience to integrate the information and draw reasoned conclusions.

With regard to external validity , the committee attempted to take into account the extent to which findings can be generalized across population groups and situations. This entailed considering the demographic, socioeconomic, and other characteristics of study participants; whether variables were assessed in the real-world contexts in which parents and children live (e.g., in the home, school, community); whether study findings build the knowledge base with regard to both efficacy (i.e., internal validity in highly controlled settings) and effectiveness (i.e., positive net treatment effects in ecologically valid settings); and issues of cultural competence ( Bracht and Glass, 1968 ; Bronfenbrenner, 2009 ; Cook and Campbell, 1979 ; Harrison and List, 2004 ; Lerner et al., 2000 ; Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ; Whaley and Davis, 2007 ). However, the research literature is limited in the extent to which generalizations across population groups and situations are examined.

With regard to practical significance , the committee considered the magnitude of likely causal impacts within both an empirical context (i.e., measurement, design, and method) and an economic context (i.e., benefits relative to costs), and with attention to the salience of outcomes (e.g., how important an outcome is for promoting child well-being) ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; McCartney and Rosenthal, 2000 ). As discussed elsewhere in this report, however, the committee found limited economic evidence with which to draw conclusions about investing in interventions at scale or to weigh the costs and benefits of interventions. (See the discussion of other information-gathering activities below.) Also with respect to practical significance, the committee considered the manipulability of the variables under consideration in real-world contexts, given that the practical significance of study results depend on whether the variables examined are represented or experienced commonly or uncommonly among particular families ( Fabes et al., 2000 ).

Finally, the committee took into account issues of implementation , such as whether interventions can be brought to and sustained at scale ( Durlak and DuPre, 2008 ; Halle et al., 2013 ). Experts in the field of implementation science emphasize not only the evidence behind programs but also the fundamental roles of scale-up, dissemination planning, and program monitoring and evaluation. Scale-up in turn requires attending to the ability to implement adaptive program practices in response to heterogeneous, real-world contexts, while also ensuring fidelity for the potent levers of change or prevention ( Franks and Schroeder, 2013 ). Thus, the committee relied on both evidence on scale-up, dissemination, and sustainability from empirically based programs and practices that have been implemented and

evaluated, and more general principles of implementation science, including considerations of capacity and readiness for scale-up and sustainability at the macro (e.g., current national politics) and micro (e.g., community resources) levels.

The review of the evidence conducted for this study, especially pertaining to strategies that work at the universal, targeted, and intensive levels to strengthen parenting capacity (questions 2 and 3 from the committee’s statement of task [ Box 1-2 ]), also entailed searches of several databases that, applying principles similar to those described above, assess the strength of the evidence for parenting-related programs and practices: the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREPP), supported by SAMHSA; the California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare (CEBC), which is funded by the state of California; and Blueprints for Healthy Youth Development, which has multiple funding sources. Although each of these databases is unique with respect to its history, sponsors, and objectives (NREPP covers mental health and substance abuse interventions, CEBC is focused on evidence relevant to child welfare, and Blueprints describes programs designed to promote the health and well-being of children), all are recognized nationally and internationally and undergo a rigorous review process.

The basic principles of evaluation and classification and the processes for classification of evidence-based practices are common across NREPP, CEBC, and Blueprints. Each has two top categories—optimal and promising—for programs and practices (see Appendix B ; see also Burkhardt et al., 2015 ; Means et al., 2015 ; Mihalic and Elliot, 2015 ; Soydan et al., 2010 ). Given the relatively modest investment in research on programs for parents and young children, however, the array of programs that are highly rated remains modest. For this reason, the committee considered as programs with the most robust evidence not only those included in the top two categories of Blueprints and CEBC but also those with an average rating of 3 or higher in NREPP. The committee’s literature searches also captured well-supported programs that are excluded from these databases (e.g., because they are recent and/or have not been submitted for review) but have sound theoretical underpinnings and rely on well-recognized intervention and implementation mechanisms.

Other reputable information sources used in producing specific portions of this report were What Works for Health (within the County Health Rankings and Roadmaps Program, a joint effort of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the University of Wisconsin); the What Works Clearinghouse of the U.S. Department of Education’s Institute of Education Services; and HHS’s Home Visiting Evidence of Effectiveness (HomVEE) review.

In addition, the committee chose to consider findings from research using methodological approaches that are emerging as a source of innovation and improvement. These approaches are gaining momentum in parent-

ing research and are being developed and funded by the federal government and private philanthropy. Examples are breakthrough series collaborative approaches, such as the Home Visiting Collaborative Innovation and Improvement Network to Reduce Infant Mortality, and designs such as factorial experiments that have been used to address topics relevant to this study.

Other Information-Gathering Activities

The committee held two open public information-gathering sessions to hear from researchers, practitioners, parents, and other stakeholders on topics germane to this study and to supplement the expertise of the committee members (see Appendix A for the agendas of these open sessions). Material from these open sessions is referenced in this report where relevant.

As noted above, the committee’s task included making recommendations related to promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective strategies for supporting parents and the salient knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Cost is an important consideration for the implementation of parenting programs at scale. Therefore, the committee commissioned a paper reviewing the available economic evidence for investing in parenting programs at scale to inform its deliberations on this portion of its charge. Findings and excerpts from this paper are integrated throughout Chapters 3 through 6 . The committee also commissioned a second paper summarizing evidence-based strategies used by health care systems and providers to help parents acquire and sustain knowledge, attitudes, and practices that promote healthy child development. The committee drew heavily on this paper in developing sections of the report on universal/preventive and targeted interventions for parents in health care settings. Lastly, a commissioned paper on evidence-based strategies to support parents of children with mental illness formed the basis for a report section on this population. 4

In addition, the committee conducted two sets of group and individual semistructured interviews with parents participating in family support programs at community-based organizations in Omaha, Nebraska, and Washington, D.C. Parents provided feedback on the strengths they bring to parenting, challenges they face, how services for parents can be improved, and ways they prefer to receive parenting information, among other topics. Excerpts from these interviews are presented throughout this report as “Parent Voices” to provide real-world examples of parents’ experiences and to supplement the discussion of particular concepts and the committee’s findings.

4 The papers commissioned by the committee are in the public access file for the study and can be requested at https://www8.nationalacademies.org/cp/ManageRequest.aspx?key=49669 [October 2016].

TERMINOLOGY AND STUDY PARAMETERS

As specified in the statement of task for this study ( Box 1-2 ), the term “parents” refers in this report to those individuals who are the primary caregivers of young children in the home. Therefore, the committee reviewed studies that involved not only biolofical and adoptive parents but also relative/kinship providers (e.g., grandparents), stepparents, foster parents, and other types of caregivers, although research is sparse on unique issues related to nontraditional caregivers. The terms “knowledge,” “attitudes,” and “practices” and the relationships among them were discussed earlier in this chapter, and further detail can be found in Chapter 2 ).

The committee recognized that to a certain degree, ideas about what is considered effective parenting vary across cultures and ecological conditions, including economies, social structures, religious beliefs, and moral values ( Cushman, 1995 ). To address this variation, and in accordance with its charge, the committee examined research on how core parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices differ by specific characteristics of children, parents, and contexts. However, because the research on parenting has traditionally underrepresented several populations (e.g., caregivers other than mothers), the evidence on which the committee could draw to make these comparisons was limited.

The committee interpreted “evidence-based/informed strategies” very broadly as ranging from teaching a specific parenting skill, to manualized parenting programs, to policies that may affect parenting. The term “interventions” is generally used in this report to refer to all types of strategies, while more specific terms (e.g., “program,” “well-child care”) are used to refer to particular types or sets of interventions. Also, recognizing that nearly every facet of society has a role to play in supporting parents and ensuring that children realize their full potential, the committee reviewed not only strategies designed expressly for parents (e.g., parenting skills training) but also, though to a lesser degree, programs and policies not designed specifically for parents that may nevertheless affect an individual’s capacity to parent (e.g., food assistance and housing programs, health care policies).

As noted earlier in this chapter, this report was informed by a life-course perspective on parenting, given evidence from neuroscience and a range of related research that the early years are a critical period in shaping how individuals fare throughout their lives. The committee also aimed to take a strengths/assets-based approach (e.g., to identify strategies that build upon the existing assets of parents), although the extent to which this approach could be applied was limited by the paucity of research examining parenting from this perspective.

GUIDING PRINCIPLES

A number of principles guided this study. First, following the ideas of Dunst and Espe-Sherwindt (2016) , the distinction between two types of family-centered practices—relational and participatory—informed the committee’s thinking. Relational practices are those focused primarily on intervening with families using compassion, active and reflective listening, empathy, and other techniques. Participatory practices are those that actively engage families in decision making and aim to improve families’ capabilities. In addition, family-centered practices focused on the context of successful parenting are a key third form of support for parenting. A premise of the committee is that many interventions with the most troubled families and children will require all these types of services—often delivered concurrently over a lengthy period of time.

Second, many programs are designed to serve families at particular risk for problems related to cognitive and social-emotional development, health, and well-being. Early Head Start and Head Start, for example, are means tested and designed for low-income families most of whom are known to face not just one risk factor (low income) but also others that often cluster together (e.g., living in dangerous neighborhoods, exposure to trauma, social isolation, unfamiliarity with the dominant culture or language). Special populations addressed in this report typically are at very high risk because of this exposure to multiple risk factors. Research has shown that children in such families have the poorest outcomes, in some instances reaching a level of toxic stress that seriously impairs their developmental functioning ( Shonkoff and Garner, 2012 ). Of course, in addition to characterizing developmental risk, it is essential to understand the corresponding adaptive processes and protective factors, as it is the balance of risk and protective factors that determines outcomes. In many ways, supporting parents is one way to attempt to change that balance.

From an intervention point of view, several principles are central. First, intervention strategies need to be designed to have measurable effects over time and to be sustainable. Second, it is necessary to focus on the needs of individual families and to tailor interventions to achieve desired outcomes. The importance of personalized approaches is widely acknowledged in medicine, education, and other areas. An observation perhaps best illustrated in the section on parents of children with developmental disabilities in Chapter 5 , although the committee believes this approach applies to many of the programs described in this report. A corresponding core principle of intervention is viewing parents as equal partners, experts in what both they and their children need. It is important as well that multiple kinds of services for families be integrated and coordinated. As illustrated earlier

in Box 1-1 , families may be receiving interventions from multiple sources delivered in different places, making coordination all the more important.

A useful framework for thinking about interventions is described in the National Research Council and Institute of Medicine (2009) report Preventing Mental, Emotional, and Behavioral Disorders among Young People . Prevention interventions encompass mental health promotion: universal prevention, defined as interventions that are valuable for all children; selected prevention, aimed at populations at high risk (such as children whose parents have mental illness); and indicated prevention, focused on children already manifesting symptoms. Treatment interventions include case identification, standard treatment for known disorders, accordance of long-term treatment with the goal of reduction in relapse or occurrence, and aftercare and rehabilitation ( National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2009 ).

The committee recognizes that engaging and retaining children and families in parenting interventions are critical challenges. A key to promoting such engagement may be cultural relevance. Families representing America’s diverse array of cultures, languages, and experiences are likely to derive the greatest benefit from interventions designed and implemented to allow for flexibility.

Finally, the question of widespread implementation and dissemination of parenting interventions is critically important. Given the cost of testing evidence-based parenting programs, the development of additional programs needs to be built on the work that has been done before. Collectively, interventions also are more likely to achieve a significant level of impact if they incorporate some of the elements of prior interventions. In any case, a focus on the principles of implementation and dissemination clearly is needed. As is discussed in this report, the committee calls for more study and experience with respect to taking programs to scale.

REPORT ORGANIZATION

This report is divided into eight chapters. Chapter 2 examines desired outcomes for children and reviews the existing research on parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices that support positive parent-child interactions and child outcomes. Based on the available research, this chapter identifies a set of core knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Chapter 3 provides a brief overview of some of the major federally funded programs and policies that support parents in the United States. Chapters 4 and 5 describe evidence-based and evidence-informed strategies for supporting parents and enabling the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices, including universal and widely used interventions ( Chapter 4 ) and interventions targeted to parents of children with special needs and parents who themselves face adversities

( Chapter 5 ). Chapter 6 reviews elements of effective programs for strengthening parenting capacity and parents’ participation and retention in effective programs and systems. Chapter 7 describes a national framework for supporting parents of young children. Finally, Chapter 8 presents the committee’s conclusions and recommendations for promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective intervention strategies and parenting practices linked to healthy child outcomes, as well as areas for future research.

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Decades of research have demonstrated that the parent-child dyad and the environment of the family—which includes all primary caregivers—are at the foundation of children's well- being and healthy development. From birth, children are learning and rely on parents and the other caregivers in their lives to protect and care for them. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life, when a child's brain is rapidly developing and when nearly all of her or his experiences are created and shaped by parents and the family environment. Parents help children build and refine their knowledge and skills, charting a trajectory for their health and well-being during childhood and beyond. The experience of parenting also impacts parents themselves. For instance, parenting can enrich and give focus to parents' lives; generate stress or calm; and create any number of emotions, including feelings of happiness, sadness, fulfillment, and anger.

Parenting of young children today takes place in the context of significant ongoing developments. These include: a rapidly growing body of science on early childhood, increases in funding for programs and services for families, changing demographics of the U.S. population, and greater diversity of family structure. Additionally, parenting is increasingly being shaped by technology and increased access to information about parenting.

Parenting Matters identifies parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices associated with positive developmental outcomes in children ages 0-8; universal/preventive and targeted strategies used in a variety of settings that have been effective with parents of young children and that support the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices; and barriers to and facilitators for parents' use of practices that lead to healthy child outcomes as well as their participation in effective programs and services. This report makes recommendations directed at an array of stakeholders, for promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective programs and services for parents and on areas that warrant further research to inform policy and practice. It is meant to serve as a roadmap for the future of parenting policy, research, and practice in the United States.

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12 Traits Good Parents Have in Common

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Guide and Support Your Child

Encourage independence, be mindful that they are watching, avoid being mean, spiteful, or unkind, show your kids you love them, apologize for your mistakes, discipline your child effectively, see your child for who they are, keep track of your child, teach your child to be a good person, connect with your child, listen to your child.

What traits do good parents have in common? Are there certain things that some people do that make them good parents (or not good parents)?

Of course, the characteristics of a good parent aren't fixed or absolute. What may seem like good parenting to one person may not fit that definition for someone else. But generally speaking, these traits and habits can be found in parents who are practicing good parenting skills.

Every child is different and so is every parent, and every family has unique needs and circumstances. But most kids will benefit from parents who strive to provide care, attention, and unconditional love—but set expectations for behavior too.

Parents naturally want their kids to succeed and may push, prod, bribe, demand, or even threaten kids with punishment to get them to practice an instrument, excel at a sport, achieve top grades and so on. The fact is, being a strict " Tiger Mom " (or dad) isn't likely to get your child further than giving kids lots of support, and gently nudging if and when they need it.

Good parents know that it's important for kids to do things for themselves. Whether it's homework or chores or making friends , the best thing we can do as parents is get kids to a place where they can handle things on their own. However, it can be hard to tell how much we should help and how much we should let kids figure something out on their own.

As a general rule, helping your child with something is fine when you do it with the end goal of teaching them to eventually do it by themselves.

For example, it's not a good idea for parents to, say, do a child's homework for them or hover over a play date and dictate exactly what the kids will play and how. Those are definite examples of helicoptering , not helping. But if you show a child how to work out a homework problem or settle a problem with a friend in a respectful way, you're giving your child good tools for the future.

Got a piece of juicy gossip you're dying to share? Want to tell off a neighbor who did something rude or yell at a driver who cut you off? While we can't always be perfect, good parents know that kids are always learning from the examples we set. If we want our children to be kind , empathetic , and  well-mannered as they grow up, we must try to be on our own best behavior and be respectful of others.

Can a parent occasionally lose their temper or yell ? Absolutely—we are human, after all. But insulting or humiliating or belittling a child are never, ever a good way to teach anything. Would you want to be treated that way?

We can all get so busy, it's easy to forget to take the time to show our kids how we feel about them. Small gestures, like writing a note for their lunchbox or sharing things about yourself with them can strengthen your connection and show your child how much you love them every day.

You probably teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong by apologizing and trying to make up for what they did. This is just as, if not more, important for parents to do themselves.

Good parents know that all parents can sometimes make mistakes, and they learn from them and show their kids how to take responsibility for their actions.

Discipline (not punishment) is not only one of the best things you can teach your kids but also a way to ensure that you are raising a child who will be happier as they grow. Why is it so important to discipline children ? Kids who are not disciplined are much more likely to be spoiled , ungrateful, greedy, and, not surprisingly, have trouble making friends and being happy later in life.

Aim to see your child for who they are, not who you're hoping they'll become. Your child may be more of a quiet reader than someone who wants to be a star on the stage or a soccer field.

It's great to encourage kids to try things that may push them out of their comfort zones. "You won't know if you like it till you really give it a try" can sometimes apply, especially to kids who are still figuring out who they are and what they want.

But it's important for parents to do a quick check and make sure they're pushing kids for the right reasons (to try it, and not because the parent wants the child to be something they're not).

Know what your child is doing and with whom. Who are your child's friends? What are the parents of the child like? Who will your child encounter when they play at the friend's house and are there guns in the home?

These and other  questions to ask before a play date are not only crucial for your child's safety but also an important way for you to keep track of what your child is experiencing and encountering when they are away from you.

Teach kids to be kind, respectful toward others, be charitable, grateful for what they have, and have empathy for others. Of course, we all want our kids to strive to get good grades, win awards and accolades for music, sports, and other activities, and be successful later in life. However, who they are as a person is more important than which awards they get.

If you forget to teach them how to be good children and good people, they will be less likely to be happy and fulfilled, no matter what they achieve and how much they succeed.

Laugh together, spend time together, and connect positively every day. Whether it's playing a board game, going for a bike ride, cooking, watching a movie, or reading a book together (or reading different books side-by-side, if your child is older), good parents consciously spend time having fun and connecting with their kids in small and large ways.

Parents often spend a lot of their time with their kids talking to them rather than with them. Practice listening to your kids and really giving them your full attention (away from a computer or phone screen). You'll be surprised by how much more you feel connected to your child, and you'll likely learn about lots of things your child is thinking and feeling.

The best part: You'll be also showing your child how they can give you their undivided attention when you want to discuss something with them.

Alizadeh S, Abu Talib MB, Abdullah R, Mansor M. Relationship between parenting style and children's behavior problems . As Soc Sci . 2011;7(12):195-200. doi:10.5539/ass.v7n12p195 

Moe A, Katz I, Alesi M. Scaffolding for motivation by parents, and child homework motivations and emotions: Effects of a training programme . Br J Edu Psychol . 2018;88(2):323-344. doi:10.1111/bjep.12216

Richaud MC, Mesurado B, Lemos V. Links between perception of parental actions and prosocial behavior in early adolescence . J Child Fam Stud. 2013;22(5):637-646. doi:10.1007/s10826-012-9617-x

Layous K, Nelson SK, Oberle E, Schonert-Reichl KA, Lyubomirsky S. Kindness counts: Prompting prosocial behavior in preadolescents boosts peer acceptance and well-being . PLoS ONE. 2012;7(12):e513380. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0051380

By Katherine Lee Katherine Lee is a parenting writer and a former editor at Parenting and Working Mother magazines.

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Why Parenting Styles Matter When Raising Children

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

Verywell / Laura Porter

The Four Parenting Styles

• Impact of Parenting Style

Advantages of Authoritative Parenting

Can you change your parenting style.

• Limitations and Criticism

Parenting styles are constructs used to describe the different strategies parents tend to utilize when raising children. These styles encompass parents' behaviors and attitudes and the emotional environment in which they raise their children.

Developmental psychologists have long been interested in how parents affect child development. However, finding actual cause-and-effect links between specific actions of parents and later behavior of children is very difficult.

Some children raised in dramatically different environments can later grow up to have remarkably similar personalities . Conversely, children who share a home and are raised in the same environment can grow up to have very different personalities.

Despite these challenges, researchers have posited that there are links between parenting styles and the effects these styles have on children. And some suggest these effects carry over into adult behavior.

In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children. Using naturalistic observation , parental interviews, and other research methods , she identified some important dimensions of parenting.

These dimensions include disciplinary strategies, warmth and nurturing, communication styles, and expectations of maturity and control. Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. Later research by Maccoby and Martin suggested adding a fourth parenting style. Each of these has different effects on children's behavior.

The four parenting styles that have been identify by Baumrind and other researchers are:

• The authoritarian parenting style
• The authoritative parenting style
• The permissive parenting style
• The uninvolved parenting style

What's Your Parenting Style?

This fast and free parenting styles quiz can help you analyze the methods you're using to parent your kids and whether or not it may be a good idea to learn some new parenting behaviors:

Authoritarian Parenting

In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment.

Authoritarian parents don't explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so."

Other common characteristics:

• While these parents have high demands, they are not very responsive to their children.
• They expect their children to behave exceptionally and not make errors, yet they provide little direction about what they should do or avoid in the future.
• Mistakes are punished, often quite harshly, yet their children are often left wondering exactly what they did wrong.

Baumrind says these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation." They are often described as domineering and dictatorial. Their approach is "spare the rod, spoil the child." They expect children to obey without question.

Effects of Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to obedient and proficient children, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence, and  self-esteem . They may also be more likely to lie to avoid punishment.

Authoritative Parenting

Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic.

Common characteristics of the authoritative parenting style:

• Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions.
• These parents expect a lot of their children, but they provide warmth, feedback, and adequate support.
• When children fail to meet expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving than punishing.

According to Baumrind, authoritarive parents are good at setting standards and monitoring their children's behavior. Their disciplinary methods are assertive and supportive rather than intrusive, restrictive, or punitive.

For authoritative parents, the goal is to raise children who are socially responsible, cooperative, and self-regulated. The combination of expectation and support helps children of authoritative parents develop skills such as independence, self-control, and self-regulation. 

Effects of Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in happy, capable, and successful children.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents , sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, make very few demands of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control.​

• Other common characteristics of permissive parenting:
• Permissive parents prioritize being their child's friend rather than being a parent.
• They are warm and attentive but tend to set few rules, rarely enforce rules, and have few expectations.
• They allow their children to make their own decisions. 

According to Baumrind, permissive parents are responsive to their children but not demanding. Because they do not expect mature behavior from their children, kids may struggle to set limits for themselves. On the positive side, this can help kids become more self-sufficient and independent. On the downside, it can contribute to poor self-regulation.

Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than a parent.

Effects of Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school.

Uninvolved Parenting

In addition to the three major styles introduced by Baumrind, psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin proposed a fourth style: uninvolved or neglectful parenting.

An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness, and very little communication.

Other characteristics of the uninvolved parenting style:

• While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life.
• They might ensure that their kids are fed and have shelter but offer little to nothing in the way of guidance, structure, rules, or even support.
• These parents may seem indifferent, unresponsive, and dismissive.
• In some cases, these parents may reject or neglect the needs of their children. They may also be physically or emotionally abusive.

A 2019 study found that children raised by neglectful parents tend to struggle in school, experience more depression, have worse social relationships, have difficulty controlling their emotions, and experience more anxiety.

Effects of Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem, and are less competent than their peers.

The Impact of Parenting Styles

Research suggests that parenting styles can have a range of effects on children. Some of the areas of a child's life that may be affected in the present and in the future include:

• Academics : Parenting styles can play a part in academic achievement and motivation.
• Mental health : Parenting styles can also influence children's mental well-being. Kids raised by authoritarian, permissive, or uninvolved parents tend to experience more anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
• Self-esteem : Kids raised by parents with an authoritative style tend to have strong self-esteem than kids raised by parents with other styles,
• Social relationships : Parenting styles can impact how kids relate to other people. For example, kids raised by permissive parents are more likely to be bullied, while kids raised by authoritarian parents are more likely to bully others.
• Adult relationships : Researchers have also found that kids raised by strict, authoritarian parents may be more likely to experience emotional abuse in adult romantic relationships.

Because authoritative parents are more likely to be viewed as reasonable, fair, and just, their children are more likely to comply with their parents' requests. Also, because these parents provide rules as well as explanations for these rules, children are much more likely to internalize these lessons.

Rather than simply following the rules because they fear punishment (as they might with authoritarian parents), the children of authoritative parents are able to see why the rules exist, understand that they are fair and acceptable, and strive to follow these rules to meet their own internalized sense of what is right and wrong.

Mixing Parenting Styles

The parenting styles of individual parents also combine to create a unique blend in each family. For example, the mother may display an authoritative style, while the father favors a more permissive approach.

This can sometimes lead to mixed signals. To create a cohesive approach to parenting, parents must learn to cooperate and combine their unique parenting styles.

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If you notice that you tend to be more authoritarian, permissive, or uninvolved, there are steps you can take to adopt a more authoritative parenting style. Strategies that may help include:

• Listen : Spending time listening to what your child has to say. Let them share their opinions, ideas, and worries with you. 
• Establish rules : Create a clear set of rules for your household and communicate your expectations to your child. In addition to telling your child what the rules are, be sure to explain why these rules exist.
• Consider your child's input : Authoritative parents set the rules but are also willing to listen to their child's feelings and consider them when making decisions.
• Be consistent : Enforce rules consistently, but be sure to provide consequences that are fair, proportionate, and educational. 

Developing a more authoritative parenting style takes time. With practice and consistent effort, however, you will find that your approach to parenting gradually shifts to a more supportive, involved approach that can lead to better developmental outcomes.

Limitations of Parenting Style Research

Links between parenting styles and behavior are based on correlational research , which is helpful for finding relationships between variables . However, such research cannot establish definitive cause-and-effect relationships.

While there is evidence that a particular parenting style is linked to a specific pattern of behavior, other variables, such as a child's temperament, can also play a significant role.

Children May Affect Their Parents' Styles

There is also evidence that a child's behavior can impact parenting styles. One study found that the parents of children who exhibited difficult behavior began to exhibit less parental control over time. Such results suggest that kids might misbehave not because their parents were too permissive but because the parents of difficult or aggressive children gave up on trying to control their kids.

Outcomes Vary

Some researchers have also noted that the correlations between parenting styles and behaviors are sometimes weak. In many cases, the expected child outcomes do not materialize. For example, parents with authoritative styles may have children who are defiant or who engage in delinquent behavior. Parents with permissive styles may have self-confident and academically successful children.

Cultural Factors Play a Role

Cultural factors also play a significant role in parenting styles and child outcomes. There isn't a universal style of parenting that is always best. For example, while authoritative parenting is linked to better results in European and American cultures, research has also found that this style is not linked to better school performance Black and Asian youth.

Parenting styles are associated with different child outcomes, and the authoritative style is generally linked to positive behaviors such as strong self-esteem and self-competence. However, other important factors, including culture, children's temperament, children's perceptions of parental treatment, and social influences, also play an important role in children's behavior.

A Word From Verywell

Understanding more about your own parenting style can help you explore different approaches to parenting your children. If you notice that you tend to have a more strict, indulgent, or dismissive approach, there are steps that you can take to become more involved and authoritative in how you relate to your children.

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By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Parenting Styles

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

It is a stereotype that, in therapy, all of a person’s problems will be blamed on their parents. That is not the case. But decades of psychological research have suggested that the approach to parenting generally followed by an individual’s mother and/or father can influence the way they approach relationships, challenges, and opportunities. That doesn’t mean that an adult can’t change, of course, especially once they understand what may be influencing their behavior. And parents who become aware of the pitfalls of their own style and how it may affect their kids can also change.

For more on dysfunctional parenting, click here .

On This Page

• What are the four major parenting styles?
• How can a parent’s style predict a child’s future relationships?
• How can mothers and fathers tell what their parenting style is?
• How can parents become more authoritative?
• What is supportive parenting?
• What is attachment parenting?
• How can mothers and fathers transition away from attachment parenting?

Research begun by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s identified three main parenting styles —authoritarian, indulgent, and authoritative. Later studies added a fourth—neglectful. Every parent does not neatly fit into one of these four categories but they describe the approaches of many.

• An authoritarian parent seeks to maintain a high level of control over their children. They may set and adhere to a strict set of rules, and are more likely to support and take part in corporal punishment such as spanking. Children of highly authoritarian parents may struggle socially and may be likely to become authoritarian parents themselves.
• Neglectful parents (also known as uninvolved or disengaged) take on a limited parenting role. They may not spend as much time as other parents in conversation, play, or other activities, and may not bother to set many house rules. Some children of neglectful parents may resist rules outside of the home and struggle with self-control.
• Indulgent (or permissive) parents may be attentive and warm, but may not set many rules for their children. They may prioritize being their child’s friend over being their parent. Research suggests that the children of permissive parents may show higher levels of creativity but may also feel entitled, and be more interested in taking rather than giving in their own relationships.
• Authoritative parents follow what is widely understood as the preferred approach. Such parents are more pragmatic and flexible. They set clear boundaries but also encourage children’s independence within those limits. Discipline in such families may be more supportive than punitive, and as children get older, their independence increases. Children of authoritative parents may have more highly developed self-control and self-reliance.

Recent research suggests that, in some families, a parent’s style, especially as it relates to maintaining control over their children, could leave their kids vulnerable to emotional abuse from future partners, employers, and and others. Researchers found that people raised with a parent who maintained strict psychological control over them grew to be especially vulnerable to emotionally abusive partners. The effect appeared to be offset, though, by experiencing emotional warmth from the other parent. Research continues to explore the effect of differing parenting styles in the same family, and whether it matters if a mother or father is the authoritarian.

Much research of parenting styles has examined how the styles affect children as they grow up, and how negative effects could be tempered. But other studies have focused on helping parents become more self-aware and change their styles to develop healthier relationships with their kids . Some researchers have developed analytical scales in which parents indicate how they would respond to certain scenarios with an eye toward helping them shift, perhaps through therapy, to a more moderate approach.

In practical terms, most parents do not think of themselves as authoritarian, authoritative, or otherwise, and many mothers and fathers are self-aware enough to know that they may not be consistent with their kids at all times. Experts suggest that attention to some general guidelines can help parents develop a healthier style—for example, being consciously warm and loving toward children, setting age-appropriate limits, actively listening to children’s concerns, gently but firmly asking to be treated with respect, and “catching” kids being good , while making sure they know they’ve been seen and acknowledged.

Supportive parenting describes an approach to authoritative parenting in which mothers and fathers are conscious of how often they say no to children (as they often must, especially when kids are young) so that they can seek more opportunities to say yes to them in encouraging ways that help kids develop confidence and self-esteem. When children are mostly told what they cannot do, they can feel rejected by a parent, even a well-meaning one, with potentially negative emotional outcomes. Being consciously supportive and selfless with children can help them internalize belief in themselves.

Attachment parenting , a term coined by pediatrician William Sears, describes an approach to parenting in which mothers and fathers are physically and emotionally close to their children, especially at an early age, and is characterized in practice by extended periods of breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Sears referred to it as “what mothers and fathers would do instinctively if they were raising their baby on a desert island.” There is little evidence, however, that this approach leads to more positive psychological outcomes for children and many experts reject attachment parenting as unnecessarily demanding of parents and potentially creating conflict and division between new parents.

Parents who commit themselves to attachment parenting and have the time and temperament to maintain the approach throughout early childhood may then be faced with the challenge of weaning their children from the approach. These mothers and fathers may need to consciously practice “ detachment parenting ” so that children entering early adolescence can develop independence and healthy friendships, while resisting feeling rejected themselves as kids begin to resist a parent’s efforts to hold onto their previous level of connection.

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Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept

Sofie kuppens.

1 Erasmus School of Health Policy & Management, Erasmus University Rotterdam, Rotterdam, The Netherlands

2 Department of Public Health and Primary Care, KU Leuven, Leuven, Belgium

Eva Ceulemans

3 Faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences, KU Leuven, Leuven, Belgium

Although parenting styles constitute a well-known concept in parenting research, two issues have largely been overlooked in existing studies. In particular, the psychological control dimension has rarely been explicitly modelled and there is limited insight into joint parenting styles that simultaneously characterize maternal and paternal practices and their impact on child development. Using data from a sample of 600 Flemish families raising an 8-to-10 year old child, we identified naturally occurring joint parenting styles. A cluster analysis based on two parenting dimensions (parental support and behavioral control) revealed four congruent parenting styles: an authoritative, positive authoritative, authoritarian and uninvolved parenting style. A subsequent cluster analysis comprising three parenting dimensions (parental support, behavioral and psychological control) yielded similar cluster profiles for the congruent (positive) authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles, while the fourth parenting style was relabeled as a congruent intrusive parenting style. ANOVAs demonstrated that having (positive) authoritative parents associated with the most favorable outcomes, while having authoritarian parents coincided with the least favorable outcomes. Although less pronounced than for the authoritarian style, having intrusive parents also associated with poorer child outcomes. Results demonstrated that accounting for parental psychological control did not yield additional parenting styles, but enhanced our understanding of the pattern among the three parenting dimensions within each parenting style and their association with child outcomes. More similarities than dissimilarities in the parenting of both parents emerged, although adding psychological control slightly enlarged the differences between the scores of mothers and fathers.

Parenting has gained ample research attention from various scientific disciplines. Many theoretical frameworks emphasize that parenting plays a vital role in child development, which has fueled research investigating the impact of parenting on child development for over 75 years. When studying parenting, researchers can take various strategies by considering parenting practices, parenting dimensions or parenting styles. Parenting practices can be defined as directly observable specific behaviors that parents use to socialize their children (Darling and Steinberg 1993 ). For example, parenting practices intended to promote academic achievement are showing involvement by attending parent–teacher meetings or regular supervision of children’s homework. Other parenting practices pertain to positive reinforcement, discipline, or problem solving.

Rather than focusing on specific parenting practices, other researchers have identified overarching parenting dimensions that reflect similar parenting practices, mostly by modeling the relationships among these parenting practices using factor analytic techniques. There is consensus among scientists about the existence of at least two broad dimensions of parenting, labeled parental support and parental control. Parental support pertains to the affective nature of the parent-child relationship, indicated by showing involvement, acceptance, emotional availability, warmth, and responsivity (Cummings et al. 2000 ). Support has been related to positive development outcomes in children, such as the prevention of alcohol abuse and deviance (Barnes and Farrell 1992 ), depression and delinquency (Bean et al. 2006 ) and externalizing problem behavior (Shaw et al. 1994 ).

The control dimension has been subdivided into psychological and behavioral control (Barber 1996 ; Schaefer 1965 ; Steinberg 1990 ). Parental behavioral control consists of parenting behavior that attempts to control, manage or regulate child behavior, either through enforcing demands and rules, disciplinary strategies, control of rewards and punishment, or through supervisory functions (Barber 2002 ; Maccoby 1990 ; Steinberg 1990 ). An appropriate amount of behavioral control has been considered to positively affect child development, whereas insufficient (e.g., poor parental monitoring) or excessive behavioral control (e.g., parental physical punishment) has been commonly associated with negative child developmental outcomes, such as deviant behavior, misconduct, depression and anxious affect (e.g., Barnes and Farrell 1992 ; Coie and Dodge 1998 ; Galambos et al. 2003 ; Patterson et al. 1984 ). While parental behavioral control refers to control over the child’s behavior, parental psychological control pertains to an intrusive type of control in which parents attempt to manipulate children’s thoughts, emotions, and feelings (Barber 1996 ; Barber et al. 2005 ). Due to its manipulative and intrusive nature, psychological control has almost exclusively been associated with negative developmental outcomes in children and adolescents, such as depression, antisocial behaviour and relational regression (e.g., Barber and Harmon 2002 ; Barber et al. 2005 ; Kuppens et al. 2013 ). The three parenting dimensions (support, psychological control, and behavioral control) have been labelled conceptually distinct, although they are related to some extent (Barber et al. 2005 ; Soenens et al. 2012 ).

Other authors have taken yet a different approach to studying parenting by emphasizing that specific combinations of parenting practices within a parent particularly impact child development rather than separate parenting practices or dimensions (e.g., Baumrind 1991 ; Maccoby and Martin 1983 ). Within such a configurational approach, one examines which patterns of parenting practices occur within the same parent and how these patterns—commonly labelled as parenting styles— are related to children’s development. Such parenting styles have the clear advantage of accounting for different parenting practices at the same time within the same person. As such, it comprises a person–centered approach that focuses on configurations within individuals rather than a variable–centered approach that focuses on relationships among variables across individuals as has been used to identify parenting dimensions (Magnusson 1998 ).

Baumrind ( 1966 , 1967 , 1971 ) is commonly considered a pioneer of research into parenting styles. She introduced a typology with three parenting styles to describe differences in normal parenting behaviors: the authoritarian, authoritative and permissive parenting style. Baumrind ( 1971 ) suggested that authoritarian parents try to shape, control, and evaluate their children’s behavior based on the absolute set of standards; whereas permissive parents are warmer and more autonomy granting than controlling. She considered an authoritative parenting style to fall between those two extremes. Later on in the 1980s, Maccoby and Martin ( 1983 ) attempted to bridge Baumrind’s typology and parenting dimensions. Based on the combination of two dimensions – demandingness and responsiveness – they defined four parenting styles: authoritative (i.e., high demandingness and high responsiveness); authoritarian (i.e., high demandingness and low responsiveness); indulgent (i.e., low demandingness and high responsiveness); and neglectful (i.e., low demandingness and low responsiveness). These two parenting dimensions are similar, yet not identical to the dimensions ‘parental support’ and ‘parental behavioral control’. Based on Maccoby and Martin’s work, Baumrind ( 1989 , 1991 ) expanded her typology with a fourth parenting style, namely the ‘neglectful’ parenting style.

Maccoby and Martin ( 1983 ) research efforts primarily focused on the configuration of the parenting styles and to a lesser extent on their association with children’s development. Baumrind, in contrast, has also extensively studied the association between parenting styles and child development (1967, 1971, 1989, 1991). This work consistently demonstrated that youth of authoritative parents had the most favorable development outcomes; authoritarian and permissive parenting were associated with negative developmental outcomes; while outcomes for children of neglectful parents were poorest. These aforementioned associations have also been replicated by other researchers. An authoritative parenting style has consistently been associated with positive developmental outcomes in youth, such as psychosocial competence (e.g., maturation, resilience, optimism, self-reliance, social competence, self-esteem) and academic achievement (e.g., Baumrind 1991 ; Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ). Findings regarding permissive/indulgent parenting have been inconsistent yielding associations with internalizing (i.e., anxiety, depression, withdrawn behavior, somatic complaints) and externalizing problem behavior (i.e., school misconduct, delinquency), but also with social skills, self–confidence, self–understanding and active problem coping (e.g., Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ; Williams et al. 2009 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ). An authoritarian parenting style has consistently been associated with negative developmental outcomes, such as aggression, delinquent behaviors, somatic complaints, depersonalisation and anxiety (e.g., Hoeve et al. 2008 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ; Williams et al. 2009 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ). Children of neglectful parents have shown the least favorable outcomes on multiple domains, such as lacking self-regulation and social responsibility, poor self-reliance and social competence, poor school competence, antisocial behavior and delinquency, anxiety, depression and somatic complaints (e.g., Baumrind 1991 ; Hoeve et al. 2008 ; Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ).

Baumrind’s typology (1966) was initially determined on theoretical grounds, although with time she did conduct empirical validation research (1967, 1971, 1989, 1991). Nonetheless, the empirical studies always started with parenting styles that were predefined in a prototypical score profile in terms of minimum or maximum limit scores (e.g., scores above or below the median) on the different parenting practices; thus parents were first classified using cut–off scores for these predefined parenting styles and afterwards associations with child developmental outcomes were examined. However, such a confirmatory approach is not preferred to investigate parenting styles types (Mandara 2003 ) as it does not allow the identification of the naturally occurring typology, because people are actually forced into some predefined category defined on theoretical grounds. To empirically identify typologies in a certain population an exploratory clustering approach is needed (Everitt et al. 2001 ; Mandara 2003 ). Such clustering methods entail that persons are assessed on different variables (e.g., parenting practices) and patterns that naturally occur in the data are identified. Persons with a similar score profile are classified in the same cluster and those with distinctly different profile scores are classified into other clusters; with the number of clusters and associated score profiles being unknown a priori. The literature shows that researchers started to adopt such clustering methods in research into parenting styles about 15 to 20 years ago (Aunola et al. 2000 ; Beato et al. 2016 ; Brenner andand Fox 1999 ; Carlson and Tanner 2006 ; Chaudhuri et al. 2009 ; Dwairy et al. 2006 ; Gorman-Smith et al. 2000 ; Heberle et al. 2015 ; Hoeve et al. 2008 ; Lee et al. 2006 ; Mandara and Murray 2002 ; Martin et al. 2007 ; McGroder 2000 ; McKinney and Renk 2008 ; Meteyer and Perry-Jenkins 2009 ; Metsäpelto and Pulkkinen 2003 ; Pereira et al. 2008 ; Russell et al. 1998 ; Shucksmith et al. 1995 ; Tam and Lam 2004 ; van der Horst and Sleddens 2017 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ). These studies have generally identified three or four parenting styles that resemble the initial theoretical parenting styles.

Although Baumrind’s typology has greatly influenced parenting research, two issues have largely been overlooked in the existing knowledge. A first issue relates to the psychological control dimension which is currently considered the third parenting dimension. Initially, Baumrind paid little attention to the role of psychological control because her control dimension solely referred to parental socializing practices aimed at integrating the child in the family and society (Darling and Steinberg 1993 ). In her later work (1971, 1989, 1991), Baumrind did incorporate aspects of psychological control but the confirmatory nature of that research (cf. using predefined clusters) makes it impossible to determine which parenting styles would naturally evolve when psychological control would be taken into account. Empirical studies have also rarely explicitly included parental psychological control when modeling parenting styles. So far, the limited research including psychological control indices (e.g., Pereira et al. 2008 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ) has mostly identified four parenting styles that match the theoretically distinct styles. Within these parenting styles psychological control coincided with behavioral control levels in the authoritarian parenting style, yet cumulative knowledge remains too limited to draw firm conclusions.

A second issue is that existing research provides little insight into the coexistence of maternal and paternal parenting styles and their joint impact on child development. Although Baumrind included both parents in her studies, she assigned a (pre-defined) parenting style to each one separately. In some studies (1991), data was limited to mothers if both parents were assigned a different parenting style; in others (1971) families were entirely excluded in such instances. Not only Baumrind, but research on parenting styles in general has paid less attention to the impact of joint parenting styles on child development (Martin et al. 2007 ; McKinney and Renk 2008 ; Simons and Conger 2007 ), but has mainly focused on the unique, differential or interaction effects of maternal and paternal parenting styles adopting a variable-oriented perspective (e.g., Beato et al. 2016 ; Miranda et al. 2016 ). Children in two-parent households are influenced by the combined practices of both parents (Martin et al. 2007 ); and some studies have clearly shown that mothers and fathers can differ in their parenting style (Conrade and Ho 2001 ; McKinney and Renk 2008 ; Russell et al. 1998 ). Considering how the parenting styles of both parents cluster together, therefore, aligns more closely with the real experiences of children growing up in two-parent households. Only such an approach can shed light onto possible additive and compensatory effects (Martin et al. 2007 ). For example, Simons and Conger ( 2007 ) found evidence for an additive effect as having two authoritative parents was associated with the most favorable outcomes in adolescents, as well as a compensatory effect where one parent’s authoritative parenting style generally buffered the less effective parenting style of the other parent. Similarly, McKinney and Renk ( 2008 ) suggested that in late adolescence perceiving one parent as authoritative while the other parent has a different parenting style, partly buffered for emotional adjustment problems.

Only two studies have simultaneously clustered maternal and paternal practices into joint parenting styles and examined how they are associated with child development (for other approaches, see Martin et al. 2007 ; Simons and Conger 2007 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ). Meteyer and Perry-Jenkins ( 2009 ) modeled the warmth and dysfunctional discipline practices of both parents resulting in three parenting styles that aligned with Baumrind’s typology, namely supportive parents (i.e., similar to Baumrind’s authoritative style), mixed–supportive parents (i.e., mother’s parenting style is similar to Baumrind’s ‘good enough parenting’–style and father’s to Baumrind’s authoritarian style) and non–supportive parents (i.e., similar to Baumrinds’ authoritarian style). Although insightful, this study did not incorporate aspects of psychological control; was limited to early elementary school children (6– to 7– year olds); and was based on a rather small sample size (85 families). McKinney and Renk ( 2008 ) identified four joint parenting styles in their cluster analyses using late adolescents’ (18–22 years) reports of authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting: congruent authoritative (i.e., an authoritative parenting style by both parents), congruent authoritarian (i.e., an authoritarian parenting style by both parents), an authoritarian father–authoritative mother combination, and a permissive father–authoritarian mother combination. This study used ratings of parenting styles as input for cluster analysis leaving the role of separate parenting dimensions unclear.

We aimed to extend the existing research on the well-known parenting styles concept by identifying joint parenting styles in an exploratory manner using data on three major parenting dimensions (i.e., support, behavioral control and psychological control) and their associations with child behavioral outcomes in a large sample of mothers and fathers raising elementary school children. In particular, we first examined whether the configuration of exploratory identified parenting styles differed when the – often neglected – psychological control dimension was considered in addition to the support and behavioral control dimensions. Secondly, we identified how parenting practices of mothers and fathers clustered together into joint parenting styles. We were particularly interested in exploring whether similarity or dissimilarity would depict the joint parenting styles. Incongruence could be expected from attachment or gender theories that particularly stress differences between parents’ roles, while assortative or socialization processes could result in highly congruent parenting styles. Thirdly, we associated these joint parenting styles to child behavioral outcomes. For incongruent parenting styles, we particularly examined whether the different parenting styles may buffer each other’s impact on child outcomes. For congruent parenting styles, we looked at additive effects in which parents’ (very) similar styles may reinforce each other’s impact on child outcomes.

Participants

Participants were 600 Flemish families with an elementary-school child (301 boys; 299 girls). The children’s age ranged from 8 to 10 years ( M =  9.27, SD  = 0.83). For 556 children both parents participated, while for the remaining children only the mother ( n  = 40) or father ( n  = 4) took part in the study. The participating mothers and fathers were on average 38.09 ( SD  = 4.00) and 40.39 years old ( SD  = 4.85), respectively. Most parents received 12 to 15 years of education. The vast majority of children (92%) were of Belgian origin (i.e., children and both parents born in Belgium). The remaining children mostly originated from another European country ( n =  28); a limited number had an African ( n  = 7), US ( n  = 4), Middle East ( n =  1), Asian ( n =  1) or unknown origin ( n  = 7). Most children (84%) lived in traditional two-parent families with married biological parents; others belonged to a blended family (5%), a household with shared custody (2%), or a single-parent household (9%). In this study, we focused on the subsample of families for which both parents consented to participate. Of the initial 556 families, data were available for a final sample of 527 families due to some non-response.

We used data on parenting collected in a Flemish large-scale study on social determinants of child psychosocial functioning including three cohorts: 8–, 9– and 10– year olds. To safeguard representativeness, a two-stage proportional stratified random sample of elementary school children enrolled in mainstream Flemish schools was drawn. In a first stage, 195 Flemish schools were randomly selected taking into account the distribution of schools across the five Flemish provinces and the Brussels region of which 55 schools agreed to participate. In a second stage, 913 children (2nd to 4th grade) were randomly selected within the participating schools. Parents received an introductory letter and consent form via the teachers. Informed consent to participate in the study was obtained for 600 families with both parents participating for 556 children. We used information on parenting practices collected from both parents. The parents received their questionnaires via the teacher during the second trimester and were asked to complete them individually and independently of each other. Given that 583 mothers (98%), and 538 fathers (96%) actually completed the questionnaire, non-response was fairly low.

Parental behavioral control

Parental behavioral control was operationalized via 19 items of the subscales Rules (8 items; α mother  = 0.79; α father  = 0.82)), Discipline (6 items; α mother  = 0.78; α father  = 0.80) and Harsh Punishment (5 items; α mother  = 0.76; α father  = 0.80) of the Ghent Parental Behavior Scale (Van Leeuwen and Vermulst 2004 ). Each item was scored on a 5–point Likert scale from 1 = never true to 5 = always true. The subscale Rules reflects the extent to which parents provide rules for their children’s behavior (e.g., “I teach my child that it is important to behave properly”; “I teach my child to obey rules”). The subscale Discipline pertains to effective punishments after unwanted behavior (e.g., ‘…taking away something nice’; ‘… give him/her a chore for punishment); whereas the subscale Harsh Punishment points towards parental physical punishment when children misbehave (e.g., “I slap my child in the face when he/she misbehaves”; “I spank my child when he/she doesn’t obey rules”; “I shake my child when we have a fight”). We included multiple subscales to represent the multidimensional nature of the behavioral control dimension, as demonstrated by others (Van Leeuwen and Vermulst 2004 ). In addition, we consider aspects of adequate (i.e., subscales Rules and Discipline) and inadequate behavioral control (i.e., subscale Harsh Punishment) in this study, given the differential association with child outcomes. While the first has been linked to positive child development, the latter has commonly been associated with negative child outcomes. Correlations between maternal and paternal reports were moderate for the subscales Rules ( r  = .31; p <  .001) and Discipline ( r  = 0.47; p <  0.001), but strong for the subscale Harsh Punishment ( r  = 0.52; p <  0.001). Within each parent, weak-to-moderate positive correlations were found between the subscales Rules and Discipline ( r mother  = 0.32; r father  = 0.26; p <  0.001); weak positive correlations between the subscales Discipline and Harsh Punishment ( r mother  = 0.22; r father  = 0.22; p <  0.001); and small negative correlations between the subscales Rules and Harsh Punishment ( r mother  = −0.14, p  = 0.009; r father  = −0.11; p =  0.001).

Parental support

Parental support was operationalized by 11 items (1 = never true to 5 = always true) of the subscale Positive Parenting of the Ghent Parental Behavior Scale (Van Leeuwen and Vermulst 2004 ). This subscale (α mother  = 0.85; α father  = 0.88) pertains to parental involvement, positive reinforcement and problem solving (e.g., “I make time to listen to my child, when he/she wants to tell me something”; “I give my child a compliment, hug, or a tap on the shoulder as a reward for good behavior”). Maternal and paternal reports were moderately correlated ( r  = 0.35, p <  0.001).

Parental psychological control

Parents assessed their own psychologically controlling behavior by means of a Dutch version of the Psychological Control Scale (Barber 1996 ; Kuppens et al. 2009a ) via a 5–point Likert scale from 1 = never true to 5 = always true. This scale (α mother  = 0.70; α father =  0.71) included 8 items pertaining to invalidating feelings, constraining verbal expressions, personal attack, and love withdrawal (e.g., “I am less friendly with my child when (s)he doesn’t see things my way”; “If my child has hurt my feelings, I don’t speak to him/her until (s)he pleases me again”; “I change the subject when my child has something to say”). Correlations between maternal and paternal reports were moderate ( r  = 0.32, p <  0.001).

Child behavioral outcomes

Both parents completed the 20-item Dutch Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ; van Widenfelt et al. 2003 ) using a 3–point scale in order to assess child psychosocial behavior (0 = not true to 2 = certainly true). Externalizing problems were operationalized via the subscales Conduct Problems (5 items; α mother  = .60; α father  = 0.61) and Hyperactivity (5 items; α mother =  0.80; α father  = 0.76), while internalizing problems were reflected by the subscale Emotional Symptoms (5 items; α mother =  0.73; α father  = 0.72). We also included the subscale on Prosocial Behavior (5 items; α mother =  0.67; α father  = 0.64). Because high correlations ( r =  0.54–0.71; p <  0.001) between mother and father reports was obtained, an average parental score was created for each subscale.

Data Analyses

To identify joint parenting styles, we conducted cluster analysis in MATLAB. Cluster analysis is an overarching term for procedures used to identify groups or clusters of individuals based on their scores on a number of variables (Everitt et al. 2001 ). Greater similarity emerges between individuals of the same cluster (or who lie geometrically closer according to some distance measure) than between individuals from different clusters (Steinly and Brusco 2011 ). We first ran a cluster analysis based on the four parenting subscales of mothers and fathers (i.e., eight variables as input) that reflect parental support and parental behavioral control to identify joint parenting styles based on these two parenting dimensions (i.e., without considering parental psychological control). To gain insight into the role of parental psychological control in identifying joint parenting styles, we subsequently conducted a cluster analysis on all five parenting subscales of mothers and fathers (i.e., ten variables as input) representing the three parenting dimensions.

We used the conceptual framework of Milligan for a stepwise implementation of cluster analysis (Steinly & Brusco 2011 ) by (1) determining the observations to be clustered; (2) selecting the variables to be included in the clustering procedure; (3) determining whether and how the selected variables should be standardized; (4) selecting a cluster algorithm and association measure (e.g., a distance measure); (5) determining the number of clusters; and (6) validating clustering (i.e., interpretation, testing, and replication). During steps 1 through 3, we performed analyses on the sum scores of the different parenting subscales which were standardized to give each variable equal weight in the analysis. In step 4, we chose Mac Queens K–means cluster algorithm which aims to identify K –clusters with the largest possible between–cluster differences and the smallest possible within–cluster differences (Everitt et al. 2001 ), while the value of K is specified by the user. K-means consists of a reallocation procedure by which persons, starting from an initial random or rational clustering, are reallocated in clusters as long as this yields a decrease in the loss function (i.e., sum of squared Euclidean distance from the corresponding cluster mean). Because the resulting clustering strongly depends on the initial clustering (Steinley 2003 ), we used 1000 random starts and retained the clustering with the lowest loss function value. To determine the optimal number of clusters in step 5, or in other words to define the value of K , we used the CHull procedure (Ceulemans and Kiers 2006 ; Wilderjans et al. 2013 ). CHull is an automated model selection procedure that scans a complexity versus fit plot to find the model with the best complexity versus fit balance. Applied to K-means clustering, this means that we look for the model after which allowing for additional clusters does not substantially decrease the loss function. To interpret the resulting clusters (step 6), we visually inspected the pattern emerging in the cluster profile plots. When comparing the cluster-specific profile scores between parents, we focused on the position of the corresponding profile scores compared to zero (i.e., the standardized mean of the sample) and differences in its substantial interpretation. For example, the terms above and below average mean that a parent scores higher or lower than the standardized mean of the sample.

To assess the validity of the empirically identified joint parenting styles representing all parenting dimensions, we examined their association with child behavioral outcomes via four analyses of variance (ANOVA) using SPSS Version 23 with the SDQ-subscales as dependent variables and the identified joint parenting styles based on the three parenting dimensions as the independent variable. Analyses of residuals did not reveal meaningful violations of model assumptions.

In the following sections, the empirically identified joint parenting styles based on the four subscales reflecting the two parenting dimensions ‘support’ and ‘behavioral control’ are first presented; followed by the results of analyses also considering ‘parental psychological control’ as input behavior. We end with linking the identified joint parenting styles based on three parenting dimensions to child behavioral outcomes.

Clusters with Two Parenting Dimensions

In a first step, we conducted a K –means cluster analysis on the maternal and paternal ratings only using the four parental support and behavioral support subscales for each parent (i.e., eight variables) as input, representing the two parenting dimensions. The analysis was conducted for 1 to 8 clusters each with a 1000 random starts. The corresponding number of clusters versus loss function plot is shown in Fig. ​ Fig.1. 1 . Applying the CHull procedure to this plot pointed towards a solution with four clusters.

Number of clusters vs. loss function plots for the cluster analyses based on the two parenting dimensions (left) and on the three parenting dimensions (right)

Parents belonging to the first cluster (Fig. ​ (Fig.2) 2 ) scored above average on positive parenting, rules and discipline; and scored below average on harsh punishment. A visual inspection of the cluster plot did not reveal notable differences between mothers and fathers. These parents show warmth and involvement in their interaction with their child, but at the same time set clear rules and expectations for children’s behavior. They also discipline the child’s undesirable behavior, but rarely use strict physical punishment when doing so. Because these parents demonstrate elevated support and (adequate) behavioral control levels, we labeled this parenting style as the congruent authoritative parenting style.

Cluster profiles of the analysis based on two parenting dimensions

Parents belonging to the second cluster (Fig. ​ (Fig.2) 2 ) also scored above average on positive parenting and rules, but clearly below average on effective (subscale Discipline) and harsh disciplining (subscale Harsh Punishment). Based on a visual inspection, levels of positive parenting and providing rules of mothers seemed somewhat higher, while effective discipline was somewhat lower compared to fathers, but the substantive interpretation was similar across parents. These parents show warmth and involvement in their parenting while also setting clear rules for children’s behavior, yet they hardly discipline their child in any manner after showing unwanted behavior. Because these parents showed elevated support levels combined with aspects of behavioral control that focus on promoting desired behavior (instead of discouraging unwanted behavior), we labeled this cluster as the congruent positive authoritative parenting style.

The third cluster (Fig. ​ (Fig.2) 2 ) included parents who scored clearly above average on harsh punishment, above average on discipline, and below average on positive parenting and rules; without any notable visual differences between mothers and fathers. These parents are therefore less warm and involved in the relationship with their child. Their parenting is particularly characterized by strict physical punishment following unwanted behavior, without setting clear rules for their children’s behavior. This cluster reflected the congruent authoritarian parenting style .

A fourth cluster (Fig. ​ (Fig.2) 2 ) was identified that yielded below average scores for both parents on all subscales; without salient visual differences between mothers and fathers. These parents do not show marked warmth and involvement with their child, and also do not prominently provide rules or discipline unwanted behavior. Because these parents demonstrated below average scores on both dimensions, we labeled this cluster as a congruent uninvolved parenting style.

Clusters with Three Parenting Dimensions

In a second step, we performed the same K –means cluster analysis, but now psychological control was included as a third parenting dimension. The analysis was again conducted for 1 to 8 clusters each time using 1000 random starts. Applying the CHull procedure to the number of clusters versus loss function plot (Fig. ​ (Fig.1) 1 ) pointed toward a solution with 2 or 3 clusters. However, to enable comparisons between the cluster solution based on the two parenting dimensions, we again selected the solution with four clusters of which the cluster profiles are visualized in Fig. ​ Fig.3 3 .

Cluster profiles of the analysis based on three parenting dimensions

When comparing both cluster solutions, a remarkable similarity in the cluster profiles was observed with the cluster scores on parental psychological control for the congruent authoritative, congruent positive authoritative and congruent authoritarian parenting styles covarying with scores on harsh punishment. These three clusters could thus be interpreted and labeled in a similar manner as earlier. For the congruent uninvolved parenting styles, the pattern for parental support and behavioral control remained fairly unchanged, but both showed slightly above-average psychological control scores. It seems that these parents are thus less supportive and behavioral controlling, yet showing somewhat elevated levels of psychologically intrusive practices. As such, we relabeled the congruent uninvolved cluster as a congruent intrusive parenting style. Adding the psychological control dimension slightly enlarged the differences between the scores of mothers and fathers within each parenting style, but the substantive interpretation remained similar across parents

Given the substantial similarity in emerging parenting styles after including two or three parenting dimensions, we computed the agreement in classification of the corresponding parents. Analyses revealed that parents were generally assigned to the same parenting style if psychological control was taken into account, (Cramer’s V  = .87). Note that the agreement was substantial regardless of the retained number of clusters (2 clusters: V =  .77; 3 clusters: V =  .86; 5 clusters: V =  .83; 6 clusters: V =  .69; 7 clusters: V =  .68; 8 clusters: V =  .65).

Parenting Styles and Child Behavioral Outcomes

The four joint parenting styles were associated to significantly different behavioral outcomes: Prosocial Behavior [ F (3, 520) = 20.15, p <  0.001, R 2 = 0.10]; Hyperactivity [ F (3, 520) = 12.98, p <  0.001, R 2 =  0.07]; Emotional Symptoms [ F (3, 520) = 3.77, p =  .011, R 2 = 0.02]; and Conduct Problems [ F (3, 520) = 20.15, p <  0.001, R 2 = 0.10]. The mean subscale score per joint parenting style are presented in Fig. ​ Fig.4. 4 . To gain more insight into the nature of the differences, pairwise contrasts (Tukey–Kramer) were computed for each ANOVA.

Mean subscale scores on child behavioral outcomes per parenting style

For each child behavioral outcome, a significant difference ( p  < 0.05) was established between the congruent authoritarian parenting style and at least one other parenting style. Children of authoritarian parents demonstrated more negative (i.e., hyperactivity, conduct problems, emotional symptoms) and less positive (i.e., prosocial behavior) child outcomes compared to children whose parents belonged to another parenting style. For conduct problems, the associated standardized mean difference involving authoritarian parents was most pronounced compared to positive authoritative parents ( d =  1.06, p <  0.001), whereas a medium difference (range d =  0.67 – 0.73, p <  .001) with the authoritative and intrusive parenting styles was found. Similarly, for hyperactivity standardized mean differences involving authoritarian parents were large ( d =  0.85, p <  0.001) compared to positive authoritative parents; and medium (range d =  0.60 – 0.63, p <  0.001) compared to authoritative and intrusive parents. Standardized mean differences involving authoritarian parents were large (range d =  0.83–0.93, p <  0.001) for prosocial behavior, but only a small difference ( d =  0.37, p =  0.031) with the intrusive parenting style emerged. Standardized mean differences for emotional symptoms between the authoritarian parenting style were small in magnitude (range d =  0.40 – 0.43, p <  0.05), except for a non-significant ( d =  0.28, p =  0.159) difference with the intrusive parenting style.

In addition, the congruent positive authoritative parenting style yielded significantly lower conduct problem levels in children (range d =  0.33 – 0.39, p <  0.05) compared to authoritative and intrusive parents. In contrast, significantly less prosocial child behavior (range d =  0.46–0.56, p ≤  0.001) was found for the congruent intrusive parenting style compared to (positive) authoritative parents.

With this study, we aimed to add to the parenting styles literature by identifying empirically derived joint parenting styles based on data regarding the three major parenting dimensions as perceived by both mothers and fathers raising elementary school children. These resulting joint parenting styles were subsequently associated with child behavioral outcomes. As highlighted in the introduction, the commonly used parenting typologies have a theoretical underpinning, although empirical studies have generally identified three or four similar parenting styles. Our empirically derived parenting styles based on the two parenting dimensions Support and Behavioral Control bear resemblance to the initial authoritative, authoritarian, and neglectful parenting styles, yet some differences also emerged.

The authoritative parenting style was further broken down into a disciplinary and non-disciplinary subtype. Similarly, although differences between parents within each parenting style were minor, they were more pronounced for the non-disciplinary than for the disciplinary control strategies. These findings highlight that all parenting practices aimed at controlling, managing or regulating child behavior are not necessarily simultaneously used by the same parent, suggesting that considering a variety of parenting practices is crucial to identifying naturally occurring parenting substyles. Some parents seem to provide clear rules, guidelines and expectations for child behavior, but hardly have deviant child behavior followed by an effective disciplinary strategy. One subgroup appears to reflect parents that mostly adopt positive parenting practices (i.e., high support, high rule setting), whereas another subgroup uses a combination of positive (i.e., high support, high rule setting) and negative (i.e., high effective discipline) parenting practices. The latter closely resembles the authoritative parenting style as originally defined (Baumrind 1966 , 1967 , 1971 ), while the former clustering aligns more with a second–order positive dimension obtained in research adopting a variable–oriented approach (Van Leeuwen et al. 2004 ).

In this study, the positive dimension tapped into parenting practices such as parental involvement, positive reinforcement, rule setting, and autonomy–stimulating behavior, while the negative dimensions pertained to negatively controlling efforts such as effective discipline, ignoring or harsh punishment following children’s unwanted behavior. In the uninvolved parenting style, parenting practices bear a resemblance to the neglectful parenting style given the below average scores on all subscales suggesting that parents show less warmth, place fewer restraints on and display little monitoring of children’s behavior. However, we did not identify extreme low scores on parenting dimensions that would suggest a truly neglectful parenting style as originally defined; thus an uninvolved parenting style seems a more appropriate label. Although parent self-reports could overestimate scores of positive parenting and underestimate scores of negative parenting due to social desirability bias, it should be noted that a previous study using adolescent reports also did not find extreme scores for the parenting style clusters (McKinney and Renk 2008 ).

We were not able to empirically identify the originally proposed permissive parenting style reflecting parents that are very loving, warm and involved (high support), yet have relatively few rules for children’s behavior and hardly discipline (low behavioral control). This finding diverges from some previous empirical studies in which the latter parenting style did emerge using an a theoretical (Aunola et al. 2000 ; Carlson and Tanner 2006 ; Shucksmith et al. 1995 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ) or empirical clustering approach (McKinney and Renk 2008 ). Our operationalization of the support dimension via the positive parenting subscale of the Ghent Parental Behavior Scale could underlie this divergent finding, because the subscale does not only pertain to warm and responsive parenting practices, but also includes items on problem solving. In contrast to other studies tapping only into warmth and responsiveness, lower scores on solving problems together with the child can attenuate overall scores on parental support. As a result, the pronounced scores on parental support which typify a permissive parenting style may have been somewhat masked in the present study. Alternatively, the parent self-reports may not accurately reflect their actual parenting practices due to a social desirability bias, hampering the identification of the permissive parenting style.

Regarding the role of psychological control in empirically deriving parenting styles, cluster analyses revealed a very similar configuration with four parenting styles when parental psychological control was taken into account. Thus, its addition did not lead to the identification of additional parenting styles, but the third parenting dimension did enhance our understanding. Results clearly pointed toward a substantial overlap between parental psychological control and parental harsh punishment for the congruent authoritarian, authoritative and positive authoritative parenting styles. This finding coincides with research suggesting that inadequate behavior control (e.g., physical punishment) and psychological control by parents are correlated, whereas parental psychological control and adequate behavioral control are considered orthogonal dimensions (Barber 1996 ; Gray andand Steinberg 1999 ; Steinberg 1990 ). For example, Pettit et al. ( 2001 ) found that parental psychological control was preceded in adolescence by harsh, restrictive disciplinary parenting during childhood. Barber and Harmon ( 2002 ) have further argued that parental psychological control may be a marker of a hostile and dysfunctional parent – child relationship, including the use of harsh disciplinary parenting practices.

For the congruent uninvolved parenting style, including parental psychological control actually led to an improved understanding of the previously considered uninvolved parents. As it turned out these parents did use psychologically controlling strategies to some extent, regardless of their lower levels on the other parenting dimension. This pattern could mean that in the parents–child relationship these parents are not so much concerned with the child and their behavior, but with manipulating children’s thoughts, emotions, and feelings to fit their own. It is commonly recognized that by using psychologically controlling strategies, parents intrude into children’s ‘psychological world’, exert parental authority over the children’s own life, and intervene in the individuation process (Barber and Xia 2013 ; Steinberg 2005 ). A recent study by Zhang et al. ( 2015 ) also demonstrated that parental psychological control indeed positively correlated with parent–centered intentions, implying that parents intend to satisfy their own needs by applying controlling behaviors with their children.

Several theories point towards differences in parenting between mother and father (McKinney and Renk 2008 ). For example, psychoanalytic theory argues that mothers are children’s primary attachment figure whereas a greater distance between fathers and their children occurs; the gender and role theory link differences in child rearing to male and female characteristics (e.g., expressiveness and instrumentality) with the traditional mother role as caring figures and fathers taking on the role of authority figure and family provider. The literature also indicates that differences in parenting between mothers and fathers may arise if one parent wants to compensate for the other parent (Meteyer and Perry-Jenkins 2009 ; Simons and Conger 2007 ). Nonetheless, our results revealed more similarities than dissimilarities in the parenting styles of both parents, despite small-to-moderate correlations between mother and father reports. These similarities may reflect an assortative process when choosing a partner, meaning that people tend to look for a partner with similar characteristics (Botwin et al. 1997 ; Buss 1984 , 1985 ; Larsen and Buss 2010 ). Similarity in parenting could also result from socialization processes (Simons and Conger 2007 ); through a process of mutual influence or reciprocity partners gradually form similar views and beliefs on parenting. The slight differences that emerged pertained particularly to a dissimilar position on positive parenting and rule setting. Although less pronounced, this finding aligns with the study by Meteyer and Perry-Jenkins ( 2009 ) that yielded congruent parenting styles for mothers and fathers of 7-year old children, except for a dissimilar position on self-reported parental warmth. Another study using adolescent reports of parenting (McKinney and Renk 2008 ) found more pronounced sex differences. Perhaps sex differences in parenting styles become more apparent as children grow older or when children’s perspectives are considered.

Results on associations between the joint parenting styles and child behavioral outcomes indicated that children of two authoritarian parents showed the poorest behavioral outcomes. These children were perceived as showing significantly more internalizing and externalizing problem behavior and less prosocial behavior compared to children of parents adopting other parenting styles. In contrast, children of two positive authoritative parents demonstrated the lowest levels of conduct problems. These findings could suggest an additive effect in which the impact of similar parenting styles is reinforced as having two authoritarian and two positive authoritative parents was associated with the least and most favorable child behavioral outcomes, respectively.

The obtained associations between parenting styles and child behavioral outcomes partially align with previous research. Firstly, it has repeatedly been demonstrated that an authoritative parenting style coincides most with positive developmental outcomes in children (e.g., Aunola et al. 2000 ; Baumrind 1967 , 1971 , 1989 , 1991 , Darling and Steinberg 1993 ; Dornbusch et al. 1987 ; Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Querido et al. 2002 ; Shucksmith et al. 1995 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ; Steinberg et al. 1992 ). Our findings confirm this pattern for the children having parents who employ an authoritative parenting style, but children with parents both using a positive authoritative parenting style even showed less conduct problems. This finding could point towards the value of rule setting – in contrast to disciplinary strategies – in preventing behavioral problems. However, as parenting is a reciprocal process with children and parents mutually influencing each other, it is equally likely that parents show less disciplinary strategies simply because their children pose fewer behavior problems as demonstrated by others (Kerr et al. 2012 ; Kuppens et al. 2009b ; Laird et al. 2003 ).

Secondly, previous research has repeatedly linked an authoritarian parenting style with externalizing and internalizing behavior problems in children (e.g., Hoeve et al. 2008 ; Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ; Williams et al. 2009 ; Wolfradt et al. 2003 ). The present findings extend this body of research, although the association was most pronounced for externalizing behavior problems which may be due to children’s age (8 to 10 year olds). In younger children, having authoritarian parents may be more strongly associated with externalizing problem behavior, whereas the association with internalizing problems only emerges as children grow older. The shift in the nature of behavior problems as children age has been linked to the physical, cognitive and social maturation of children and the associated changes in social demands and expectations.

Thirdly, the neglectful parenting style has been associated with the poorest developmental outcomes in children (Baumrind 1991 ; Lamborn et al. 1991 ; Mandara and Murray 2002 ; Shucksmith et al. 1995 ; Steinberg et al. 1994 ). As this parenting style did not emerge in the present study, we were not able to model its association with child outcomes. Even children having parents who were less involved, but intrusive, were doing better than children having authoritarian parents. Findings did reveal that prosocial behavior and conduct problems were significantly lower for children having parents who adopted an intrusive parenting style compared to children of (positive) authoritarian parents. This findings coincides with a growing body of evidence on the deleterious of impact of psychologically controlling parenting in children and adolescents adopting a variable approach (Barber et al. 2005 ; Kuppens et al. 2013 ; Soenens et al. 2012 ), but likewise extends this evidence-base with person-oriented findings on the impact of an intrusive parenting style on child development.

Limitations and Future Research

Although the present study has several merits, it falls short in that only parent self-reports were used to assess parenting and child behavioral outcomes; children’s perspective on their parenting practices may be quite different. For example, Smetana ( 1995 ) found that adolescents perceived their parents as being more permissive and authoritarian compared to parents’ own view on the matter, whereas parents perceived themselves as being more authoritative than their adolescent children. Although a significant convergence between child and parent reports on parenting dimensions has been established in elementary school (Kuppens et al. 2009a ), future research should explicitly take a multiple informant approach when identifying parenting styles as informant perspectives on parenting styles in this age period may differ. In a related vein, multiple informant assessments of child behavioral problems have been shown to be context–specific with differences occurring according to the context (e.g., home, school) that forms the basis for informant’s assessment (Achenbach et al. 1987 ). Involving informants other than parents in the assessment of child behavioral outcomes therefore seems particularly interesting in future research on parenting styles.

Furthermore, inspecting a normally developing sample generally results into a low occurrence of inadequate parenting practices and child behavioral problems. Studying parenting styles in a clinical sample could certainly supplement this view because more variation in parenting practices may yield more or different parenting styles. Hoeve et al. ( 2008 ) have conducted one of the few studies using a sample of children with a high or low risk of antisocial and behavioral problems; and they were able to identify a neglectful parenting style. In addition, the role of parental psychological control in identifying parenting styles may be more pronounced in a clinical sample; an issue that to date remains unresolved.

The present sample closely resembled the population distribution with regard to family composition and paternal educational level, but it was rather homogeneous for ethnicity and mothers were more highly educated. As such, the present findings may not generalize to minority groups or families with less educated mothers; an issue that should be resolved by future studies. For example, previous research has demonstrated that harsh punishment and psychological control are more common among lower SES parents (e.g., Eamon 2001 ; El‐Sheikh et al. 2010 ) and that Caucasian caregivers were more prevalent in an authoritative parenting style cluster (van der Horst and Sleddens 2017 ). The present study clearly complements the scarce body of research on naturally occurring joint parenting styles conducted in US samples, but additional research is needed to replicate these findings. Moreover, as parenting occurs within a cultural belief system that influences attitudes towards particular parenting practices (Durrant et al. 2003 ), cross-cultural research could further clarify the role of culture in identifying naturally occurring (joint) parenting styles incorporating three parenting dimensions. Finally, the cross-sectional associations among joint parenting styles and child outcomes should be complemented by longitudinal research to gain more insight into the directionality of these associations. Longitudinal research covering the entire childhood and adolescence period could also increase our understanding of age-of-child and sex-of parent differences in naturally occurring parenting styles.

Despite these limitations, this study adds to the literature by further empirically validating well-known parenting styles and by increasing our understanding of the role of parental psychological control and joint parenting. The overlap between harsh punishment and parental psychological control in congruent parenting styles and its unique role in the uninvolved parenting style suggests that this intrusive parenting dimension should be routinely considered in practice settings. We also found that adequate behavior controlling practices may be particularly interesting in preventing behavioral problems; and that not only an authoritarian but also a (psychologically) intrusive parenting style can impede upon child development.

Author Contributions

SK: designed and executed the study, conducted part of the data-analysis, and wrote the paper. EC: conducted the cluster analyses, and collaborated in the writing and editing of the final manuscript.

Conflict of Interest

The authors declare that they have no conflict of interest.

Ethical Approval

All procedures performed in this study were in accordance with the ethical standards of the KU Leuven (University of Leuven) and with the 1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Informed Consent

Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.

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Can We Ever Trust Ourselves?

Seductive delusions, a form of refuge, the first enchantment, the classics, love in the age of the pickup artist, death is not the end, most popular, against advice, it’s all over, wanting bad things, on being an arsehole.

Acceptance Parenting

This is part of a series of columns on public philosophy by Agnes Callard; read  more here.

Before the 1970s, the word “parent” was commonly used only as a noun; since that time, American parents have roughly doubled the amount of time they spend parenting, and each generation since seems to stress more about parenting than the previous one. The fact that modern parents are beleaguered by the emotional toil of parenting is now as familiar a trope as the opinion piece advising parents to relax, be less perfectionist and be more forgiving of ourselves.

Economist Bryan Caplan supplements this advice with some science to ease the parental burden. Twin studies, he points out, suggest that genes are significantly more influential than parenting with respect to a wide variety of factors: future income, personality traits, educational attainment, religiosity and marital status. This knowledge, Caplan hopes, ought to give parents permission to take shortcuts: given how minimally you can influence your children, you might as well buy more childcare, ease up on those extracurriculars, let them watch TV and take vacations without them. Let your children roam free outside! They are safer than they have ever been. Don’t let them walk all over you, use discipline to set boundaries—it’s ultimately harmless—and make your own life easier!

Why have parents turned parenting into self-torture? Caplan posits a peer pressure-based desire to keep up with the Joneses, and hopes to wrench people out of this collective mistake by showing them how easy parenting could be, if they just let it: “Intellectual error explains much of the decline in family size.”

“Just relax” is the gentlest species of parenting commentary; harsher critics scornfully characterize modern parents as “helicopters” for micromanaging our children’s lives, and blame our “coddling”—excessive care, indulgence and overprotectiveness—for turning our children into “snowflakes.” The overall implication is that if only parents could muster up the wisdom and courage to defect from this “bad parenting culture,” we could be happily and healthily enjoying our children instead of hovering anxiously and fruitlessly around them.

These critics of modern parenting—gentle and harsh alike—put me in mind of a person who, upon first seeing a car, demands to know where the horses are, and upon being assured there are no horses around, offers advice about where to find some and where to attach them. They simply don’t seem to understand just how fundamentally and irreversibly the parenting game has changed. The easily observable changes, from the heightened attentiveness to the increased stress levels, are but the visible signs of a deep, tectonic shift in our conception of the basic tenets of the enterprise. Traditional parents weren’t better at what today’s parents are doing; traditional parents were tasked with doing something different—and easier.

If one wants to grasp the profundity of the shift, one is better off turning away from those who aim to intervene in parenting culture and toward those who concern themselves with a far more challenging task: accurately representing it. There is a wonderful scene in the British miniseries Years and Years in which a daughter nervously comes out as “trans” to parents who, having snooped on her Google searches, react with a prepared effusion of support: “Oh honey, it’s alright, I swear. We’re completely fine either way! Now look at us, we’re fine! I know we might be a bit slow and a bit old and this is going to be confusing for us and we’ll make a mess of it sometimes, but we love you. We absolutely love you. And we always will. … And if it turns out we’ve got a lovely son instead of a lovely daughter, then we’ll be happy.”

She is momentarily confused, and corrects them: “No. I’m not transsexual, I’m trans human !” She explains that she aspires to first modify her body in various ways to integrate herself into the internet, and eventually to dispense with her body altogether by uploading herself into the cloud: “I don’t want to be flesh.”

The parents react with the shock, outrage and screaming rejection that follows the classic “bad parent” script heard by countless children who have, over the years, presented themselves as diverging from their parents’ expectations with respect to religion, marriage, career, etc. Parents have always been faced with the challenge of handling rebellious, wayward, disobedient children; but at no prior time have they—have we—been so pre-committed to acceptance. At no point in the past was the parental inability to accept that which strikes them as antithetical to their basic understanding of what is true and what is good perceived as a potential failure by the parents’ own  standards.

The consequences of the shift extend well beyond increased parental stress levels. When it comes to the question of whose job it is to conform to whom, the sign has gotten reversed. As a teenager coming of age in the 1990s, I watched the tide turn on homosexuality. From my vantage point, a lot of the change seemed to be driven by acceptance parenting: those who couldn’t stomach rejecting their children rejected their own homophobia instead. As acceptance parenting takes hold culturally, we find ourselves speaking more and more about what it takes to be a “good parent” and less and less frequently of the virtues of a “good son/daughter.” The more we expect the parents’ acceptance, the less concerned we are with children’s obedience.

This in turn helps explain why parenting has objectively become harder. If you want to understand why parents are so much more stressed than they used to be, just consider the slip between “transsexual” and “transhuman”: you cannot predict what, at the end of the day, you will be asked to accept; and you know that from day one; and that knowledge—of your own ignorance—casts a shadow over every parenting decision you make.

I was struck by a recent New York Times piece offering scientifically grounded instruction in praising one’s child. It warns against excessive praise: don’t fuel “‘praise addiction,’ in which a child compulsively performs behaviors to earn approval.” It offers advice on how to target one’s praise: “praise the process, not the person,” as “praising the outcome or the person encourages the child to focus on those things. She might feel performance anxiety. He might question the conditionality of your love.” Also, be sincere: “children can sense when praise is not genuine.” One might wonder who needs to read this: Why can’t parents be trusted to simply praise what they think is praiseworthy and blame what is blameworthy? The answer is that praise and blame are ways of directing children, telling them which direction to go in and what outcomes to avoid. Acceptance parents know that they don’t know the answer to those questions. The inclination to look to scientists for guidance in everything from baby sleep to teenager management suggests a self-awareness, on the part of parents, of our ignorance.

Parents have always justified themselves with reference to the future—you’ll thank me later!—and parents have always aimed at the happiness of their child. What’s radically new is not, at heart, how concerned or permissive we’ve become, but how fully we have given over to our children the job of defining “happiness.” For acceptance parents, neither instinct nor culture is a sufficient guide to what counts as acceptable behavior in a child. Instead of being able to draw on culture and tradition to set standards relative to which children are to be assessed, those standards now come from the people they are to be applied to—more specifically, from future, which is to say, not yet existent, versions of those people.

Traditional parents were in the business of handing to their children a settled way of life: values, habits, standards, practices, skills, sometimes a job. On this older picture, it was the role of the parent to give—“tradition” comes from tradere , “to hand over”—and the child to accept, obediently. If I were a traditional parent, I would be trying to give my child some version of my life; as an acceptance parent, I am trying to give my child something I don’t have and am not familiar with— his life.

And yet parental resources are no greater than they have ever been. Apart from some desperate attempts at supplementation—all those after-school activities parents are mocked for enrolling children in—all that each of us has to give remains her own values and standards and practices and skills. The only thing we can change is how we “give” them, and so we’ve come to make our offerings with circumspection and delicacy. We hover around our children attentively, experimenting with what will or won’t “take.” Even though we acceptance parents are committed to tolerance, our resources are no less constrained than those of traditional parents: we are able to tolerate what we independently find tolerable. The difference is that now, when our children transgress our boundaries, we no longer feel sure whose side we should be on. Like all forms of freedom, acceptance parenting makes life more, and not less, stressful. If the parent is demoted from wise authority figure to tentative spokesperson for the child’s future self, childhood and child-rearing become a nerve-wracking quest to find one’s own footing.

Once you flip the switch from tradition to acceptance, it doesn’t flip back. And that’s why acceptance parenting is not so much a style of parenting as the backdrop against which parenting battles are fought.

Consider the case of Amy Chua, the self-proclaimed “tiger mother” whose entertaining book records the intense time and effort she expends on her young daughters’ musical training. Chua claims to be engaged in “traditional Chinese parenting,” but the details of her book tell a different story. She fights with her daughters constantly, and tolerates a level of insolence (“‘She’s insane,’ I’d hear them whispering to each other, giggling”) that does not accord with the respectful obedience required by “traditional Chinese parenting,” as Chua herself characterizes it.

“I will not give up on you,” Chua tells her rebellious younger daughter. And Chua reports: “‘I want you to give up on me!’ Lulu yelled back more than once.” When push comes to shove, Lulu “wins” the battle over switching from violin to tennis. Chua views this concession as a break in her parenting philosophy—she laments her own weakness in capitulating to “Western parenting”—but in fact it is consistent with the justifications she has been giving, to herself and her daughters, all along.

Chua’s musical training program was not aimed at turning her daughters into musicians; rather, music was a vehicle for “arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.” When tennis turns out to be a better vehicle, Chua readily adapts, “texting her [tennis coach] with questions and practice strategies… Sometimes, when Lulu’s least expecting it—at breakfast or when I’m saying good night—I’ll suddenly yell out, ‘More rotation on the swing volley!’ or ‘Don’t move your right foot on your kick serve!’”

Pre- and post-tennis, Chua’s message is consistent. She tells her daughters, “My goal as a parent is to prepare you for the future—not to make you like me.” The fact that preparing them for the future and making them like you are contrasted rather than identified is one hallmark of acceptance parenting. Another is the tendency to privilege confidence over obedience. When you don’t know someone well enough to buy them a gift, you give them money; likewise, self-confidence and diligence are seen as the universal tool for the child who must “become someone”—you know not who.

The failure to acknowledge the revolutionary turn to acceptance parenting leads Chua to exaggerate the degree to which she diverges from “Western parents.” And it leads many of the critics of parenting culture to misunderstand their audience. Traditional parents, ones engaged in “molding” children into the image of themselves, are the people who would have been reassured by Caplan’s argument that most of the molding work has already been done by genetics. But for acceptance parents, there is no shape into which they are trying to mold their children at all. The fact that my child’s DNA heavily influences many aspects of his future offers me little guidance as to what I mean—or rather, what he will mean — by “happy.”

What makes parenting in a pandemic so difficult is not, first and foremost, the increased time commitment. It is not even the close-up view of your children’s suffering—watching them become withdrawn, struggle to cheer themselves up, lose weight. The hardest part is the work of parenting itself, which is to say, the parts of one’s engagement with one’s child that concern their future. My youngest child boycotted zoomschool in the spring; he’s very social, but when we tried to appeal to his desire to see his friends, his response was irrefutable: “Those are not my friends! My friends are not flat!” My husband started teaching him Euclid, mostly so as to give us the feeling that he is learning… something.

My middle son is more willing to play along, and it is one of the bright spots of zoomlife that I can snoop on his school day and learn that I have raised a Class Participator. But I can also hear the relief in his voice when he announces a fifteen-minute break between Zooms, and I see that he spends much of his day in a frustrated hunt for what folder another folder is supposed to go in. He’s being occupied, but not necessarily educated.

My oldest watches multiple movies a day—they speak to him more than anything his teachers say over their screens—and when he’s not watching movies, he’s writing them: hundreds, probably thousands, of pages of scripts. Would a “good parent” be pushing him to be more invested in school? Spend more time outdoors? Reading? Something else? Would a good parent curtail his screen time, or would she encourage him to stay the course? Should I be blaming or praising him? Scientists who study praise don’t have the answers for me.

And I don’t think they could give any, even if they tried, unless they could answer questions like: Will movies even exist after this pandemic? What kind of a world am I sending him into? Which of his talents will be of most use—to himself and others—in it? How do I help him develop them?

The problem here is not my fear of employing discipline, or my inclination to micromanage. The problem is ignorance. Unlike my forebears, I don’t know the things I need to know in order to be a good parent, and none of the people telling me to calm down know those things either. The only one who might know, my grown child, doesn’t yet exist.

If you liked this essay, you’ll love reading The Point in print.

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Is Philosophy Self-Help?

In the past decade or so, there’s been a flowering of philosophical self-help—books authored by academics but intended to instruct us all.

Behind the Hood

I went running in a hoodie recently and a car swerved too close for comfort.

The Paradox of Apology

There is a minor grievance I have been nursing for some time now, against a friend who uninvited me from a party he threw.

• My Parents Essay

500 Words Essay On My Parents

We entered this world because of our parents. It is our parents who have given us life and we must learn to be pleased with it. I am grateful to my parents for everything they do for me. Through my parents essay, I wish to convey how valuable they are to me and how much I respect and admire them.

My Strength My Parents Essay

My parents are my strength who support me at every stage of life. I cannot imagine my life without them. My parents are like a guiding light who take me to the right path whenever I get lost.

My mother is a homemaker and she is the strongest woman I know. She helps me with my work and feeds me delicious foods . She was a teacher but left the job to take care of her children.

My mother makes many sacrifices for us that we are not even aware of. She always takes care of us and puts us before herself. She never wakes up late. Moreover, she is like a glue that binds us together as a family.

Parents are the strength and support system of their children. They carry with them so many responsibilities yet they never show it. We must be thankful to have parents in our lives as not everyone is lucky to have them.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

While my mother is always working at home, my father is the one who works outside. He is a kind human who always helps out my mother whenever he can. He is a loving man who helps out the needy too.

My father is a social person who interacts with our neighbours too. Moreover, he is an expert at maintaining his relationship with our relatives. My father works as a businessman and does a lot of hard work.

Even though he is a busy man, he always finds time for us. We spend our off days going to picnics or dinners. I admire my father for doing so much for us without any complaints.

He is a popular man in society as he is always there to help others. Whoever asks for his help, my father always helps them out. Therefore, he is a well-known man and a loving father whom I look up to.

Conclusion of My Parents Essay

I love both my parents with all my heart. They are kind people who have taught their children to be the same. Moreover, even when they have arguments, they always make up without letting it affect us. I aspire to become like my parents and achieve success in life with their blessings.

FAQ of My Parents Essay

Question 1: Why parents are important in our life?

Answer 1: Parents are the most precious gifts anyone can get. However, as not everyone has them, we must consider ourselves lucky if we do. They are the strength and support system of children and help them out always. Moreover, the parents train the children to overcome challenges and make the best decision for us.

Question 2: What do parents mean to us?

Answer 2: Parents mean different things to different people. To most of us, they are our source of happiness and protection. They are the ones who are the closest to us and understand our needs without having to say them out loud. Similarly, they love us unconditionally for who we are without any ifs and buts.

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Parents Influence on a Child

This essay about the influence of parents on a child examines the multifaceted ways in which parental behavior, values, and the emotional environment within the home shape a child’s development. It discusses the role of modeling in teaching children social conduct and coping mechanisms, the impact of parents in instilling moral and ethical frameworks, and the significance of the emotional climate fostered by parents on a child’s mental health. While recognizing the profound effect parents have on their children, the essay also considers the child’s individual temperament, societal influences, and their own agency as factors in development. It underscores the importance of nurturing, supportive parenting in guiding children towards healthy emotional well-being and social competencies, highlighting parenting as a reflective journey with societal implications.

How it works

The parental sway on a child’s evolution stands as a topic of paramount significance and intricacy, delving into diverse dimensions of psychological, emotive, and societal maturation. From the earliest stages of existence, the parent-child bond lays the groundwork upon which many aspects of the progeny’s forthcoming identity will be forged. This discourse endeavors to delve into the multifaceted functions parents undertake in molding their offspring’s identities, principles, and conduct, acknowledging the gravity of this duty and the myriad manifestations it encompasses.

Central to parental influence is the notion of modeling. Offspring, with their acute perception and absorptive intellects, glean knowledge through observation and emulation. The conduct, attitudes, and emotional reactions exhibited by parents serve as a living repository from which offspring derive their initial teachings. This apprenticeship extends to social interactions, problem-solving abilities, and even stress management strategies. The dictum “actions speak louder than words” assumes profound relevance here; parents’ day-to-day demeanor, from their treatment of others to their regulation of personal emotions, ingrains in offspring what is deemed acceptable and anticipated in communal comportment.

Beyond the overt spectrum of acquired behaviors, parents also shape their offspring through the values and convictions they impart. This inculcation of a child’s moral and ethical scaffold commences in the nuanced interplay of quotidian existence—via the narratives exchanged, the tenets accentuated in decision-making, and the elucidation parents provide behind their edicts and anticipations. Such influences are perhaps most conspicuous in the domains of education, religious convictions, and cultural customs, where parental inclinations and biases can substantially sway a child’s outlook and attitudes toward society and themselves.

Additionally, the affective ambiance parents cultivate within the domicile wields a pivotal sway in steering a child’s mental and emotional well-being. The caliber of attachment, the presence or dearth of supportive and nurturing connections, and the mode by which conflicts are resolved—all contribute to the budding self-regard, resilience, and interpersonal competencies of the progeny. In households where candid communication, emotional warmth, and unwavering support predominate, offspring are likelier to foster a secure self-concept and salubrious interpersonal skills. Conversely, milieus characterized by disregard, censure, or undue pressure can precipitate an array of emotive and behavioral quandaries, underscoring the profound impact of parental emotional accessibility and backing.

However, acknowledging the weight of parental sway does not invalidate the role of inherent disposition, external societal influences, and the offspring’s own volition in shaping their progression. Offspring are not mere recipients of parental influence; they are active participants in their own socialization, infusing their distinct personalities into the dynamic interplay of influences enveloping them. Furthermore, as offspring mature and broaden their communal horizons beyond the family unit, peers, educators, and media outlets increasingly contribute to their evolving self-concept and worldview.

In summation, the parental influence on offspring is both profound and intricate, encompassing the transmission of behaviors, values, and emotive patterns. While parents undoubtedly occupy a foundational role in sculpting their offspring’s development, it is imperative to acknowledge the complexity of this influence, which operates within a broader context of individual attributes and external societal factors. The duty of parenting, therefore, transcends mere provision for a child’s corporeal necessities; it entails nurturing their emotional welfare, exemplifying salubrious behaviors, and guiding them in cultivating a robust and empathetic outlook. Recognizing the gravity of this influence marks the inaugural stride in the conscientious and introspective expedition of parenting, a sojourn that harbors the potential to mold not only the lives of individual offspring but the fabric of society itself.

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Home / Parenting, Kids & Teens / The 4 types of parenting styles: What style is right for you?

The 4 types of parenting styles: What style is right for you?

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A parent’s job is to prepare their children to be adults who are capable of taking care of themselves and overcoming difficulties. It’s not an easy job. Parents have to set appropriate limits, watch their children fail and let them feel the consequences of their actions. Sometimes parents even endure the harsh screams of “I hate you!” or other painful words.

“I tell parents that it’s OK for your kids to be mad at you and not like you because of the limit you set,” said Hannah L. Mulholland, LICSW, MSW, a Mayo Clinic pediatric social worker. “You’re the best person in the world for them not to like and be mad at because you’re the one person who’s not going to desert them. You’re still going to love them, even when they’re mad at you. But for many parents, the reason they don’t set limits is because they want to be liked.”

Parenting is about supporting children while they make their own mistakes, take on age-appropriate responsibilities, think for themselves and solve their own problems. How you do that is up to you.

For example, you can let your kids choose how and when to do their homework — but also let them know that if they don’t do it, there may be consequences at school. “Let your kid be distressed. Let your kid make mistakes,” Mulholland says. “That’s how they learn.”

Kids who don’t learn might enter the adult world woefully unprepared or even afraid because they don’t know how to have relationships, do their laundry or manage their money. “They get in over their heads because they don’t really know what their own capacity is,” Mulholland says.

4 parenting styles

There are four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and neglectful. You don’t have to commit to one style. It’s natural to use different styles in different situations. When safety is at stake, a parent might use a firm authoritarian style that leaves no room for negotiation. But a parent might put consequences on hold and lean into a permissive approach to encourage a teenager to call for help if they put themselves in a dangerous situation.

“As parents, we are all doing the best we can each day,” Mulholland says. “Our intentions are always good, but we struggle to execute depending on our own capacity in the moment. Give yourself a break as a parent and recognize your own limits. All of the advice in this article is for when you are your very best self, not necessarily something you can implement all the time.”

Here’s a look at each of the four styles.

Authoritative parenting style

Authoritative parenting is often considered the ideal style for its combination of warmth and flexibility while still making it clear that the parents are in charge. (3) Children of authoritative parents know what is expected of them. Their parents explain reasons for the rules and consequences for breaking them. Parents also listen to their child’s opinions, but the parent remains the ultimate decision maker.

Authoritative parents develop close, nurturing relationships with their children. Children with authoritative parents tend to grow up confident, responsible and capable of managing their emotions. They are also friendly, curious and achievement-oriented.

What is an example of authoritative parenting style?

One place where parenting style shows is at mealtimes. Authoritative parents have more family meals where the parents model eating behaviors — rather than imposing strict restrictions. The parents will include the children in meal preparation. Perhaps the child will choose what’s for dinner one night a week or choose the side dish. Research shows that children of authoritative mothers have a high quality of diet and eat more fruit than children from different parenting styles.

Permissive parenting style

Permissive parents might pride themselves on being their child’s best friend. These parents are warm and nurturing with open communication. They are actively involved in their children’s emotional well-being. They also have low expectations and use discipline sparingly. Permissive parents let children make their own choices, but also bail them out if it doesn’t go well.

Children of permissive parents have the freedom to make decisions like what to eat, when to go to bed and whether to do their homework. These children tend to have good self-esteem and social skills. But they can be impulsive, demanding and lack the ability to self-regulate. (1) Permissive parents often try to control their child’s environment, so the child doesn’t have to experience rejection or failure. This means the child might enter adulthood unprepared.

What is an example of permissive parenting style?

When it comes to food, permissive parents might have lax rules. They allow the children to choose what they want, even if that means the parents make a special meal. This could lead to picky eating and unhealthy diet choices. Permissive parenting is associated with lower fruit and vegetable intake. It may also result in inexperience in trying new things or going with the flow and difficulty in social settings involving food.

Authoritarian parenting style

Authoritarian parenting uses strict rules, high standards and punishment to regulate the child’s behavior. Authoritarian parents have high expectations and are not flexible on them. The children might not even know a rule is in place until they’re punished for breaking it.

Children of authoritarian parents are good at following instructions and behave well. However, these children might grow up with a fear of punishment and lack experience making their own decisions. As a result, some might become aggressively rebellious, lack social skills and may have difficulty making sound decisions on their own.

What is an example of authoritarian parenting style? 

At mealtimes, authoritarian parents might enforce rules, such as the children eat the same meal as everyone else or finish everything on their plate. However, the family is unlikely to discuss why they eat certain foods and how they fit into their culture or affect a child’s health.

Neglectful parenting style

Neglectful parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, but then pay little attention to the child. These parents tend to offer minimal nurturing and have few expectations or limitations for their child. It’s not always a conscious choice parents make, but can be forced by circumstance, such as the need to work late shifts, single parenting, mental health concerns or overall family troubles.

Children of neglectful parents usually grow up to be resilient and self-sufficient out of necessity. They might have trouble controlling emotions, don’t develop effective coping strategies and they have difficulty maintaining social relationships. They tend to have low self-esteem and might seek out inappropriate role models.

What is an example of neglectful parenting style?

Parents who are uninvolved might not buy groceries or plan meals consistently. That could leave the child concerned about when they will next eat. It can lead them to become preoccupied with food. Children who had neglectful parents often overeat when food is available and may become overweight. But these children often have an easier time leaving home when it’s time.

How do I make sure I don’t mess up my child?

There’s no parenting style that is guaranteed to produce perfectly adjusted children. Nobody’s child is going to go through life universally liked and immune to failure or disappointment. Mulholland says everyone experiences difficulties. “It’s just unrealistic to say that a parenting decision is the reason for that.”

Since children will inevitably go through difficult moments, it’s best to equip them with the ability to bounce back. It helps if kids have had some practice from being allowed to try and fail in a safe environment.

For example, if a child played video games instead of studying, they might do poorly on the test. That’s how they learn that they need to manage their time better. But if you let them stay home “sick” to get an extra day to study, they won’t have learned a lesson.

A lot of parents see their child’s successes or failures as a reflection of themselves as a parent. But it’s the parent’s job to give the child the tools they need, not to control the situation.

“I’m always reminding parents that those aren’t your grades,” Mulholland says. “That’s not your college that they end up going to. That’s on them. You shouldn’t measure your worth as a parent on how successful your children are.”

How can parents change their parenting style?

If you find that your child is having some behavior issues, you might decide you need to adjust your parenting style. Behavior change can be as difficult for parents as it is for kids.

Mulholland recommends thinking back to your own childhood and what worked for you and what didn’t. Some people had parents who were very strict. The child wasn’t allowed to talk at the table and was punished severely. As a result, when they became a parent, they went the other way and became permissive. But perhaps a middle ground would work better. As you reflect on your own parenting, think about why you react the way you do.

If you want to change your parenting style, look into parenting workshops. Many schools or early childhood centers offer classes or can refer you to one. Mulholland also recommends the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk . A mental health therapist can also help you work through issues from your own childhood and find a parenting approach that will work for your family.

Which parenting style is most encouraged?

Authoritative parenting is the most recommended parenting style . The combination of clear communication and age-appropriate standards can lead to emotionally stable adults who can handle themselves in social situations and set goals for themselves.

To take an authoritative approach, parents can:

• Set clear boundaries and communicate them to children.
• Offer children choices and have discussions about what’s appropriate. For example, you can choose which pajamas you want to wear to bed. You cannot wear your winter coat to bed because it will be too warm.
• Listen to and explore their children’s emotional health concerns.
• Frequently express love and affection.

A helpful approach can be to use praise and positive reinforcement to encourage desired behavior. Ignore annoying, but not dangerous, attempts at getting attention, such as banging on a wall or whining. You also can tell children, “I’ll wait and respond to you when you stop whining.”

Another approach is to reward children with something they want. For example, instead of taking away their tablet until they do their homework, use it as a reward. “I’m going to give you your tablet as soon as you’re done with your homework.” That way the tablet is a reinforcer instead of a consequence.

How to set limits for children

A big part of parenting is setting rules and limits for your children. A metaphor from Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D. , suggests thinking of parenting like enclosing a pasture for your sheep. You build a fence and put things the sheep need in the pasture — plus some fun things to play with. Then let the sheep roam around within their limits.

“You don’t tell the sheep ‘You need to only be in this corner.’ Or ‘You need to only eat that type of flower,'” Mulholland explains. “They’re likely to run into the good flowers and eat the good stuff. But you’re also going to have the fence around them. So there’s a limit as to how far they can go.”

The same with children. As the parents, you set the limits and provide children with food to eat and toys to play with. As the children show they’re being responsible and can handle more, you can expand their boundaries.

Setting limits together

As much as you can, decide with your child what your limits are ahead of time. For example, before the start of a new school year, decide on your limits for weekday screen time, after-school snacks or homework rules.

If you’re trying to make rules on the fly, you’re more likely to be inconsistent from day to day. If you decide that the kids get 90 minutes of screen time on a school night, then you can always hold to that, and the kids know what to expect.

If you have a spouse or co-parent, discuss limits together. It’s common for two parents to have different ideas of what’s appropriate, so it’s helpful to set the boundaries together. And whether you live in the same house or not, try to maintain the same basic limits.

“The most important thing is — in front of the child — you 100% have your partner’s back, even if you disagree wholeheartedly with how they approached it. In front of the child, you have to have their back,” Mulholland says. “In the moment you say, ‘Yep. Dad said eat your broccoli. ‘” If you would have done things differently, talk to your partner about it away from the kids.

Your relationship with a grown child

Parenting style also plays a role in the relationship between parents and their children when they become adults. Kids who had strict, inflexible parents might not have a close relationship as adults. Kids of permissive parents might come back for help frequently when they are in a bind. Kids who grew up with encouraging, supportive parents tend to have close relationships with their parents. They will be independent, but still go to their parents for advice.

“The best-case scenario is they’re still keeping you involved in their life,” Mulholland says. “They’re telling you about the hardships and maybe even seeking advice, but they’re also not expecting you to fix everything.”

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93 Parenting Styles Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best parenting styles topic ideas & essay examples, 🥇 most interesting parenting styles topics to write about, 📌 simple & easy parenting styles essay titles, ❓ research questions about parenting styles.

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• Parenting Styles: Advantages and Disadvantages Kids do what they are made to do because they want to escape the punishment. As parents support children, they become independent and strong-willed.
• Four Styles of Parenting The authors continue to explain that parenting styles are affected by children’s and parents’ dispositions and mainly based on the influence of one’s culture, traditions and origins. The four types of parenting styles include Authoritarian […]
• Parenting Style in Japan and USA Parenting encompasses the growth ecology of a growing up child, and hence it is very important in shaping up the behavior of the child and in their physical survival, social growth, cognitive development, and emotional […]
• Parenting Styles and Their Influence on Adulthood The family context is regarded as essential because it helps to establish the link between childhood and the relationships of a person with their parents with future behavior and performance.
• Parenting Styles: China vs. North America Since Chinese parenting styles pay critical emphasis on the role of parents in shaping their children’s outcomes, it may be viewed as better compared to the North American style that only focuses much on self-esteem.
• Authoritarian vs. Permissive Parenting Styles Authoritarian and permissive styles are parenting approaches that are commonly used and that have varied effects on children because they approach the concepts of discipline, warmth, nurturance, and communication differently.
• Different Parenting Styles The disadvantage of this style of parenting is that it over-estimates the value of discipline and forgets to highlight the importance of independence and self reliance, which is vital for maturity of an adolescent child.
• Parenting Styles and Authority Problems Authority or the right to influence the actions and opinions of other people plays an important part in many areas of our life, including the relations between a parent and a child.
• Parenting Styles and Academic Motivation Lyengar and Brown conducted a study about the correlation between the academic achievements among the students and the parenting styles. This report paper tries to synthesize the literature review that surrounds the influence of parenting […]
• How Does Having a Child With Autism Affects Parents’ Lifestyle? The creation of a system of psychological, pedagogical and social support can reduce the risk of a complete family life dedication to a child with autism.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Parenting Style On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being lowest and 10 being highest, how much do you believe that kids need to learn early who the boss is in the family?
• Parenting Styles and Overweight Status The authoritarian parenting style has a strict disciplinarian and a high expectation of the child’s self-control from the parent but a low sensitivity.
• Analysis of Bullying and Parenting Style Since the given topic usually refers to children and adolescents, it is evident that their parents hold a portion of responsibility because the adults affect the growth and development of young individuals.
• Parenting Styles Concept Comprehensive Study The differentiation between the main parenting styles depends upon the cultural context and the personal perceptions of the parenting strategies. The choice of the most appropriate parenting style can have a significant impact on the […]
• Gender-Schema and Social Cognitive Theory in Parenting Styles Children live according to the rules and direction given by the parents and they are denied the chance of voicing out their views.
• Parenting Style and the Development First of all, the effectiveness of the authoritative style has been repeatedly confirmed in the relevant literature; in fact, it is now considered to be the most effective of the three styles.
• Parenting Styles of Young Adults The authoritative parenting style generates intrinsic motivation in students, which enables them to have better academic performance. Different studies have indicated that better academic performance is not confined to the authoritative parenting style.
• Parenting and Its Major Styles Relations between the children and their parents are the basic criteria on which the development of the child is based. In the course of a month or two, an infant begins to show the affection […]
• Styles of Parenting as a Psychological Strategies In the third style of parenting, which is indulgent parenting, the parent is responsive but not demanding. In this form of parenting, the parent is detached and uninvolved.
• Chinese Parenting Style in Raising Successful Children The parenting approach by a large number of Western parents influences children to embrace the notion that their abilities have limits and promotes the development of characters who quit on every difficult task.
• Parenting’s Skills, Values and Styles Subtopic 2: Parental Values and Attitudes That Accompany Stages in the Development of the Child Description of Concrete Experience: I learnt that in the early stages of development, the child is in most cases preoccupied […]
• Alcohol Drinking Frequency Correlated to the Four Parenting Styles
• Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting Styles Comparison
• Parenting Styles: The Impact on Student Achievement
• Parenting Styles and Academic Achievement: A Cross-Cultural Study
• Perceived Parenting Styles, Depersonalisation, Anxiety and Coping Behaviour in Adolescents
• Influence of Parenting Styles on the Social Development of Children
• Parenting Styles in a Cultural Context: Observations of “Protective Parenting” in First‐Generation Latinos
• Linking Mother-Father Differences in Parenting to a Typology of Family Parenting Styles and Adolescent Outcomes
• Parental Influences on Adolescent Adjustment: Parenting Styles Versus Parenting Practices
• Reliability and Validity of Parenting Styles & Dimensions Questionnaire
• Internet Parenting Styles and the Impact on Internet Use of Primary School Children
• A Neurobiological Perspective on Early Adversity and the Transmission of Parenting Styles Across Generations
• Revisiting a Neglected Construct: Parenting Styles in a Child-Feeding Context
• Parenting Styles and Child Behavior in African American Families of Preschool Children
• Correspondence Between Maternal and Paternal Parenting Styles in Early Childhood
• Associations of Parenting Styles and Dimensions With Academic Achievement in Children and Adolescents: A Meta-Analysis
• Parenting Styles, Adolescent Substance Use, and Academic Achievement
• Remembered Parenting Styles and Adjustment in Middle and Late Adulthood
• Differential Parenting Styles for Fathers and Mothers
• Sex‐Based Differences in Parenting Styles in a Sample With Preschool Children
• The Relationship of Perceived Parenting Styles to Perfectionism
• The Relationship Between Parenting Styles and Creativity and the Predictability of Creativity by Parenting Styles
• Parenting Styles, Feeding Styles, and Their Influence on Child Obesogenic Behaviors and Body Weight
• High School Students’ Goal Orientations and Their Relationship to Perceived Parenting Styles
• Parenting Styles and Youth Well-Being Across Immigrant Generations
• Parenting Styles, Adolescents’ Attributions, and Educational Outcomes in Nine Heterogeneous High Schools
• Relationships Between Parenting Styles and Risk Behaviors in Adolescent Health: An Integrative Literature Review
• Relationship Between Adolescent Sexual Risk-Taking and Perceptions of Monitoring, Communication, and Parenting Styles
• The Long Arm of Parenting: How Parenting Styles Influence Crime and the Pathways That Explain This Effect
• The Role of Parenting Styles on Behavior Problem Profiles of Adolescents
• On the Development of Regulatory Focus: The Role of Parenting Styles
• The Influence of Parenting Styles, Achievement Motivation, and Self-Efficacy on Academic Performance in College Students
• Parenting Children With Down Syndrome: An Analysis of Parenting Styles, Parenting Dimensions, and Parental Stress
• The Relationship Between Internet Parenting Styles and Internet Usage of Children and Adolescents
• The Role of Perceived Parenting Styles in Thinking Styles
• Generational Changes in Parenting Styles and the Effect of Culture
• Parenting Styles and Self-Efficacy of Adolescents: Malaysian Scenario
• Asian Parenting Styles and Academic Achievement: Views From Eastern and Western Perspectives
• Adolescents’ Perceived Parenting Styles and Their Substance Use: Concurrent and Longitudinal Analyses
• Elucidating the Etiology and Nature of Beliefs About Parenting Styles
• What Are the Four Types of Parenting Styles?
• How Does Parenting Styles Influence a Child‘s Developmente of Children?
• Which of the Four Parenting Styles Is the Best?
• How Do You Determine Parenting Styles?
• How Does Culture Affect Parenting Styles?
• What Unites All Parenting Styles?
• How Parenting Styles Directly Associated With Academic Rerformance of Children?
• How Do Parenting Styles Affect Children’s Personality?
• What Are the Most Damaging Parenting Styles?
• Which Parenting Styles Are Most Encouraged in America?
• Which Country Has the Best Parenting Styles?
• Which Parenting Styles Are the Best in the United States and Why Are They Recommended?
• Which Are the Most Commonly Used Parenting Style?
• What Are the Parenting Styles in France?
• Do Parenting Styles Change Over Time?
• Who Invented the Four Parenting Styles?
• Who Came up With the Different Parenting Styles?
• Who Did the Most Influential Research on Parenting Styles?
• What Are the Factors That Influence Parenting Styles?
• What Is the Importance of Parenting Styles?
• Why Do Parenting Styles Differ?
• What Is Diana Baumrind’s Parenting Styles Theory?
• How Do Different Parenting Styles Influence Development?
• What Effect Do Parenting Styles Have on Children in School?
• Can Two Parents Have Different Parenting Styles?
• Which of Baumrind’s Four Parenting Styles Is Most Obedience Oriented?
• Do Parenting Styles Vary From Culture to Culture?
• What Is the Significance of Knowing Different Parenting Styles for Teachers?
• Can Different Parenting Styles Ruin Marriage?
• Which of Baumrind’s Parenting Styles Is Highly Involved but Not Very Demanding?
• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

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Authoritative Parenting Styles Essay

The authoritative parenting style is about setting limits, reasoning with kids, and being responsive to their emotional needs. This style is common in middle class parenting throughout the world, and it’s connected with the most successful child outcomes. While authoritative parents are very sincere, nurturing, and open towards their children, they also expect high levels of independence and maturity. Rather than running to their child’s assistance every time they are in need of something, authoritative parenting suggests letting the child work out their problems on their own.

Children raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become independent, self-confident, socially accepted, educationally successful, and obedient . Teens are less likely to become depressed and have anxiety, and less likely to engage in antisocial behavior like lawbreaking and drug use. Research shows that having at least one authoritative parent can make a big difference. Growing up Thad divorced parents, but both of my parents used the authoritative parenting style .

My father used the more strict side of authoritative parenting, where I am expected to be mature, independent, and answer to my mistakes. My mother used the loving and nurturing side of authoritative parenting style, she was always sincere and was always there to listen to my problems. Many misinterpret and think that authoritative parenting is unfriendly and detached, but that is far from true. Children are the very main focus of this parenting style, and their wishes are given the highest attention. They are simply expected to show maturity and are taught to understand the world they are in.

Authoritative parents take their children’s wishes and feelings into consideration before asking the child to do something, talk about the child’s feelings, help when the child is scared or upset, provide the child with reasons for the expectations anticipated for them, and respect the child’s opinion and encourage him or her to express them. Authoritative parents are tremendously focused to their children’s needs, and their responses are always centered on the behaviors they see in their children. Strong rules and penalties are set, but children are also taught that it is okay to make mistakes.

Often, the child will be warned and forgiven if they don’t reach a certain level of expectation. However, while forgiveness can be offered, the main part of authoritative parenting is setting the rules and then sticking to them. Too often, parents give their children rules, and then fail to follow through; this teaches your child zero except that you don’t mean what you say. The entire goal of authoritative parenting is to teach. Teaching children to be mature, teaching them that they are responsible for their own actions and the rewards or penalties that come from them.

Also teaching independence, understanding, and the fact they if they need something, they are always able to turn to their parents and will be acknowledged with friendliness and understanding. A child who is molded by the experiences of loving, caring parents is a child who can stand on his or her own two feet and not be influenced by the negative behaviors of others. This should be the hope of all parents for their children. One way to achieve this is to allow your child to talk with you about your rules and expectations in a polite manner.

Let them tell you, again politely, what they feel is fair and unfair. Ask them what they might recommend instead of your rule. If they have a point and a good explanation, try it for a while. If they screw up, sit them down and talk with them about their wrongdoing and then talk about returning to the rules that you had set in the first place and why. It doesn’t mean they will like it, but it is teaching them their behaviors have consequences and sometimes rules are changed when one the child doesn’t hold up to their end of the promise.

Children of authoritative parents rank the highest cholastically of all other parenting styles, with higher test scores, more school participation and less unwanted behavior. Possibly most important, is that parents who use the authoritative parenting style have more influence with their children than their peers. This is particularly important because a number of a child’s learned behavior happens at school or in other public surroundings away from home. It’s possible that this specific parenting style directs the child in a specific positive direction and the warmth given and correct limits set by the parents allow the child to follow less to peer influences.

Rather than doing everything for the child, authoritative parenting pursues to teach the child to do for themselves. Behaviors must be learned, not forced. Authoritative parenting teaches children to be so independent, consequently; children raised in this way tend to have a much more complex self-esteem and are much more confident in their skills. Most parents know that astonished look of pride that children get when they do something by themselves for the first time. They also long for the admiration and joy that they get from you, which only makes them want to do more activities on their own.

Each time the child achieves something new, they are rewarded. In this way, they learn to take pride in their accomplishments, and soon are able to do almost anything for themselves; within an age-appropriate way, of course. With all of the accomplishments these children achieve and receive recognition for, it’s no wonder that studies have shown them to be generally happier children overall. Parenting is also completely child-centered, so this also contributes to the fact that children raised in this style have very happy characters.

Learning to do tasks on their own and not having mom and dad directly come and do things for them can often be infuriating for children at first. Learning something new is always tough; especially for children. But with love and encouragement, children learn patience as well as emotional control. The continuous learning process and the constant expectation to do things for themselves will teach children to stay calm and keep their emotions in control rather than bursting out into fits when something doesn’t go their way.

The independence learned through authoritative parenting also leads children to having better social skills. Because they have learned to take responsibility for their actions, emotional control, and maturity, children are able to handle themselves in social situations. Another big part of it is that children tend to learn from what they see their parents do. Authoritative parents make every effort to be so caring, open, and involved, that those characteristics are passed on to their children who then treat others that same way.

Clearly there is no enchanted way of parenting that promises you the perfect child. He or she won’t be the way you want them to be every time. The most important idea of any parenting style is steadiness and flexibility. Be consistent when it comes to your focus, replies, rules, and punishments, but also realize that parenting has to be built on a large part of your and your child’s personalities. Think back to the choices you made when you were your kids’ ages. Your decisions weren’t always the best or smartest.

Cut them some slack and offer them some help when they need it. When confronted with a decision about whether or not a behavior needs disciplining, ask whether or not it was a deliberate, known act of disobedience. Was it an accident? Had you told them 50 times not to take food or drinks in the living room on the new couch and they did it anyway? The spill may have been an accident, but putting the food on the new couch was disobedient. Do they have a bad attitude? If yes, are they disrespectful to you when they have a bad attitude? Think about your attitude at work.

Even when you are upset or you don’t feel well, you know how to act when the boss walks in the room. Your kids they can have bad attitudes sometimes, but how they treat others when they feel grumpy is what is important and what can possibly get them in trouble. If they completely failed a math test, give them some room to be mad. If their phone is broken, give them room to be upset, but begin teaching them to not let their emotions change their behaviors towards others. It’s an appreciated lesson even we adults need their memory jogged from time to time!

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Don’t Politicize Parenting. We Need Bridges, Not Fences

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To the Editor:

The opinion essay is a fair acknowledgement that a perceived right-left divide can inhibit communication and partnerships between communities and schools (“ Why Educators Often Have It Wrong About Right-Leaning Parents ,” March 4, 2024). However, I believe there are also many ways to reduce this gap and find common ground on points on which we can agree. Unfortunately, the title of the essay immediately contradicts this goal; it already assumes that this is a one-sided issue because “educators often have it wrong.”

I could respectfully refute many of the examples in the piece and suggest that there may be other variables at play. Then, to highlight this polarization even further, the authors provide situational binaries that describe parents’ positions in one way and the schools in another, throwing a spotlight on differences. A rebuttal piece may offer right-leaning parents further explanation about why some educators feel as they do. In fact, this is how “40 percent or more of the nation can wind up feeling maligned or misunderstood.” As one example of the differences, the authors cite parents who are concerned that books in school expose their children to undesirable, “sexually explicit” text. But what if parents (right and left) listened carefully to one another, leading to places in which they, in fact, might agree.

Again, the solution is only considered in binary terms: The educator sees it this way and the right-leaning parent sees it another way.

I saw no solutions here or a desire to be a partner in bridging the gap; rather it was a defensive posture on the authors’ position.

Deborah Shea Professor & Educational Leadership Program Director Russell Sage College Troy, N.Y.

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A version of this article appeared in the April 17, 2024 edition of Education Week as Don’t Politicize Parenting. We Need Bridges, Not Fences

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I hated when other moms told me to ‘just wait.’ And now I've become one

“Cate’s been such an easy baby,” my friend told me as she described her second-born’s sunny disposition one afternoon at the park.   

I watched my own second-born child, a toddler, as he ran around the playground. I gripped my cup of coffee as I waited for his next catastrophe: pushing another child, melting down on a too-high slide, falling from an inappropriate climb, or eating mulch.  

“Just wait,” I said, nodding toward my wild child. “He was a chill baby, too.”   

Later that evening, after I’d tucked my children into bed and tried to fall asleep myself, I realized what I’d done: I just waited my dear, newly postpartum friend.  

I, like every other mother on the planet, hated being just waited . Just wait until he’s talking. Just wait until he starts school. Just wait until he’s a teenager.  

Just waiting someone tries to steal present happiness by planting anxiety about a harrowing future around the corner. It’s not a kind thing to impose upon anyone — and I’d just done it without thinking to my friend.  

The next day, I texted an apology to my friend, and she was gracious in her response. But as I went about the day parenting my difficult toddler, reinforcing boundaries as he climbed the furniture and squeezed toothpaste all over the floor, I realized something: My just wait was not motivated by meanness. It was my way of confiding something hard about my own life. And in this realization, I started to reconsider the motivations of those who had just waited me in the past. 

Even though we all hate hearing just wait , it’s still more socially appropriate than, say, unloading our pain onto acquaintances. While I might make small talk at playdates about my children’s milestones, I’m not likely to include the part where I’m afraid my children aren’t meeting theirs because I let them use screens too often. Or because we don’t get enough outdoor time. Or because no matter how much meditation I do before bed, I still struggle with being a present parent.  

In the same way that we all know it’s not socially savvy to respond to the question, “How are you?” with a candid response, there are very few face-to-face outlets for parents to talk about the insecurities and difficulties that come with child rearing. And this lack of deep connection comes with severe consequences: the loneliness epidemic extends to parents, too, and the health consequences are as severe as smoking .  

As I reflected upon my own gaffe with my friend, I thought back to an encounter I had with an older woman at church several weeks before.  

“Just wait until he starts extracurriculars,” she said as I spoke about how I struggled to balance a toddler’s nap schedule with the rest of our family’s commitments. Though I resented what I perceived as negativity and cynicism directed toward me, I reevaluated my encounter with her:  

What if this was her way of confiding something difficult about her life? I thought to myself. Maybe she’s looking for an outlet to talk about how hard her own children’s activities have been for her. Maybe her just wait has nothing to do with me at all. Maybe this is her imperfect attempt at connection. 

Taking on this mindset — that others are looking to share rather than harm — has helped me reframe many other encounters that I may perceive as offensive or rude. Really listening to another person’s just wait helps me cultivate empathy, rather than resentment, toward other parents. 

While I appreciate those who share the positive events awaiting me in the parenting journey — the first smile, the first full night’s sleep, the first walk, the first dance — when someone just waits me with something negative, I’m trying to perceive those comments as information rather than affronts. When an older parent threatens me with the horror that is the teenage years , I could choose to take offense. Or I could consider it the beginning of a conversation: a glimmer of their humanity, an opportunity to be present with another person, a person just as imperfect and hungry for meaningful relationships as myself.

Anna Rollins' forthcoming memoir "Famished" (Eerdmans) discusses the importance of women listening to their own bodies. Follow her writing on Substack and Instagram .