why is it important to understand yourself essay

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The importance of knowing yourself: your key to fulfillment

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What does it mean to know yourself?

The importance and benefits of knowing one's self, how to know yourself better, how to improve your self-knowledge, how coaching can help.

Think of the most eccentric person in your life. You know the one. 

The one who either shows up in a disheveled leather jacket or an all-black outfit and a beret. They’re somewhat aloof but always energetic. Unapologetically flamboyant, but always kind and understanding. This person chooses to be themselves, not who they’re expected to be. 

They don’t care about the world’s expectations. This sometimes gets them into trouble or attracts judging glares from nearby strangers. But, you have to admit, it would be nice to have that kind of self-confidence . And you can!

In a world rife with expectations, living authentically can feel impossible. It feels easier to have your path planned for you. But, in the long run, this will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life.

The great philosopher Socrates said it himself: “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” 

So if you’re wondering whether authenticity is worth pursuing, the short answer is “yes.” And, for the detail-oriented among you, here’s everything you need to know about the importance of knowing yourself — so you too can find your true self.

Knowing yourself is about discovering what makes you tick. Among other things, it means:

• Learning your likes and dislikes
• Unearthing your beliefs and values
• Knowing your personal boundaries
• Accepting your personality traits
• Being a better team player
• Having a clearer path in your professional life
• Understanding how you interact with others
• Recognizing your core personal values
• Increasing your capacity for self-compassion
• Having a clearer idea of your life’s purpose
• Knowing what it takes to be self-motivated
• Being more adaptable  

Ultimately, all of these things will increase your self-awareness . Being more self-aware lends to enhanced self-development, acceptance, and proactivity while benefiting our overall mental health .

We’ll be more confident, make better decisions, have stronger relationships, and be more honest .

Knowing yourself is about knowing what makes you tick. It means identifying what matters to you, your strengths and weaknesses, your behaviors, tendencies, and thought patterns. This list describes the importance and benefits of knowing one's self:

1. Despite your quirks, flaws, and insecurities, you learn self-love and acceptance. Once you do, you can walk through the world with more confidence and care less about what people think. 

2. You can change your personality flaws and improve on your weaknesses. You are empowered to become who you want to be. This will help you become a better, more well-rounded person.

3. You’ll have more emotional intelligence , which is key to knowing others. You’ll be more conscious of your own emotions and feelings, making it easier to understand another person's point of view.

4. You'll be more confident. Self-doubt disappears when you know and accept yourself, and others won't influence you as easily. It'll be easier to stand your ground .

5. You’ll forge better relationships. It’s easier to share yourself when you know yourself. You’ll also know what kind of people you get along with, so you can find your community .

6. You’ll be less stressed. Self-awareness will help you make decisions that are better for you. And when this happens, you become less stressed about what people think or whether you made the right choice. 

7. You’ll break patterns of disappointment. Y ou'll find repetitive behaviors that lead to poor outcomes when you look inward. Once you name them, you can break them.

8. You’ll be happier. Expressing who you are, loud and proud, will help you improve your well-being.

10. You'll have more self-worth. Why is self-worth important? Because it helps you avoid compromising your core values and beliefs. Valuing yourself also teaches others to respect you.

11. You'll understand your values. We can’t understate the importance of knowing your values. They will help you make decisions aligned with who you are and what you care about.

12. You'll find purpose in life. Knowing purpose in life will give you a clear idea of where you should go and what you should do. 

Getting to know yourself is hard. It involves deep self-reflection, honesty, and confronting parts of yourself you might be afraid of. But it’s a fundamental part of self-improvement .

If you need help, try working with a professional. BetterUp can help you navigate your inner world.

Now that we’re clear on the importance of knowing yourself, you might not know where to get started. Let’s get into it.

Check your VITALS

Author Meg Selig coined the term VITALS as a guide for developing self-knowledge. Its letters spell out the six core pillars of self-understanding:

These are your guides for decision-making and setting your goals. Understanding them will help you make decisions aligned with your authentic self. Here are some example values:

• Being helpful
• Trust 
• Wealth 

You can see how each of these might lead to different life choices. For example, if you value honesty, you might quit a job where you have to lie to others.

2. I nterests

Your interests are what you do without being asked, like your hobbies, passions, and causes you care about. You can then try to align your work with these interests. Here are some examples:

• Climate change. If you’re passionate about this issue, you might choose to work directly on the problem. Or you can make choices that allow for a more sustainable lifestyle, like owning an electric car.
• Audio editing. Perhaps you’re an amateur musician, and you spend your time recording and editing audio. You can start working as a freelance editor or find a job that uses these skills.
• Fitness. If you love working out and value helping others, you might consider becoming a trainer at your local gym or leading a running group.

Not all of your interests need to be a side-hustle . But being aware of them can help you make decisions that better suit your desired life. It is really about knowing your priorities.

3. T emperament

Your temperament describes where your energy comes from. You might be an introvert and value being alone. Or, as an extrovert, you find energy being around others.

Knowing your temperament will help you communicate your needs to others. 

If you’re a meticulous planner going on a trip, you should communicate this to your more spontaneous travel buddy. They might feel suffocated by your planning, leading to arguments down the road. Bringing it up before your trip will help talk it out to avoid conflict later.

4. A round-the-clock activities

This refers to when you like to do things. If you’re a writer and you’re more creative at night, carve out time in the evening to work. If you prefer working out in the morning, make it happen. Aligning your schedule with your internal clock will make you a happier human being.

5. L ife-mission and goals

Knowing your life mission is about knowing what gives your life meaning. It gives you purpose, a vocation , and something to strive for.

To find your life mission, think about what events were most meaningful to you so far. For example:

• Leading a successful project at the office
• Influencing positive change through your work
• Helping someone else succeed

There are many ways to fulfill a life mission. You can fulfill your goals with the skills and resources you have. For example, “helping someone succeed” could mean becoming a teacher or mentoring a young professional.

6. S trengths and weaknesses

These include both “hard skills” (like industry-specific knowledge and talents) and “soft skills” (like communication or emotional intelligence ).

When you do what you’re good at, you’re more likely to succeed, which will improve your morale and mental health.

Knowing your weaknesses and toxic traits will help you improve on them or minimize their influence on your life.

Are you ready to get started? There are many ways to understand your inner self:

• Write in a journal
• Step out of your comfort zone
• Track your progress
• Choose smart habits

A professional coach will encourage you to reflect on and reframe your inner thoughts and patterns. They understand that, in many cases, impulsivity holds you back from attaining your full potential.

The amygdala — an almond-sized region of the brain partially responsible for emotions — releases dopamine to reinforce impulsive behavior . This happens every time you open Facebook instead of working, eat chocolate while on a diet, or get angry at your colleagues instead of helping solve the problem.

Self-awareness can help you overcome your impulsivity. Armed with the right tools, you can break unhealthy or unwanted behaviors. 

A coach can help you meet these ends. They can teach you:

• Mindfulness: the acceptance that nothing is inherently good or bad 
• Metacognition: the awareness that your mind is the root of your actions
• Reframing: the power to react differently to an event or circumstance

These three elements can help you strengthen your self-control . You'll keep a cool head in stressful situations, communicate more effectively with others, and become a better leader overall.

In other words: by checking in with yourself, you avoid wrecking yourself.

At BetterUp , our coaches are trained in Inner Work® and understand the importance of knowing yourself. This is a lifetime journey. But together, we can make your life better.

Discover your authentic self

Kickstart your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. Our coaches can guide you to better understand yourself and your potential.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

The benefits of knowing yourself: Why you should become your own best friend

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What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)

• Tasha Eurich

Although most people believe that they are self-aware, true self-awareness is a rare quality. In this piece, the author describes a recent large-scale investigation that shed light on some of the biggest roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness really is — and what it takes to cultivate it. Specifically, the study found that there are actually two distinct types of self-awareness, that experience and power can hinder self-awareness, and that introspection doesn’t always make you more self-aware. Understanding these key points can help leaders learn to see themselves more clearly.

It’s not just about introspection.

Self-awareness seems to have become the latest management buzzword — and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative . We make sounder decisions , build stronger relationships , and communicate more effectively . We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal . We are better workers who get more promotions . And we’re more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies .

• TE Tasha Eurich , PhD, is an organizational psychologist, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is the principal of The Eurich Group, a boutique executive development firm that helps companies — from startups to the Fortune 100 — succeed by improving the effectiveness of their leaders and teams. Her newest book, Insight , delves into the connection between self-awareness and success in the workplace.

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The Importance of Knowing Yourself

A couple of days ago, I wrote about Permission Granted: Say YES to Yourself. I had a number of people share information with me about that post and people started say yes to themselves for the first time in a long time. One question really hit home for me though – the question was “What if you don’t know who you are?”

Don’t worry, I can relate to this question so deeply… It wasn’t that long ago, I have been in a similar place. Actually when I was  playing professional tennis , I had a lot of people talk to me about tennis and I had invested a lot of time as a tennis player.

Then when tennis was over for me professionally, I started to go on a search to find out who I was. Back then, I had little idea of who or what I was and am grateful for that time when  “The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  ~ Anaï s  Nin and I have been discovering my true Self ever since.

What Does Knowing Yourself Mean?

Socrates said it so well ~  “Know Thyself.” 

Knowing yourself is not about the skimming the surface like finding a favourite colour or music you like (although they may give you some clues). Knowing yourself is about delving much deeper.

Knowing yourself is an adventure. It is about discovering who you are as a human being – yes the real you. The journey is unpredictable and engages you deeply as it brings you face-to-face with your deepest fears, self-doubts, vulnerabilities and insecurities.

On the adventure you question how you are living your life and whether or not it is in alignment with your highest purpose. And if you don’t yet know your highest purpose, allow yourself to live in that space of not knowing.

The adventure around knowing yourself can be challenging and scary, however it also changes over time. For me remembering  “This Too Shall Pass ” has been a gift and the work does pay off – but not the way we may expect (well it wasn’t for me!).

Knowing yourself means giving yourself permission to not knowing whilst unravelling the deeper truth of who you are. It is about listening to a deeper calling and wisdom within, whilst following your heart. Knowing yourself is about being aware of your core values, priorities and dreams (yes even if you don’t remember them yet).

Knowing yourself means respecting (but not attaching to) your strengths and limitations, your passions and fears, your desires and dreams, your thoughts and feelings, your likes and dislikes, your tolerances and limitations.

Why Is Getting to Know Yourself so Important?

To be honest, it is up to you and you have to decide for yourself the importance of knowing yourself and whether you want to go on that adventure. It takes courage and a willingness to peel back the layers bit by bit.

For me, I felt lost, stuck (a bit like a caged bird) and had a deep longing or feeling within my heart that was not going away (no matter what I achieved or did on the outside). I decided and committed many years ago, that I was not going to stop until I discovered what I was searching for.

Fortunately after a while, I stopped searching on the outside and realised that the search was an inside job and I had to do the work, no one else could do it for me.

The Tao the Ching says ~

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”   and  “The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.”   ~ J. Paulsen

Over to You…

After reading this post, do you think it is important to know yourself? If so, feel free to share your thoughts below.

If you are ready to take yourself on the journey of getting to know yourself (your true self), why not join  the Toolkit ? A place where I share tools, inspiration and ideas to live a courageous and openhearted life. Also – you may also like to join Lead from Within .

Page Reference –

I have had many people want to reference this page, so here is the correct reference. Thanks in advance for honouring my work 🙂

Taylor, J. (2015).  The Importance of Knowing Yourself.  [WWW] Available from: https://www.janetaylor.net/importance-knowing/ [Accessed …….. ]

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August 7, 2018 | Kenneth Best - UConn Communications

Know Thyself: The Philosophy of Self-Knowledge

Dating back to an ancient Greek inscription, the injunction to 'know thyself' has encouraged people to engage in a search for self-understanding. Philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses its history and relevance to the present.

From Socrates to today's undergraduates, philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses the history and current relevance of the human quest for self-knowledge. (Getty Images)

UConn philosopher Mitchell S. Green leads a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) titled Know Thyself: The Value and Limits of Self-Knowledge  on the online learning platform Coursera. The course is based on his 2018 book (published by Routledge) of the same name. He recently spoke with Ken Best of UConn Today about the philosophy and understanding of self-knowledge. This is an edited transcript of their discussion.

Q. ‘Know Thyself’ was carved into stone at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, according to legend. Scholars, philosophers, and civilizations have debated this question for a long time. Why have we not been able to find the answer?

A. I’m not sure that every civilization or even most civilizations have taken the goal to achieve self-knowledge as being among the most important ones. It comes and goes. It did have cachet in the Greece of 300-400 BC. Whether it had similar cachet 200 years later or had something like cultural importance in the heyday of Roman civilization is another question. Of course some philosophers would have enjoined people to engage in a search for self-understanding; some not so much. Likewise, think about the Middle Ages. There’s a case in which we don’t get a whole lot of emphasis on knowing the self, instead the focus was on knowing God. It’s only when Descartes comes on the scene centuries later that we begin to get more of a focus on introspection and understanding ourselves by looking within. Also, the injunction to “know thyself” is not a question, and would have to be modified in some way to pose a question. However, suppose the question is, “Is it possible to know oneself, either in part or fully.” In that case, I’d suggest that we’ve made considerable progress in answering this question over the last two millennia, and in the Know Thyself book, and in the MOOC of the same name, I try to guide readers and students through some of what we have learned.

Q. You point out that the shift Descartes brought about is a turning point in Western philosophy.

A. Right. It’s for various reasons cultural, political, economic, and ideological that the norm of self-knowledge has come and gone with the tides through Western history. Even if we had been constantly enjoined to achieve self-knowledge for the 2,300 years since the time Socrates spoke, just as Sigmund Freud said about civilization – that civilization is constantly being created anew and everyone being born has to work their way up to being civilized being – so, too, the project of achieving self-knowledge is a project for every single new member of our species. No one can be given it at birth. It’s not an achievement you get for free like a high IQ or a prominent chin. Continuing to beat that drum, to remind people of the importance of that, is something we’ll always be doing. I’m doubtful we’ll ever reach a point we can all say: Yup, we’re good on that. We’ve got that covered, we’ve got self-knowledge down. That’s a challenge for each of us, every time somebody is born. I would also say, given the ambient, environmental factors as well as the predilections that we’re born with as part of our cognitive and genetic nature, there are probably pressures that push against self-knowledge as well. For instance, in the book I talk about the cognitive immune system that tends to make us spin information in our own favor. When something goes bad, there’s a certain part of us, hopefully within bounds, that tends to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. That’s probably a good way of getting yourself up off the floor after you’ve been knocked down.

Q. Retirement planners tell us you’re supposed to know yourself well enough to know what your needs are going to be – create art or music, or travel – when you have all of your time to use. At what point should that point of getting to know yourself better begin?

A. I wouldn’t encourage a 9-year-old to engage in a whole lot of self-scrutiny, but I would say even when you’re young some of those indirect, especially self-distancing, types of activities, can be of value. Imagine a 9-year-old gets in a fight on the playground and a teacher asks him: Given what you said to the other kid that provoked the fight, if he had said that to you, how would you feel? That might be intended to provoke an inkling of self-knowledge – if not in the form of introspection, in the form of developing empathetic skills, which I think is part of self-knowledge because it allows me to see myself through another’s eyes. Toward the other end of the lifespan, I’d also say in my experience lots of people who are in, or near, retirement have the idea they’re going to stop working and be really happy. But I find in some cases that this expectation is not realistic because so many people find so much fulfillment, and rightly so, in their work. I would urge people to think about what it is that gives them satisfaction? Granted we sometimes find ourselves spitting nails as we think about the challenges our jobs present to us. But in some ways that frequent grumbling, the kind of hair-pulling stress and so forth, these might be part of what makes life fulfilling. More importantly, long-term projects, whether as part of one’s career or post-career, tend I think to provide more intellectual and emotional sustenance than do the more ephemeral activities such as cruises, safaris, and the like.

Q. We’re on a college campus with undergraduates trying to learn more about themselves through what they’re studying. They’re making decisions on what they might want to do with the rest of their life, taking classes like philosophy that encourage them to think about this. Is this an optimal time for this to take place?

A. For many students it’s an optimal time. I consider one component of a liberal arts education to be that of cultivation of the self. Learning a lot of stuff is important, but in some ways that’s just filling, which might be inert unless we give it form, or structure. These things can be achieved through cultivation of the self, and if you want to do that you have to have some idea of how you want it to grow and develop, which requires some inkling of what kind of person you think you are and what you think you can be. Those are achievements that students can only attain by trying things and seeing what happens. I am not suggesting that a freshman should come to college and plan in some rigorous and lockstep way to learn about themselves, cultivate themselves, and bring themselves into fruition as some fully formed adult upon graduation. Rather, there is much more messiness; much more unpredictable try things, it doesn’t work, throw it aside, try something else. In spite of all that messiness and ambient chaos, I would also say in the midst of that there is potential for learning about yourself; taking note of what didn’t go well, what can I learn from that? Or that was really cool, I’d like to build on that experience and do more of it. Those are all good ways of both learning about yourself and constructing yourself. Those two things can go hand-in-hand. Self-knowledge, self-realization, and self-scrutiny can happen, albeit in an often messy and unpredictable way for undergraduates. It’s also illusory for us to think at age 22 we can put on our business clothes and go to work and stop with all that frivolous self-examination. I would urge that acquiring knowledge about yourself, understanding yourself is a lifelong task.

Q. There is the idea that you should learn something new every day. A lot of people who go through college come to understand this, while some think after graduation, I’m done with that. Early in the book, you talk about Socrates’ defense of himself when accused of corrupting students by teaching them in saying: I know what I don’t know, which is why I ask questions.

It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge. — Mitchell S. Green

A. That’s very important insight on his part. That’s something I would be inclined to yell from the rooftops, in the sense that one big barrier to achieving anything in the direction of self-knowledge is hubris, thinking that we do know, often confusing our confidence in our opinions with thinking that confidence is an indication of my degree of correctness. We feel sure, and take that surety itself to be evidence of the truth of what we think. Socrates is right to say that’s a cognitive error, that’s fallacious reasoning. We should ask ourselves: Do I know what I take myself to know? It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge; the fact that opinions we have might just be opinions. It’s always astonishing to me the disparity between the confidence with which people express their opinions, on one hand, and the negligible ability they have to back them up, especially those opinions that go beyond just whether they’re hungry or prefer chocolate over vanilla. Those are things over which you can probably have pretty confident opinions. But when it comes to politics or science, history or human psychology, it’s surprising to me just how gullible people are, not because they believe what other people say, so to speak, but rather they believe what they themselves say. They tend to just say: Here is what I think. It seems obvious to me and I’m not willing to even consider skeptical objections to my position.

Q. You also bring into the fold the theory of adaptive unconscious – that we observe and pick up information but we don’t realize it at the time. How much does that feed into people thinking that they know themselves better than they do and know more than they think they do?

A. It’s huge. There’s a chapter in the book on classical psychoanalysis and Freud. I argue that the Freudian legacy is a broken one, in the sense that while his work is incredibly interesting – he made a lot of provocative and ingenious claims interesting – surprisingly few of them have been borne out with empirical evidence. This is a less controversial view than it was in the past. Experimental psychologists in the 1970s and 80s began to ask how many of those Freudian claims about the unconscious can be established in a rigorous, experimental way? The theory of the adaptive unconscious is an attempt to do that; to find out how much of the unconscious mind that Freud posited is real, and what is it like. One of the main findings is that the unconscious mind is not quite as bound up, obsessed with, sexuality and violence as posited by Freud. It’s still a very powerful system, but not necessarily a thing to be kept at bay in the way psychoanalysis would have said. According to Freud, a great deal with the unconscious poses a constant threat to the well-functioning of civilized society, whereas for people like Tim Wilson, Tanya Chartrand, Daniel Gilbert, Joseph LeDoux, Paul Ekman, and many others, we’ve got a view that says that in many ways having an adaptive unconsciousness is a useful thing, an outsourcing of lots of cognition. It allows us to process information, interpret it, without having to consciously, painstakingly, and deliberately calculate things. It’s really good in many ways that we have adaptive unconscious. On the other hand, it tends to predispose us, for example, to things like prejudice. Today there is a discussion about so-called implicit bias, which has taught us that because we grew up watching Hollywood movies where protagonist heroes were white or male, or both; saw stereotypes in advertising that have been promulgated – that experience, even if I have never had a consciously bigoted, racist, or sexist thought in my life, can still cause me to make choices that are biased. That’s a part of the message on the theory of adaptive unconscious we would want to take very seriously and be worried about, because it can affect our choices in ways that we’re not aware of.

Q. With all of this we’ve discussed, what kind of person would know themselves well?

A. Knowing oneself well would, I suspect, be a multi-faceted affair, only one part of which would have to do with introspection as that notion is commonly understood. One of these facets involves acknowledging your limitations, “owning them” as my Department of Philosophy colleague Heather Battaly would put it. Those limitations can be cognitive – my lousy memory that distorts information, my tendency to sugarcoat any bad news I may happen to receive? Take the example of a professor reading student evaluations. It’s easy to forget the negative ones and remember the positive ones – a case of “confirmation bias,” as that term is used in psychology. Knowing that I tend to do that, if that’s what I tend to do, allows me to take a second look, as painful as it might be. Again, am I overly critical of others? Do I tend to look at the glass as overly half full or overly half empty? Those are all limitations of the emotional kind, or at least have an important affective dimension. I suspect a person who knows herself well knows how to spot the characteristic ways in which she “spins” or otherwise distorts positive or negative information, and can then step back from such reactions, rather than taking them as the last word.

I’d also go back to empathy, knowing how to see things from another person’s point of view. It is not guaranteed to, but is often apt to allow me to see myself more effectively, too. If I can to some extent put myself into your shoes, then I also have the chance to be able to see myself through your eyes and that might get me to realize things difficult to see from the first-person perspective. Empathizing with others who know me might, for instance, help to understand why they sometimes find me overbearing, cloying, or quick to judge.

Q. What would someone gain in self-knowledge by listening to someone appraising them and speaking to them about how well they knew them? How does that dynamic help?

A. It can help, but it also can be shocking. Experiments have suggested other people’s assessments of an individual can often be very out of line with that person’s self-assessment. It’s not clear those other person’s assessments are less accurate – in some cases they’re more accurate – as determined by relatively well-established objective psychological assessments. Third-person assessments can be both difficult to swallow – bitter medicine – and also extremely valuable. Because they’re difficult to swallow, I would suggest taking them in small doses. But they can help us to learn about ourselves such things as that we can be unaccountably solicitous, or petty, or prone to one-up others, or thick-skinned. I’ve sometimes found myself thinking while speaking to someone, “If you could hear yourself talking right now, you might come to realize …” Humblebragging is a case in point, in which someone is ostensibly complaining about a problem, but the subtext of what they’re saying might be self-promoting as well.

All this has implications for those of us who teach. At the end of the semester I encourage my graduate assistants to read course evaluations; not to read them all at once, but instead try to take one suggestion from those evaluations that they can work on going into the next semester. I try to do the same. I would not, however, expect there ever to be a point at which one could say, “Ah! Now I fully know myself.” Instead, this is more likely a process that we can pursue, and continue to benefit from, our entire lives.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Self Awareness — The Meaning and Importance of Self-awareness

The Meaning and Importance of Self-awareness

• Categories: Self Awareness

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Published: Dec 3, 2020

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Works Cited

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.
• Tolle, E. (2004). The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. New World Library.
• Dweck, C. (2007). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books.
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hachette Books.
• Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. HarperCollins.
• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper Perennial.
• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2002). Handbook of Self-Determination Research. University of Rochester Press.
• Sinek, S. (2014). Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. Penguin.
• Greene, R. (2012). Mastery. Penguin Books.

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What Is Self-Awareness? (+5 Ways to Be More Self-Aware)

While it may not be possible to attain total objectivity about oneself (that’s a debate that has continued to rage throughout the history of philosophy), there are certainly degrees of self-awareness. It exists on a spectrum.

Although everyone has a fundamental idea of what self-awareness is, we don’t know exactly where it comes from, what its precursors are, or why some of us seem to have more or less than others.

This is where the self-awareness theory comes in, offering some potential answers to questions like these.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is self-awareness theory, research on the topic, 4 proven benefits of self-awareness, 3 examples of self-awareness skills, 5 ways to increase your self-awareness, importance in counseling and coaching, meditation, mindfulness, and self-awareness, self-awareness & emotional intelligence, 4 tips for improving self-awareness in relationships, role in the workplace and leadership, self-awareness in students and children, a take-home message.

Self-awareness theory is based on the idea that you are not your thoughts, but the entity observing your thoughts; you are the thinker, separate and apart from your thoughts (Duval & Wicklund, 1972).

We can go about our day without giving our inner self any extra thought, merely thinking and feeling and acting as we will; however, we also can focus our attention on that inner self, an ability that Duval and Wicklund (1972) termed “self-evaluation.”

When we engage in self-evaluation, we can give some thought to whether we are thinking and feeling and acting as we “should” or following our standards and values. This is referred to as comparing against our standards of correctness. We do this daily, using these standards as a way to judge the rightness of our thoughts and behaviors.

Using these standards is a major component of practicing self-control, as we evaluate and determine whether we are making the right choices to achieve our goals.

This theory has been around for several decades, giving researchers plenty of time to test its soundness. The depth of knowledge on self-awareness, its correlates, and its benefits can provide us with a healthy foundation for enhancing self-awareness in ourselves and others.

According to the theory, there are two primary outcomes of comparing ourselves against our standards of correctness:

• We “pass,” or find alignment between ourselves and our standards.
• We “fail,” or find a discrepancy between ourselves and our standards (Silvia & Duval, 2001).

When we find a discrepancy between the two, we find ourselves with two choices: to work toward reducing the discrepancy or avoid it entirely.

Self-awareness theory (and subsequent research) suggests that there are a couple of different factors that influence how we choose to respond. Basically, it comes down to how we think it will turn out. If we believe there’s little chance of actually changing this discrepancy, we tend to avoid it. If we believe it’s likely that we can improve our alignment with our standards of correctness, we take action.

Our actions will also depend on how much time and effort we believe that realignment will take; the slower progress will be, the less likely we are to take on the realignment efforts, especially if the perceived discrepancy between ourselves and our standards is large (Silvia & Duval, 2001).

Essentially, this means that when faced with a significant discrepancy that will take a lot of consistent and focused work, we often simply don’t bother and stick to avoiding self-evaluation on this particular discrepancy.

Further, our level of self-awareness interacts with the likelihood of success in realigning ourselves and our standards to determine how we think about the outcome. When we are self-aware and believe there is a high chance of success, we are generally quick to attribute that success or failure to our efforts.

Conversely, when we are self-aware but believe there is a low chance of success, we tend to think that the outcome is more influenced by external factors than our efforts (Silvia & Duval, 2001). Of course, sometimes our success in realignment with our standards is driven in part by external factors, but we always have a role to play in our successes and failures.

Interestingly, we also have some control over our standards, such that we may alter our standards if we find that we don’t measure up to them (Dana, Lalwani, & Duval, 1997).

This is more likely to happen if we’re focused more on the standards than on ourselves; if we fail when we are focused on the standards more than our performance, we are more likely to blame the standards and alter them to fit our performance (Dana et al., 1997).

Although it may sound like merely shifting the blame to standards and, therefore, letting yourself off the hook for a real discrepancy, there are many situations in which the standards are overly strict. Therapists’ offices are filled with people who hold themselves to impossibly high standards, effectively giving themselves no chance of success when comparing themselves to their internal standards.

It’s clear from the research on self-awareness that it is an important factor in how we think, feel, act, and react to our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Self Awareness – TalentSprout

Now, let’s shift our attention to research on the outcomes of being self-aware.

As you might imagine, there are many benefits to practicing self-awareness :

• It can make us more proactive, boost our acceptance, and encourage positive self-development (Sutton, 2016).
• Self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others, practice self-control , work creatively and productively, and experience pride in ourselves and our work as well as general self-esteem (Silvia & O’Brien, 2004).
• It leads to better decision making (Ridley, Schutz, Glanz, & Weinstein, 1992).
• It can make us better at our jobs, better communicators in the workplace, and enhance our self-confidence and job-related wellbeing (Sutton, Williams, & Allinson, 2015).

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So we know that self-awareness is good, but what does it look like? How does one practice self-awareness?

Below are three examples of someone practicing self-awareness skills:

Bob at work

Bob struggles with creating a quarterly report at work, and he frequently produces subpar results. He notices the discrepancy between his standards and performance and engages in self-evaluation to determine where it comes from and how to improve.

He asks himself what makes the task so hard for him, and he realizes that he never seems to have trouble doing the work that goes into the report, but rather, writing it up cohesively and clearly.

Bob decides to fix the discrepancy by taking a course to improve his writing ability, having a colleague review his report before submitting it, and creating a reusable template for future reports so he is sure to include all relevant information.

Monique at home

Monique is having relationship problems with her boyfriend, Luis. She thinks Luis takes her for granted and doesn’t tell her he loves her or share affection enough. They fight about this frequently.

Suddenly, she realizes that she may be contributing to the problem. She looks inward and sees that she doesn’t show Luis appreciation very often, overlooking the nice things he does around the house for her and little physical touches that show his affection.

Monique considers her thought processes when Luis misses an opportunity to make her feel loved and notes that she assumes he purposely avoids doing things that she likes. She spends time thinking and talking with Luis about how they want to show and receive love, and they begin to work on improving their relationship.

Bridget on her own

Bridget struggles with low self-esteem , which causes depressive symptoms. She doesn’t feel good enough, and she doesn’t accept opportunities that come her way because of it. She begins working with a therapist to help her build self-awareness.

The next time an opportunity comes her way, she thinks she doesn’t want to do it and initially decides to turn it down. Later, with the help of some self-awareness techniques, Bridget realizes that she is only telling herself she doesn’t want to do it because of her fear that she won’t be good enough.

Bridget reminds herself that she is good enough and redirects her thoughts to “what if I succeed?” instead of “what if I fail?” She accepts the opportunity and continues to use self-awareness and self-love to improve her chances of success.

These three stories exemplify what self-awareness can look like and what it can do for you when you tap into it. Without self-awareness, Bob would have kept turning in bad reports, Monique would have continued in an unsatisfying relationship or broken things off, and Bridget would never have taken the opportunity that helped her grow.

If you look for them, you can find these stories everywhere.

There are many ways to build and practice self-awareness, but here are some of the most effective:

1. Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness refers to being present in the moment and paying attention to yourself and your surroundings rather than getting lost in thought or ruminating or daydreaming.

Meditation is the practice of focusing your attention on one thing, such as your breath, a mantra, or a feeling, and letting your thoughts drift by instead of holding on to them.

Both practices can help you become more aware of your internal state and your reactions to things. They can also help you identify your thoughts and feelings and keep from getting so caught up in them that you lose your hold on your “self.”

2. Practice yoga

Yoga is a physical practice, but it’s just as much a mental practice. While your body is stretching and bending and flexing, your mind is learning discipline, self-acceptance , and awareness. You become more aware of your body and all the feelings that manifest, and you become more aware of your mind and the thoughts that crop up.

You can even pair yoga with mindfulness or meditation to boost your self-awareness.

3. Make time to reflect

Reflecting can be done in multiple ways (including journaling; see the next tip) and is customizable to the person reflecting, but the important thing is to go over your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to see where you met your standards, where you failed them, and where you could improve.

You can also reflect on your standards themselves to see if they are good ones for you to hold yourself to. You can try writing in a journal, talking out loud, or simply sitting quietly and thinking, whatever helps you to reflect on yourself.

The benefit of journaling is that it allows you to identify, clarify, and accept your thoughts and feelings. It helps you discover what you want, what you value, and what works for you. It can also help you find out what you don’t want, what is not important to you, and what doesn’t work for you.

Both are equally important to learn. Whether you like to write free-flowing entries, bulleted lists, or poems, writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you to become more aware and intentional.

5. Ask the people you love

It’s vital to feel we know ourselves from the inside, but external feedback helps too. Ask your family and close friends about what they think about you. Have them describe you and see what rings true with you and what surprises you.

Carefully consider what they say and think about it when you journal or otherwise reflect. Of course, don’t take any one person’s word as gospel; you need to talk to a variety of people to get a comprehensive view of yourself.

And remember that at the end of the day, it’s your self-beliefs and feelings that matter the most to you!

Self-awareness is a powerful tool that, when practiced regularly, can do more good for coachees and clients than anything else a professional can share with them. To make real, impactful, and lasting change, people need to be able to look inward and become familiar with that internal environment.

Building self-awareness should be a top priority for virtually all clients, after which the more traditional coaching and counseling work can begin. For example, you can counsel someone on their bad habits and give 1,000 ways to break their habits.

Still, if they don’t understand why they tend toward these bad habits in the first place, it’s almost a guarantee that they will either never break those habits or will quit for a while and simply pick up where they left off when things get tough.

Self-awareness is not only vital for the coachee or client; it is also important for the coach or counselor. In fact, self-awareness is prioritized as a core standard in the Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs Standards (2017) for the profession, as both a requirement for counselors and a necessary skill to build in clients.

It takes a good amount of self-awareness to give competent counsel and provide actionable advice. Plus, self-awareness will help the caring counselor from getting too wrapped up in their client’s problems or seeing the issues through their own skewed lens.

To truly help someone, it’s essential to see things from their perspective, and that requires being self-aware enough to put our thoughts and feelings aside sometimes.

The link between meditation, mindfulness, and self-awareness is clear, meaning it’s no surprise that practicing the first two will naturally lead to more of the third.

When we meditate or practice mindfulness, we are paying attention to the things that can often get ignored in our busy day-to-day: the present moment and our own internal experience. Those who get to know their thought processes and patterns are more able to adapt and improve them, both by simply being aware of their processes and patterns and by giving themselves a mechanism for practicing and improving.

Indeed, a program intended to enhance self-awareness (among other things) through yoga and meditation resulted in a range of improvements, including more positive affect, less stress, greater mindfulness, enhanced resilience, and even greater job satisfaction (Trent et al., 2019).

According to the most popular theory of emotional intelligence from psychologist and author Daniel Goleman (2001), self-awareness is not only crucial for emotional intelligence; it’s one of the five components.

These five components are:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Social skills

Other popular theories of emotional intelligence also include self-awareness as a core component, making it one of the factors that virtually all researchers and experts agree on (Goleman, 2001).

Self-awareness is a necessary building block of emotional intelligence; it is the building block upon which the rest of the components are built. One must have self-awareness to self-regulate, and social skills will be weak and of little use if you are not aware enough about when and how to use them.

If you’re looking to build your emotional intelligence, self-awareness is the first step. Make sure you have developed strong skills in self-awareness before giving the other elements your all.

Individuals do not want to be too similar or too dissimilar to others. They search for optimal distinctiveness (Brewer, 1991). Being too different and unaccepted can lead to stigmatization, prejudice, and isolation (Lynn & Snyder, 2002).

But being too similar can make you lose your sense of self. All humans have these competing needs to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995) yet stand out from others. People may vary in their need for uniqueness. Still, most people adjust their behaviors to set them apart when they feel too similar to others (Mengers, 2014).

In that respect, you can compare a person to an onion. Personal identities are at the core, with social identities building the different outward layers. Imagine, for example, you are traveling and asked where you are from. Answering the specific district you are from won’t relate to a person from a different continent, but telling your home country won’t differentiate you from others of the same nationality.

Other common social identities are race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or age. Given the context, people can call their social identity to action, depending on their need to belong to or differ from a group (Brewer, 1991).

Individuals can fulfill their needs simultaneously by activating social identities associated with distinct groups, resulting in greater levels of wellbeing (Mengers, 2014).

Apart from benefits for personal wellbeing and life satisfaction, societies can benefit from encouraging distinctiveness (Lynn & Snyder, 2002). Open and accepting environments allow people to assert their uniqueness, engage in their interests and pursuits and fear negative consequences less (Mengers, 2014).

To know who you are and live authentically, you must also understand what you are not. Distinctiveness is an essential tool to help differentiate you from others. Openness and approval must be encouraged to enable individuals, especially teenagers, to thrive.

If you want to be more like post-reflection Monique than pre-reflection Monique (referring to examples of self-awareness skills in action above), or if you’re going to help your clients with their relationship woes, here are some excellent tips for introducing more self-awareness within the context of a relationship:

1. Be mindful

Practice mindfulness, especially when interacting with your loved ones. Pay attention to the words they say, their tone, their body language, and their facial expressions. We often communicate far more information with the latter three than we do with our words alone. Give your loved ones your full attention.

Have regular discussions about the relationship. It’s important to keep things in perspective and ensure that nothing is falling between the cracks.

When you have regular conversations about your relationship with your loved ones, it’s much harder to avoid or ignore things that can turn into problems. It also helps you reflect on your part and come prepared to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with your loved ones.

3. Quality time

Spend quality time together and apart. This is especially important for romantic relationships, as we often find ourselves spending most or even all of our free time with our spouse or partner. However much you love and enjoy spending time with your partner, everyone needs some quality time alone.

Make sure you and your partner are both getting some quality “me” time to think about what you want, what you need, and what your goals are. This will help you keep yourself from merging too much into your partner and maintaining your independence and stability.

Then, since there will be two independent, stable, and healthy adults in the relationship, it will be even more fulfilling and satisfying to both partners when they spend quality time together.

4. Be considerate

Share your perspective and consider theirs. It’s easy to get too caught up in our own perspective on things; however, healthy relationships require that we consider others’ needs in addition to our own.

To know what our loved ones need and to deliver on those needs, we must first identify and understand them. We do this by practicing our self-awareness and sharing that awareness with our friends and family.

If you never check in with your loved ones on their views or feelings, it can cause you to drift apart and inhibit real, satisfying intimacy. Ask your loved ones for their perspective on things and share your perspective with them.

It’s easy to see how self-awareness can lead to these outcomes in the workplace, as better self-evaluation naturally leads to improving the alignment between our actions and our standards, resulting in better performance.

According to Tasha Eurich (2018), self-awareness can be divided into two categories or types: internal self-awareness and external self-awareness.

Internal self-awareness is about how well we see ourselves and our strengths, weaknesses, values, etc., while external self-awareness is understanding how others view us with those same factors (Eurich, 2018). Good managers and leaders need both to perform well in their roles.

Although you might think that more experience as a leader and greater power in one’s role lead to better self-awareness, that may not be the case. Experience can be positive or negative in terms of learning and improving the self. Even positive experiences can lead one to attribute success to themselves when it may have had more to do with the circumstances, leading to false confidence.

In fact, only 10–15% of those in Eurich’s (2018) study displayed self-awareness, although most of us believe we are self-aware.

To improve self-awareness, Eurich (2018) recommends introspection , but with a focus on asking oneself the right questions. She notes that asking “why” might not always be effective, as many of our internal processes remain shrouded in our subconscious or unconscious minds; instead, asking “what” may lead to better introspection.

For example, instead of asking, “ Why do I fail at this task so often? ” you might ask yourself, “ What are the circumstances in which I fail at this task, and what can I do to change them? ” It’s not a foolproof method, but it can aid you in improving your self-awareness and increasing your alignment with your standards on certain activities.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Self-awareness isn’t just for managers and employees; it can also substantially benefit students, children, and adolescents. The same benefits that make us more productive in the workplace can make students more productive in the classroom and at home: better communication with teachers and peers, more confidence, and more satisfaction with performance can all lead to happier, healthier students.

These benefits also apply to advanced students. Increased self-awareness leads to more self-care in medical students (Saunders et al., 2007) and a better understanding of one’s strengths and capabilities along with a boost to emotional intelligence in law students (James, 2011).

In short, a little extra self-awareness can be of great benefit to anyone with the will to improve. This piece includes a description of self-awareness, an exploration of the theory of self-awareness, examples, and tips and tools you can use to boost your self-awareness. We hope you find this information helpful in increasing your self-awareness or that of your clients.

What exercises do you use to help build self-awareness ? What are some other benefits you’ve noticed? Let us know in the comments section below.

If you liked this post, head on over to our post about self-awareness books to further help you increase reflection.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

• Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.  Psychological Bulletin, 117(3) , 497–529.
• Brewer, M. B. (1991). The social self: On being the same and different at the same time.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 17(5) , 475-482.
• Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs. (2017). 2009 Standards. Retrieved from https://www.cacrep.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/2009-Standards.pdf
• Dana, E. R., Lalwani, N., & Duval, S. (1997). Objective self-awareness and focus of attention following awareness of self-standard discrepancies: Changing self or changing standards of correctness. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology , 16 , 359–380.
• Duval, S., & Wicklund, R. A. (1972). A theory of objective self-awareness . Academic Press.
• Eurich, T. (2018, January 4). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it). Harvard Business Review . Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
• Goleman, D. (2001). Emotional intelligence: Issues in paradigm building. In C. Cherniss & D. Goleman (Eds.) The emotionally intelligent workplace. Jossey-Bass.
• James, C. (2011). Law student wellbeing: Benefits of promoting psychological literacy and self-awareness using mindfulness, strengths theory, and emotional intelligence. Legal Education Review , 21 (2).
• Lynn, M., & Snyder, C. R. (2002). Uniqueness seeking.  Handbook of Positive Psychology , 395-410.
• Mengers, A. A. (2014). The benefits of being yourself: An examination of authenticity, uniqueness, and well-being .
• Ridley, D. S., Schutz, P. A., Glanz, R. S., & Weinstein, C. E. (1992). Self-regulated learning: The interactive influence of metacognitive awareness and goal-setting. The Journal of Experimental Education , 60 , 293–306.
• Saunders, P. A., Tractenberg, R. E., Chaterji, R., Amri, H., Harazduk, N., Gordon, J. S., … Haramati, A. (2007). Promoting self-awareness and reflection through an experiential mind–body skills course for first-year medical students. Medical Teacher , 29 , 778–784.
• Silvia, P. J., & Duval, T. S. (2001). Objective Self-Awareness Theory: Recent progress and enduring problems. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 5 , 230–241.
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Why is Self-Awareness Important: A Roadmap to 12 Benefits

Self-awareness involves a deep understanding of one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and drives. People who are self-aware can objectively evaluate themselves, manage their emotions, align their actions with their values, and understand how they affect others. Moreover, self-aware individuals are often more confident and creative, making them more capable of handling leadership roles and fostering positive relationships both personally and professionally.

Sanju Pradeepa

Hey you! Yeah I’m talking to you. Ever wonder why you act the way you do or make certain choices? Well it all comes down to self-awareness – how well you know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, your motivations. Self-awareness is so important for success, happiness, relationships, personal growth – pretty much everything in life!

In this article, we’ll explore why you should care about self-awareness and the many benefits it provides. We’ll look at simple ways to increase your self-awareness and understand yourself on a deeper level. Self-knowledge is power, so keep reading to learn why self-awareness matters and how you can become more in tune with yourself.

Table of Contents

What is self-awareness .

Self-awareness is simply understanding yourself – your strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals. Why is it so important? For starters, it helps you make better choices. When you know yourself well, you can determine what really motivates or upsets you. You’ll have an easier time setting boundaries and spotting the influences that shape your attitudes and behaviors .

Self-awareness gives you insight into your thoughts and behaviors. You can observe how you respond to challenges, analyze your automatic reactions, and work to shift negative patterns. The more you understand what drives you, the less likely you’ll be to act in ways you regret.

When you know yourself, you can share your authentic self with others. Your friends and loved ones will appreciate your honesty and openness. You also have an easier time understanding other people and are better equipped to resolve conflicts in a compassionate way. Strong, healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding, and that starts with understanding yourself.

No one is perfect, but self-awareness gives you the power to keep improving. As you uncover more about yourself, you can refine your strengths, work to overcome your weaknesses, and pursue new opportunities for growth. Self-improvement is a journey, not a destination, but self-awareness makes the journey possible.

In summary, self-awareness is the foundation for living consciously and intentionally. It empowers you to steer your own course through life, make the most of each moment, and become your best self. Isn’t that worth the effort required to know yourself? Absolutely.

4 Types of Self-Awareness To Develop Emotional Intelligence

Why is self-awareness important.

The importance of self-awareness lies in its ability to enable individuals to understand their own actions, reactions, and emotions, thereby facilitating a deeper understanding of oneself. It is the first step towards self-improvement and self-acceptance , as it allows for the recognition of personal strengths and weaknesses.

With self-awareness, people can make more informed decisions, improve their relationships, and navigate life with greater confidence and clarity. It also plays a crucial role in leadership, as self-aware leaders are known to be more effective, empathetic, and capable of building strong teams. Ultimately, self-awareness can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

1. Self-Awareness Allows You to Know Your Strengths

Knowing yourself inside and out is so important. When you understand your strengths, you can lean into them and achieve great things. Think about your natural talents, skills, and abilities. What comes easily to you? What energizes you?

For example, if you’re a natural communicator, pursue opportunities that allow you to connect with others. If you’re good with numbers, look for jobs or hobbies involving finance or analytics. Play to your strengths, and you’ll be far more engaged and effective.

Discover Your Core Values: Your values are fundamental to who you are. Take time to identify what’s most important to you, like family, achievement, adventure, or creativity. Then use those values to guide your decisions and set meaningful goals. When your actions align with your values, you’ll feel more fulfilled.

Understand Your Personality: Are you an introvert or extrovert? Optimistic or practical? Self-disciplined or spontaneous? Knowing your personality type helps you better understand your tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses. You can then find careers, relationships, and hobbies that are well suited to your nature.

Recognize Your Emotional Patterns: Pay attention to how you typically react in stressful situations or when you’re excited or frustrated. Do you get angry quickly? Become anxious and worried? Or stay calm and logical? Recognizing your emotional patterns leads to better self-management and healthier relationships. You can develop strategies to avoid triggers and react in more constructive ways.

In the end, self-awareness is about gaining insight into yourself and using that understanding to live authentically. Make the effort to know yourself deeply. It will empower you to build a life aligned with who you truly are.

2. Self-Awareness Helps You Understand Your Weaknesses

When you develop self-awareness, you gain insight into your weaknesses and shortcomings. This allows you to identify areas where you need to improve to become a better person. Recognizing your weaknesses isn’t about beating yourself up, but rather understanding your blind spots so you can strengthen them.

You Can Address Your Weak Points: Once you pinpoint specific weaknesses, such as impatience, poor time management, or difficulty delegating, you can take steps to address them. You may need to develop new habits and skills to overcome your weak points. For example, if you struggle with impatience, you could practice active listening, take deep breaths to stay calm in stressful situations, and learn to see things from other perspectives. Self-awareness allows you to turn your weaknesses into opportunities for growth.

You Make Better Decisions: When you understand your weaknesses, you can account for them in your decision-making. You may realize that a particular role or responsibility plays to your weaknesses, allowing you to avoid taking it on or requesting additional support. You can also get input from others who balance out your weaknesses before finalizing important choices. Self-aware leaders are able to make decisions that minimize risks and maximize the chances of success.

You Can Ask For Help: No one is perfect, and we all have weaknesses we need help strengthening. Self-aware individuals recognize when they need assistance and are able to ask for help in a constructive way. Whether you need an accountability partner, coaching, or mentoring, acknowledging your weaknesses is the first step to getting the support you need to improve. Asking for help when you need it is a sign of wisdom and maturity.

In summary, developing self-awareness of your weaknesses leads to personal growth, better decision-making, and the ability to ask for help when you need it. Rather than being a source of embarrassment, your weaknesses can become your strengths when you gain insight into yourself and take action to address them.

20 Importance of Knowing Yourself: A Guide to Self-Discovery

3. it enables you to manage your emotions more effectively.

When you have a strong sense of self-awareness, you gain insights into what triggers your emotions and how those emotions influence your thoughts and actions. This self-knowledge helps you better manage emotional reactions in the moment.

You can catch yourself when emotions start to spiral out of control and take a step back to evaluate the situation objectively before responding. Maybe a rude customer triggers feelings of anger and frustration. Instead of snapping at them, take a few deep breaths to avoid escalating the conflict. Respond in a courteous, professional manner.

Self-awareness also allows you to address the root causes of emotional reactions, so you can avoid or better handle triggers in the future. If interactions with a micromanaging boss frequently leave you feeling stressed and inadequate, reflect on the reasons why their behavior bothers you so much. Their actions say more about them than you. Don’t give them power over your self-worth .

With practice, you can strengthen your emotional intelligence through self-reflection and by learning new coping strategies. If you have trouble managing anger, try physically removing yourself from the situation until you calm down. Call a friend to gain a more balanced perspective. Challenge any irrational thoughts fueling your anger. Make a plan for addressing what’s really bothering you once you’re feeling calm and rational.

Emotions color all of our thoughts and experiences. But they don’t have to control us or sabotage our happiness and success. Self-awareness gives us the insight and tools we need to influence our emotional well-being. We can choose to respond to life’s challenges in a constructive way instead of always reacting impulsively. And that, my friend, is incredibly empowering.

Emotional Self-Awareness: 9 Tips to Become Emotionally Aware

4. self-awareness enhances your self-confidence.

When you understand yourself better, you gain confidence from that knowledge. Self-awareness allows you to accept yourself, flaws and all, which builds your self-belief.

You Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses: The more insight you have into your abilities and shortcomings, the better equipped you are to play to your strengths. If you know you excel in creative work but struggle with logic and analysis, pursue opportunities that leverage your creativity. Accept the areas you need to improve in, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Knowing yourself in this way allows you to focus your efforts where they matter most.

You can set challenging but achievable goals . With self-awareness comes an understanding of what motivates and fulfills you. You can set goals that align with your values and priorities. You also have a realistic sense of what you can accomplish, so you can push yourself outside your comfort zone without the risk of becoming overwhelmed. Success builds on success, so achieving your goals, no matter their size, fuels your self-belief.

You Accept Yourself : When you understand why you think and act the way you do, self-acceptance follows. You can show yourself compassion instead of harsh self-judgment. You come to realize that while you have room for improvement, you are enough as you are. This self-kindness is the foundation of self-confidence.

You Learn From Your Mistakes: The self-aware person can admit when they are wrong without damaging their self-esteem. You see errors and failures as opportunities to learn and grow. Each lesson you learn about yourself strengthens your self-knowledge and ability to make better choices next time. This willingness to learn from your mistakes, rather than hide from them, builds resilience and self-belief .

In all these ways, self-awareness and self-confidence go hand in hand. Make the effort to look within, understand why you do what you do, and accept yourself with compassion. This relationship with yourself will make you open to life’s challenges in a way that cultivates confidence from the inside out. Gain wisdom, pursue meaningful goals, learn and grow-your self-belief will flourish.

5. Self-Awareness Builds Emotional Intelligence

Self-awareness allows you to understand your own emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. When you are self-aware, you can manage your emotional reactions and behaviors more effectively. This builds your emotional intelligence, which is crucial for success and well-being.

You Gain Insight into Your Emotional Triggers: We all have emotional triggers-situations, events, or interactions that provoke an emotional reaction, whether positive or negative. When you are self-aware, you can identify what triggers certain emotions in you. You can then anticipate your reactions better and manage them in a healthy way.

You Can Regulate Your Emotions: With self-awareness comes the ability to regulate your emotions. You are able to evaluate emotional reactions and determine whether they are helpful or unhelpful in a given situation. You can make a conscious effort to amplify or dampen certain emotions when needed to achieve your goals or to connect with others. Emotional regulation leads to greater resilience and stability.

Your Relationships Improve: When you understand your own emotions, you can also understand the emotions of others better. This makes you more empathetic and effective in your interactions and relationships. You are able to communicate in a way that addresses others’ emotional needs and defuses tension or conflict. Your increased empathy and ability to navigate emotional situations lead to healthier, more satisfying relationships.

In summary, self-awareness is the foundation for emotional intelligence and psychological well-being. By developing insight into your emotional triggers and reactions, you gain the ability to regulate your emotions in a healthy way. You can achieve greater balance and stability in your life, as well as more meaningful connections with others. Self-awareness is a skill that takes continuous effort to develop but has rewards that make it well worth the investment.

What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Mature and Its Impact

6. self-awareness helps you connect better with others.

When you understand yourself-your strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations-you can build better relationships. Self-awareness allows you to understand how you’re perceived by others and why you react in certain ways.

You Communicate More Effectively: Knowing your communication style, you can adapt to different situations. If you’re normally direct, you may soften your approach with someone who prefers indirect communication. You also understand how your words might affect others, helping you get your message across more constructively.

You Empathize Deeper: By reflecting on your own experiences, behaviors, and triggers, you gain insight into the human condition. This allows you to be more compassionate and sensitive towards others. You can put yourself in their shoes and understand their perspectives, even if you don’t share them.

You Value Others: When you accept yourself , flaws and all, you can accept others for who they are. You appreciate people for their innate worth, not just for what they can do for you. This makes others feel valued, boosting trust and intimacy in your relationships.

You Manage Conflict Better: Self-awareness helps you stay calm and focused during conflict because you understand the underlying issues. You can address problems objectively without accusation or attack. You also recognize how your behavior might contribute to the situation, allowing you to make necessary changes. This approach fosters open communication and resolution.

Developing self-awareness is a journey, not a destination. But making the effort to understand yourself and connect authentically with others is worth it. Strong, healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and that starts with knowing yourself. Overall, self-awareness allows you to be fully present in your interactions and find meaning, even in simple everyday moments. And that is what life is all about.

7. It Allows you to Align Your Values With Your Actions

Self-awareness helps you gain clarity on what really matters to you-your core values and priorities in life. But knowing your values isn’t enough. You have to actually live them, through your choices and behaviors each day.

Self-awareness gives you the insight to see whether you’re walking the walk in addition to talking the talk. Are you spending your time and energy on the things that you claim are most important? For example, if family is a top value, are you making time to connect with loved ones each week or are you frequently working late? If health is a priority, are your daily habits reflective of that or do you struggle to exercise and eat right?

Without self-awareness, it’s easy to drift through life on autopilot and lose track of whether you’re aligning with your values. Take time for regular self-reflection to check in on how well your values and actions match up. You may find some areas that need adjustment. Don’t be too hard on yourself , as no one is perfect. But do make a plan for how to better embody your principles in the choices you make each and every day.

Living according to your values has significant benefits. It leads to less internal conflict and a clear conscience. It helps build self-respect and the respect of others. It sets an example for people around you and contributes to the greater good. Most importantly, staying true to your values is the path to a meaningful and purposeful life.

So get to know yourself, decide what really matters, and make sure your feet are walking that path. Self-awareness is the compass that can guide you there.

Signs You Respect Yourself: 10 Ways to Tell If You Value It

8. self-awareness improves your decision making.

When you understand yourself better, you make better choices. Being self-aware enhances your decision making in several key ways:

You know your strengths and weaknesses. When facing a decision, you can evaluate options through the lens of your abilities and shortcomings. You’ll gravitate toward choices that play to your strengths and avoid weaknesses.

You recognize your motivations . Self-aware people understand what drives them—whether it’s a desire for power, status, money, or making a difference. This insight helps guide you to opportunities that align with your key motivations.

You anticipate your reactions. If you know how you typically respond in various situations, you can predict your reactions to different options. You may choose a path that leads to an emotional state you prefer, or avoid one that would frustrate or upset you.

You accept your biases. Everyone has biases that cloud their judgment. But self-aware individuals recognize their own prejudices and tendencies towards certain types of errors or faulty logic. You can then make a deliberate effort to consider evidence that contradicts your preconceptions.

You learn from your mistakes. When you review your past decisions, self-awareness allows you to understand where you went wrong and gain valuable wisdom. You can pinpoint the thought processes, assumptions or emotional drives that led you astray, then make corrections for the future.

In the end, self-awareness gives you the insight to make choices that lead to outcomes you want and avoid those you will regret. By tuning in to your inner world, you’re able to navigate life’s twists and turns with more wisdom and grace. Every mistake and triumph becomes an opportunity to expand your understanding of yourself-and make better decisions as a result.

9. Self-Awareness Enables Continual Growth and Development

A key benefit of developing self-awareness is that it allows for constant improvement and progress. When you have an accurate assessment of your strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals, you can make better choices that align with your priorities and work on areas that need improvement.

Self-awareness means regularly reflecting on your thoughts, behaviors, and habits so you gain insight into how you can enhance your effectiveness and well-being. By understanding your tendencies, preferences and triggers, you can anticipate situations that may cause difficulties and prepare strategies to navigate them successfully. You can also leverage your strengths and pursue opportunities that play to them.

Developing self-awareness requires ongoing effort and practice. It involves stepping back to examine yourself objectively, accepting both positive and negative aspects of yourself without judgment. You must be willing to identify blind spots, recognize room for growth and make a habit of soliciting feedback. However, self-awareness is a journey, not a destination. As you gain life experiences, your sense of self will evolve. New challenges will emerge and demand continual learning and adaptation.

Self-awareness provides an opportunity for progress, but only if you act on the insights you gain. Once you identify areas you want to improve, take concrete steps to expand your knowledge and skills through reading, taking a course, working with a coach or mentor, or any other means that helps you achieve your goals. Develop strategies and take action to adopt positive behaviors and thought patterns while reducing negative ones. Review your progress regularly and make adjustments as needed.

Growth and progress feel rewarding, so improving your self-awareness and acting on it will increase your motivation and well-being over time. While self-awareness may reveal uncomfortable truths, it is the only way to reach your full potential. Make developing self-knowledge and using it constructively a lifelong practice. Your future self will thank you.

Personal Growth and Personal Development

10. it helps you become a better leader.

Being self-aware and having a good understanding of yourself helps you become a better leader in several ways:

• You develop emotional intelligence. You gain insight into your strengths, weaknesses, values, and triggers. This allows you to regulate your emotions and reactions healthily, improving your interpersonal skills and ability to motivate others.
• You build trust with your team. When you’re transparent about who you are and what drives you, it builds authenticity and trust with your employees. They see you as a “real” leader who is confident and secure.
• You make better decisions. Self-awareness gives you perspective on your biases, bind spots, and automatic thought patterns. This clarity helps you make decisions based more on facts and logic rather on emotion or ego.
• You adapt your leadership style. You can identify what leadership approaches work best for you and your team based on your personality, skills, and work environment. You can then tailor your style accordingly.
• You spot areas for growth. Self-reflection reveals areas where you could improve—be it communication, delegation, time management, etc. You can then work to develop those skills to become a stronger leader. In summary, being self-aware is a prerequisite for effective leadership. The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you are to lead and inspire others.

Can Leaders Grow Without Self-Awareness: Can Or Cannot?

11. self-awareness helps you manage stress.

When you have a good understanding of yourself and your tendencies, it becomes easier. to manage stress and stressful situations in a healthy way. Self-aware people:

• Know their stress triggers—what exactly causes them to feel overwhelmed, anxious or upset . This allows them to either avoid these triggers or prepare themselves mentally for them. Are able to recognize the early warning signs of stress in their own bodies and minds. They can then take action sooner to reduce their stress levels.
• Understand which coping strategies work best for them. Different people destress in different ways – some prefer exercise, others talking to friends, meditation, etc. Self-aware individuals know which activities renew and calm them.
• Can catch negative thought patterns that exacerbate stress. They can reframe these thoughts in a more positive and objective light.
• Tend to practice good stress-reducing habits regularly like getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising. These healthy routines stem from an awareness of their importance. In short, self-knowledge gives you the tools to effectively manage stress and adversity. The more in tune you are with yourself – your triggers, tendencies, needs and coping strategies – the better equipped you’ll be to handle life’s pressures without letting them overwhelm you.

12. Self-Awareness Leads to More Fulfillment and Happiness

• When you fully understand your needs, desires, strengths and weaknesses, you’re better equipped to live a fulfilling life. Self-aware people:
• Know what truly makes them happy and can pursue those things. They understand their values, passions and interests , allowing them to make choices that bring them joy.
• Are better at setting and achieving goals that match their aspirations. They can identify and avoid goals that don’t align with who they truly are.
• Tend to have healthier relationships. They understand their own relationship needs, communication style, and triggers for conflict. This helps them build stronger connections with others.
• Experience less regret. They make choices aligned with their authentic selves, minimizing “what ifs” and “if onlys”.
• Feel more in control of their lives. With a solid grasp of who they are and what they want, self-aware individuals experience less confusion, doubt , and dependence on others’ opinions. In summary, self-knowledge gives you a foundation for living a life that truly satisfies you. When your choices, priorities, and relationships stem from an awareness of your authentic self, you set the stage for greater meaning, contentment, and joy.

The Importance of Self-Awareness at Work

Self-awareness is crucial for professional success and fulfillment. Some ways self-aware individuals excel at work:

• They understand their strengths, weaknesses, preferred work styles and communication needs. This self-knowledge helps them choose the right roles and responsibilities that play to their strengths.
• They manage interpersonal relationships more effectively. They are aware of how their behavior impacts others and how to work well in a team.
• They recognize and address potential blind spots. Self-awareness allows them to catch issues like biases , defensiveness, and overconfidence that could hold them back.
• They adapt more easily to change. With a clear understanding of themselves, self- aware individuals can adjust to new situations and demands at work.
• They communicate more effectively. They understand their communication preferences and how to match their style to different audiences.
• They solicit and utilize feedback more productively. Self-aware people are open to critique from others to improve their performance.
• They achieve goals more readily. With a clear vision of their strengths, weaknesses and preferences, self-aware individuals can set meaningful work goals and achieve them. In summary, self-awareness gives professionals key insights into how they operate and interact at work. This inner knowledge allows them to maximize their contributions, build strong relationships and thrive in an evolving work environment.

Improving Your Relationships Through Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness also improves the quality of our relationships with others. Here are some ways:

• You understand your emotional triggers and reactivity patterns. This allows you to catch yourself before overreacting to a partner or friend.
• You recognize your communication preferences and needs. This makes it easier to express yourself clearly and have your needs met in relationships.
• You know how you tend to give and receive love. This self-knowledge helps you match your style to the preferences of your partner or loved ones.
• You realize your blind spots and weaknesses. This awareness helps you avoid behaviors that strain relationships, like defensiveness, jealousy and control issues.
• You grasp your values and priorities. This clarity guides you in choosing partners and friends who are a good match for who you truly are.
• You detect when a relationship needs work. Self-aware individuals pick up on subtle issues and address problems sooner rather than later.
• You empathize more easily with others. With a clear sense of self, you can step outside your own perspective and see the world from another’s viewpoint. In summary, self-awareness provides key insights that strengthen your closest bonds. You understand how to give and receive love in healthier, more fulfilling ways. You develop relationships built on self-knowledge, open communication and mutual respect.

Final Thought

A part of being truly self-aware is recognizing the importance of self-awareness itself. By gaining insights into our inner strengths, weaknesses, values, and preferences, we improve our work performance, relationships, and overall wellbeing. Self-awareness helps us live in greater alignment with who we truly are as individuals. As you continue cultivating self-awareness through reflection, feedback, and self-discovery, remember to be kind yet courageous with yourself. Change happens incrementally over time, so celebrate every new insight and the progress you’ve already made on this lifelong journey of self-discovery.

• What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) It’s not just about introspection. by  Tasha Eurich January 04, 2018
• Self-awareness From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy Essay

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Introduction

Know yourself, homer’s odyssey, sophocles’ oedipus rex, gospel of mark, works cited.

In about 500 BCE, the Chinese military general Sunzi wrote the following in The Art of War: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.

If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” This statement may be applied not only to the war, but also to any type of a contest. Moreover, it is possible to give supportive arguments and examples in favor of this statement from fiction and even the Bible as the phrase is correct and no one even tries to contradict it.

One of the main priorities of this statement which proves that it is correct is that if a person knows his/her personal abilities, he/she is able to range whether he/she is able to cope with the particular difficulties or not. People should be aware of what they can do as this is guarantee of their success. When people know how to react to a particular situation, when they know for sure whether they are able to cope with a specific task or not they already know whether their attempt will be in vain or not.

Dealing with people and trying to combat them, it is important to be aware of their abilities as the outcome of the battle also depends on whether one knows the strengths and weaknesses of an opponent. In case of wrong correlation between the powers of n opponent, one risks either suffer looses or be defeated at all. Each person should be aware of personal skills and the skills of an opponent.

As it has already been said, there are a lot of examples when the aware of personal abilities and the ones of an opponent brought a victory to a person. Therefore, referencing to such pieces of world literature as Homer’s Odyssey , Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex and Gospel of Mark it is possible to use the examples from these literature works and prove the statement of Chinese military general Sunzi. This statement was said centuries ago, but it still remains up to date now.

Reading this epic poem, it is possible to come across a lot of specific examples when being aware of personal abilities and danger a rival can cause, Odyssey managed to become a winner in the battle. For example, the very idea of the epic poem presupposes that Odyssey does not know the whole power of his enemy as he is unable to return home for 20 years. Having Poseidon as an enemy, Odyssey is constantly driven back by different storms.

Being under the supervision of other Gods, Odyssey manages to cope with most of the problems, however, the battle with Poseidon is not what Odyssey can cope with as he is unaware of the enemy and does not know that Poseidon hates him. This is the best example which proves Sunzi’s statement that “If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat”, still Sunzi does not say that such situation may also lead to defeat.

However, there is another example in this poem which shows that the awareness of personal power and awareness of the enemy may lead to victory. The situation with Cyclops is an illustrative one. Being captured by this giant, Odyssey does not know what he has to do in order to escape. Having evaluated the situation and measured personal power, it is obvious that Odyssey may run away only if he defeats an enemy.

Being aware of Cyclops’ weakness, Odyssey y blinds Cyclops with a wooden stake and escapes. This is one of the best examples which illustrate the correctness of Sunzi’s statement. Being aware of personal power his ability to blind Cyclops Odyssey is also sure that this is going to defeat his enemy.

The assuredness of the main character may be considered in the phrase, “Cyclops, if any one of mortal men shall ask thee of the unsightly blinding of thine eye, say that it was Odysseus, that blinded it, the waster of cities, son of Laertes, whose dwelling is in Ithaca” (Homer 81).

Oedipus is the best representation of Sunzi’s writing that “If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” The story presented in this tragedy is devoted to Oedipus, a man who had to kill his father and marry his mother according to a prediction. Trying to omit such a destiny, Oedipus’s parents do all possible to make this prediction come true.

However, having an intention to kill their son something goes wrong and Oedipus remains alive. His father does not know the level of danger and it leads to his death. The unaware of the enemy and his possibilities leads to such result. Speaking about the unaware of personal abilities, the character of Oedipus should be considered. He knows nothing about the prediction as well as he knows nothing about his role in the situation. When he gets to know about it, all the crimes are committed,

Aa-ahh! Now everything’s coming clear!

O light – the last I’ve ever see, I stand

Exposed, all wrong in parents, those with whom

I lived and him I murdered, wrong, all wrong (Sophocles and Mulroy 74)!

Judging this situation from the point of view of the mentioned statement, it is possible to conclude that neither the victim nor a killer knew about their power over each other. Oedipus was unaware of the fact it was his destiny to kill his father, therefore, he knew nothing about himself.

At the same time Oedipus’s father was also unaware of danger from his son and as it appears from the tragedy from his enemy. Even thought Laius learns “of an oracle that he would die at his son’s hands, [he] ordered the baby Oedipus to be exposed on a mountain and drove a spike through his ankles” (Sophocles and Mulroy), destiny is more powerful.

Gospel of Mark is one more source which may be used to support the phrase. The whole writing is devoted to life and death of Christ, his gospel and teaching. There is no need to tell about the day when Christ was crucified and when he was betrayed by this fried, as he believed. This is exactly an example when a person in defeated because he/she does not know who is an enemy and how he/she can affect a person.

It is essential to refer this moment to the phrase as in case Christ was aware of the situation beforehand, this moment could be avoided. Moreover, this situation may be considered from the point of view of Judas who being Christ’s friend betrayed him. It may be considered as the inability to know oneself. Judas was Christ’s friend, however at the moment of danger he understood that he could betray. I believe he could not even expect such an action from himself, still he did.

This is an example of unaware of his own power. This means that Judas did not know himself and as a result he betrayed his friend. Looking at the situation from another angle, it is possible to see that just before the crucifix Christ knew that Judas would betray him, however he remained calm. He new that he would resurrect, therefore, he also knew that Judas’ betrayal would not affect him this is an example how being aware of personal and enemy’s power one remains a winner.

In conclusion it may be stated that to become a winner one should be aware of personal powers as well as about the powers of others. It is essential to be aware of strengths and weaknesses of an enemy as in this case one can consider whether his personal powers can bet an enemy or not.

Such position is a winning one as those who know for sure what they can do and what an enemy can do are able to forecast the future. Strategic planning is a guarantee of success in any affair as trying to predict an outcome one involves all possible measures. Therefore, Sunzi’s statement is a correct one and the examples from the literature support this point of view.

Edwards, James R. The Gospel According to Mark . New York: Inter-Varsity Press, 2002. Print.

Homer, Butcher, Samuel and Andrew Lang. The Odyssey . Stilwell: Digireads.com Publishing, 2005. Print.

Sophocles and David D. Mulroy. Oedipus Rex . London: Univ of Wisconsin Press, 2011. Print.

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IvyPanda. (2018, November 30). Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy. https://ivypanda.com/essays/know-yourself/

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IvyPanda . (2018) 'Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy'. 30 November.

IvyPanda . 2018. "Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy." November 30, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/know-yourself/.

1. IvyPanda . "Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy." November 30, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/know-yourself/.

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IvyPanda . "Importance of Knowing Yourself and Your Enemy." November 30, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/know-yourself/.

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Why Identity Matters and How It Shapes Us

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

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Defining Identity

• What Makes Up a Person's Identity?

Identity Development Across the Lifespan

The importance of identity, tips for reflecting on your identity.

Your identity is a set of physical, mental, emotional, social, and interpersonal characteristics that are unique to you.

It encapsulates your core personal values and your beliefs about the world, says Asfia Qaadir , DO, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at PrairieCare.

In this article, we explore the concept of identity, its importance, factors that contribute to its development , and some strategies that can help you reflect upon your identity.

Your identity gives you your sense of self. It is a set of traits that distinguishes you from other people, because while you might have some things in common with others, no one else has the exact same combination of traits as you.

Your identity also gives you a sense of continuity, i.e. the feeling that you are the same person you were two years ago and you will be the same person two days from now.

Asfia Qaadir, DO, Psychiatrist

Your identity plays an important role in how you treat others and how you carry yourself in the world.

What Makes Up a Person's Identity?

These are some of the factors that can contribute to your identity:

• Physical appearance
• Physical sensations
• Emotional traits
• Life experiences
• Genetics 
• Health conditions
• Nationality
• Race  
• Social community 
• Peer group 
• Political environment
• Spirituality
• Sexuality 
• Personality
• Beliefs 
• Finances 

We all have layers and dimensions that contribute to who we are and how we express our identity.

All of these factors interact together and influence you in unique and complex ways, shaping who you are. Identity formation is a subjective and deeply personal experience.

Identity development is a lifelong process that begins in childhood, starts to solidify in adolescence, and continues through adulthood.

Childhood is when we first start to develop a self-concept and form an identity.

As children, we are highly dependent on our families for our physical and emotional needs. Our early interactions with family members play a critical role in the formation of our identities.

During this stage, we learn about our families and communities, and what values are important to them, says Dr. Qaadir. 

The information and values we absorb in childhood are like little seeds that are planted years before we can really intentionally reflect upon them as adults, says Dr. Qaadir.

Traumatic or abusive experiences during childhood can disrupt identity formation and have lasting effects on the psyche.

Adolescence

Adolescence is a critical period of identity formation.

As teenagers, we start to intentionally develop a sense of self based on how the values we’re learning show up in our relationships with ourselves, our friends, family members, and in different scenarios that challenge us, Dr. Qaadir explains.

Adolescence is a time of discovering ourselves, learning to express ourselves, figuring out where we fit in socially (and where we don’t), developing relationships, and pursuing interests, says Dr. Qaadir.

This is the period where we start to become independent and form life goals. It can also be a period of storm and stress , as we experience mood disruptions, challenge authority figures, and take risks as we try to work out who we are.

As adults, we begin building our public or professional identities and deepen our personal relationships, says Dr. Qaadir.

These stages are not set in stone, rather they are fluid, and we get the rest of our lives to continue experiencing life and evolving our identities, says Dr. Qaadir.

Having a strong sense of identity is important because it:

• Creates self-awareness: A strong sense of identity can give you a deep sense of awareness of who you are as a person. It can help you understand your likes, dislikes, actions, motivations, and relationships.
• Provides direction and motivation: Having a strong sense of identity can give you a clear understanding of your values and interests, which can help provide clarity, direction, and motivation when it comes to setting goals and working toward them.
• Enables healthy relationships: When you know and accept yourself, you can form meaningful connections with people who appreciate and respect you for who you are. A strong sense of identity also helps you communicate effectively, establish healthy boundaries, and engage in authentic and fulfilling interactions.
• Keeps you grounded: Our identities give us roots when things around us feel chaotic or uncertain, says Dr. Qaadir. “Our roots keep us grounded and help us remember what truly matters at the end of the day.”
• Improves decision-making: Understanding yourself well can help you make choices that are consistent with your values, beliefs, and long-term goals. This clarity reduces confusion, indecision, and the tendency to conform to others' expectations, which may lead to poor decision-making .
• Fosters community participation: Identity is often shaped by cultural, social, political, spiritual, and historical contexts. Having a strong sense of identity allows you to understand, appreciate, and take pride in your cultural heritage. This can empower you to participate actively in society, express your unique perspective, and contribute to positive societal change.

On the other hand, a weak sense of identity can make it more difficult to ground yourself emotionally in times of stress and more confusing when you’re trying to navigate major life decisions, says Dr. Qaadir.

Dr. Qaadir suggests some strategies that can help you reflect on your identity:

• Art: Art is an incredible medium that can help you process and reflect on your identity. It can help you express yourself in creative and unique ways.
• Reading: Reading peoples’ stories through narrative is an excellent way to broaden your horizons, determine how you feel about the world around you, and reflect on your place in it.
• Journaling: Journaling can also be very useful for self-reflection . It can help you understand your feelings and motivations better.
• Conversation: Conversations with people can expose you to diverse perspectives, and help you form and represent your own.
• Nature: Being in nature can give you a chance to reflect undisturbed. Spending time in nature often has a way of putting things in perspective.
• Relationships: You can especially strengthen your sense of identity through the relationships around you. It is valuable to surround yourself with people who reflect your core values but may be different from you in other aspects of identity such as personality styles, cultural backgrounds, passions, professions, or spiritual paths because that provides perspective and learning from others.

American Psychological Association. Identity .

Pfeifer JH, Berkman ET. The development of self and identity in adolescence: neural evidence and implications for a value-based choice perspective on motivated behavior . Child Dev Perspect . 2018;12(3):158-164. doi:10.1111/cdep.12279

Hasanah U, Susanti H, Panjaitan RU. Family experience in facilitating adolescents during self-identity development . BMC Nurs . 2019;18(Suppl 1):35. doi:10.1186/s12912-019-0358-7

Dereboy Ç, Şahin Demirkapı E, et al. The relationship between childhood traumas, identity development, difficulties in emotion regulation and psychopathology . Turk Psikiyatri Derg . 2018;29(4):269-278.

Branje S, de Moor EL, Spitzer J, Becht AI. Dynamics of identity development in adolescence: a decade in review . J Res Adolesc . 2021;31(4):908-927. doi:10.1111/jora.12678

Stirrups R.  The storm and stress in the adolescent brain .  The Lancet Neurology . 2018;17(5):404. doi:10.1016/S1474-4422(18)30112-1

Fitzgerald A. Professional identity: A concept analysis . Nurs Forum . 2020;55(3):447-472. doi:10.1111/nuf.12450

National Institute of Standards and Technology. Identity .

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

The Importance of Being Yourself

From early in life, we might think we need to pretend to be a certain way in order to be accepted, a lack of authenticity can make it hard to create fulfilling, intimate relationships, therapist emma azzopardi offers four ways to be yourself.

‘Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.’ ~ Oscar Wilde

In a world where we are told that we can be anything we want to be, we cannot be anyone that we want to be. You can be a writer, an artist or an astronaut but you have no choice but to be yourself. Maybe I should say that this is the only wise choice. You cannot pretend to be someone or something that you are not, plenty of people try but they ultimately fail. If you do succeed, you certainly won’t be happy

I have come across a fair few people making their way through life by pretending. Maybe it is easier to convince ourselves that we feel good about something or someone rather than admit that we do not. Contentment doesn’t require action so by convincing ourselves that we are happy even when we are not, we may be able to avoid making those difficult decisions. We don’t have to tell our partner that we aren’t in love with them anymore or that we aren’t happy in our relationship. We don’t have to swallow our pride and ask for help when we need it because, hey, everything is just fine! We can simply smile and keep pretending. Pretending everything is fine means not having to contend with all the fears and the potential of disapproval from loved ones if we leave it behind. Pretending is costly because we may be giving away our peace of mind and happiness. 

Why is it difficult to be ourselves?

From the time we were young, we may have been taught that we are not enough as we are . People would not accept us the way we are. They wanted us to think, look and behave in different ways. It is fundamental human desire for connection and social relationships because we are, at our core, relational beings. Many of us chose to compromise, afraid that we would otherwise be left alone, isolated and helpless.

So we had to find ways to convince those around us that we are worth their friendship and act in certain ways to please others. In other words, we had to pretend. We may have learnt to cover ourselves well with the veil of pretence. As adults, we may have a dozen masks to hand. Behind every mask lies a deep-rooted fear: the fear to express yourself and reveal to others who you truly are. When we blend in and try to be what we think others want, our life doesn’t feel very satisfactory because, well, it’s not our life. It’s based on a fake version of us.

Do we really have to ask ourselves whether we’re happy? The truth is, something inside of us already knows the answer if we have to ask the question in the first place. When we’re genuinely happy, we know. When we are not, we know that, too. Exposing our true selves, fully embracing our deepest desires, and facing our fears requires a tremendous amount of courage. Many of us have been trying to please others for such a long time, that we may have forgotten who we are and what is truly important to us. We have forgotten how to express ourselves, to be spontaneous and to recognise what we truly enjoy doing.

The importance of authenticity in relationships

In thinking about your own life: Are your relationships genuine? Do you feel confident? Do you feel secure? Are you relaxed? For a significant amount of people, the answer to all these questions is ‘no.” We may pretend because deep down we feel empty and lonely. We pretend because we don’t feel enough as we are. If even you don’t appreciate yourself, how can you expect others to appreciate you? When we pretend, our relationships become shallow and empty. There cannot be any sincere communication in relationships built around pretending. The pretender begins by conjuring up the desired feelings or style in an attempt to assuage insecurities. It is common to talk about how we sometimes manipulate others, but the person one most often manipulates oneself. The trap that the Pretender falls into is that they try too hard to control their experience. Feelings and even identities are forced, instead of letting things happen in their own way. Intimacy is lost. 

Imagine putting all of the energy we use in pretending into cultivating ourselves and creating something better of our being. Imagine dropping our pretence to build honest and healthy relationships. So how do we stop pretending?

• Don’t imitate. Everyone is different and so, to copy another’s way of life simply means to suppress who you really are. Create your own path and enjoy walking it.
• Speak the truth. Be honest with yourself and with those you come in contact. When we lie, we out ourselves in constant anxiety because each lie must be covered up by another lie, and so on and so forth.. Being honest is the best way to be at peace with you and with others.
• Find peace in being alone. It is better to be alone and confident in who you are, than to be in the company of others by lying out of fear. Only once you have overridden the fear of being alone, will you be able to let go of the need for social approval. This will allow you to build genuine relationships.
• Do what you love. No matter what others expect from you, try not to compromise your way of life. Whatever you enjoy doing, keep on doing it. 

The only way to really connect with others on a meaningful level is to let them see who we are and to share our experience and what makes us tick. Not everyone will like it and that is okay. It really is. We increase our self worth not by being what others want us to be, but by being true to ourselves. If this feels like a struggle at the moment, talking to a therapist can help in building confidence and in rediscovering who you really are.

Before I sign off, if there’s one lesson I’d like to share from my experience, it’s this: You don’t need to have it together all the time.  You don’t need to be fixed because you are beautifully flawed. We all are. Emotions are neither good or bad and in fact, most people actually appreciate and admire when we share them. Some of the more tender moments that I can remember in my life were when people told me how beautiful I was, not in spite of my feelings but because of them.

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Knowing Yourself

• April 2, 2021
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    “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~ Aristotle

The above saying is a very ancient one, but its meaning has not lost its value. The wisdom it conveys can find application in each one of us, in every activity of our everyday life, for every human being, no matter who they are, what social class they belong to, their gender, the professions they have, or their different skills, without excluding anyone. Even in our modern era, it can find application in everyday life and activities such as education, mental health, or the relationship we build with one another.

The meaning and importance of knowing yourself

But what does it mean to know yourself? How can we achieve that? Where will it lead ? How much does it matter in our everyday life? Learning to know yourself is a long journey. It consists of delving into your past and reflecting on how your life has evolved. The choices and decisions you have made, and what affected you to make those decisions. It means knowing and reflecting on the traits of your character and personality. Knowing yourself means knowing the real you, not just the one you present to the world. Living your life to the fullest cannot happen unless you know yourself and the position you deserve, or more appropriately, what you can achieve. Your character and values you have, your passions and fears, your strengths and weaknesses. During the journey of knowing yourself, you will find the true meaning of your life, you will learn the true wisdom which serves to live a successful and meaningful life.

The most important enterprise in your life is to be able to discover who you truly are. Many people live their lives without knowing or hearing the inner critic that gives wrong ideas about themselves. To find yourself might seem like an inherently self-centered goal, but in fact, it is the most decent process which is the root of everyday life activity. In our interactions with the people and the world, we have to know first our values and what we have to offer. It is a journey worth taking for all of us. It is a process that involves understanding and breaking down your defects which do not represent who you actually are, and recognizing who you want to be in order to fulfill your destiny.  It means to recognize your values and skills, but without closing your eyes on your flaws.  Finding yourself should not be something to fear.

A really good similitude for knowing yourself can be placing yourself on a journey where you definitely need a map to take that journey. Without it, you cannot succeed. Only those who know who they are and their true value in society cannot be disorientated by the different challenges and problems they will face in the journey of their life. This journey you are not going to do alone, you have to mingle yourself with people and cooperate with them. Knowing, accepting, and loving yourself is more important than trying to please the world and seeking their love and approval.

Understanding your values and life

To better understand and get to know yourself, it is important to understand your values and aspirations. You cannot move to action without having evaluated your situation first. Everything has its importance, whether it may be money, power, career, family, or status you want to have in society. If you need to make a decision your values will serve as a signpost to guide you where you want to go. Once everything is clear in your mind and you have set your goals for yourself, you can take that action, for as Toni Collete stated: “The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.”

Techniques for knowing yourself

There are many techniques to know yourself, e.g personality tests, writing a journal, consulting a therapist, taking into consideration the opinions of those who love you and those who don’t or meditating on your life, your past, your childhood, your upbringing, the choices and decisions you made, the inner and outer factors.  Meditation is a very old technique that has helped many human beings to find themselves, to heal their minds. Bryant McGill an American author has wisely stated “Connecting with yourself and knowing yourself is a monumental and life-changing event. To Buddhism practices, meditation can be a solution for our chaotic minds, emptying them of their content, to draw away the disturbing and unfocused objects of consciousness.

Philosophical meditation, on the other hand, wants our thoughts, feelings, and anxieties to trouble us less, it tries to sort out our minds in a different way. While Buddhist meditation tries to empty our minds of their negative content, philosophical meditation tries to clean these minds up: they want to bring the content that worries us more securely into focus, trying to calm us by having a better understanding of them rather than trying to evacuate. Philosophical Meditation brings us peace of mind not by removing issues, but by helping us to have a better understanding of them, therefore letting go of some of our paranoia and static that might cling to them. This technique does not make problems disappear, but they can assume a different proportion and can be managed. In a kind of way it helps you have a different approach toward them.

Reflecting on the past

Our past can reveal who we are, and the factors that led us to what we are today. If we don’t take the courage to explore our past, we cannot understand ourselves and become what we aspire.  Research has shown that our experiences and how we make sense of them define who we become. Unresolved traumas from our history, explain our behavior today. Life story coherence has a “statistically significant relationship to psychological well-being.” Dr. Daniel Siegel explains that  the more we form a “coherent narrative” of our lives, we will be better capable of making mindful, and conscious decisions in our present lives that represent our true selves.

The environment we grew up in, and the way parents and people have treated us as children affect ourselves in what we become. Painful life experiences quite often determine how we define and defend ourselves. In simple words they bend us out of shape, influencing our behavior in something we are not conscious of. For example, a harsh parent might make us feel more guarded. In adulthood, it can limit us in many areas. In order to break free from this pattern of behavior, we need to understand what causes it.  A doctor or therapist can help you to know yourself, but he cannot make your journey for you, you have to look and reflect in your inner world, in your past, how you were treated, what were your reactions. Jaggi Vasudev has shared with us his precious and wise advice: “Knowing yourself has to always come from within. The outside can inspire or guide you, but knowing has to come from within you.”

Understanding yourself leading to a better understanding of  others 

Using a technique called mindsight, “Focusing attention which allows us to see the internal workings of our own mind,” Dr. Siegel was able to better understand his experiences, then talk to his son in order to repair the situation. He states that through this technique, he could use reflections from that conflict to reach a more clear insight from his own childhood experiences. In this way, the most challenging moments of our life can serve us to better understand ourselves and connect with others. This kind of thinking and willingness to face past memories give us valuable insight into our behavior. This would lead us to consciously break free from those harmful influences and alter our behavior to what we want to be in the world.

Carl Jung who is one of the most prominent figures in the science of medicine, specialized in the field of mental health, has given us insight on how knowing yourself can help heal ourselves and others. “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

When you develop a better understanding of yourself, this will improve your capacity to understand better the thoughts and feelings of other people. Knowing yourself is not an ego journey, learning to place yourself in other people’s shoes is a useful social skill in daily life that could be important to gain and promote cross-cultural understanding in society.  People say that when we will be able to know ourselves, then we can know the world. We can see the goodness in each other, and accept life the way it is, that we are truly connected human beings.

Change as a tool for developing yourself

We need to reflect on how we will change and adapt to a person who knows himself. It is obvious that what people know is known to them, but still, we might be able to identify something of what they know. If someone is well aware of who he is, his character with its positive and negative qualities, this would lead to a change in his behavior. Being self aware will have an impact on someone’s life. Self knowledge is not a set of statements that one gives assent to, but it is a set of capacities for dealing with life and the reality we live in.  Someone who knows himself will not blame others for their troubles. They feel all the negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, or becoming upset. But they do not find answers and explanations on outer factors and other people, rather they first take a look at themselves and what their responsibility is. They feel all the negative emotions in their life, they are not perfect, nor is their life perfect. They cope fairly well with criticism. Their great self-knowledge enables them to better face their fears. They can look deep into themselves and the evolution of their personality. What affected their decisions and the reasons behind them. Since they can understand themselves better, this leads to gaining a better understanding of others as well. Knowing yourself means to understand all the traits of your personality, and accept them for what they are. It means accepting life for what it is.

A well-known psychologist, Virginia Satir has shared with us her knowledge and wisdom about knowing ourselves and whose responsibility it is to achieve that. She perfectly stated: “I am me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love myself and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer myself. I am me, and I am okay.”

The problems we deal with in everyday life are the challenges of the reality we live in; to find their solutions, we must first look for them inside us. If we know ourselves, we can improve our character, who we are, and where we want to be. We can create better relationships with the outside world. Within ourselves, we can find the long-awaited answers to our questions. Man faces plenty of challenges and problems in his course of life. It is up to him to turn them to his advantage. The optimist always sees for every problem an opportunity, while the pessimist sees an obstacle in every possibility.  You must not blame the outside world for every failure of yours when your inner world is destroyed. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to develop yourself and your potential. You have to know yourself with its positive aspects and flaws; you have to understand yourself first, then you will be able to understand the people around you properly. Only then will you see reality for what it truly is. Improvement cannot happen without knowing, understanding, and accepting who you are, neither living a meaningful life. 

We will conclude with the wise words of Maulana Rumi that summarize all we tried to explain: “Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

References:

• A Guide to Finding Yourself,  SELF DEVELOPMENT, BY PsychAlive, https://www.psychalive.org/finding-yourself/ . 
• Aristotle quoted in goodreads, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/3102-knowing-yourself-is-the-beginning-of-all-wisdom
• Carl Jung, quoted in AZQUOTES, https://www.azquotes.com/author/7659-Carl_Jung/tag/darkness
• Collete, Toni. ”The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.”Quotes>Authors>T>Toni Collete, AZQUOTES,   https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/know-yourself.html
• Daley, Terri. Want to be happy ? Try to get to know your self, THE CONVERSATION. https://theconversation.com/want-to-be-happier-try-getting-to-know-yourself-109451
• Divinity, Jeremy. Know Thyself: A Short Essay on The Importance of Knowing,  medium.com Apr, 3 2017.  https://medium.com/@jeremydivinity/know-thyself-a-short-essay-on-the-importance-of-knowing-4f9a92255236
• Jaggi Vasudev. “Knowing yourself has to always come from within. The outside can inspire or guide you, but knowing has to come from within you.” quotefancy.  
• https:// quotefancy.com/quote/1534421/Jaggi-Vasudev-Knowing-yourself-has-to-always-come-from-within-The-outside-can-inspire-or#:~:text=…%E2%80%9D%20
• Jensen, Maria. How to know yourself and seek self improvement, Lifehack,  November 4, 2020. https://www.lifehack.org/822901/know-yourself-and-seek-self-improvement
• Know Yourself, Self Knowledge, THESCHOOLOFLIFE, \ https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/know-yourself/   
• McGill, Bryant. “Connecting with yourself and knowing yourself is a monumental and life changing event” Quote Master https://www.quotemaster.org/qc558fb955d532337c3774514873600e0
• Nierenberg, Cari. Knowing Yourself: How to Improve YourUnderstainding of Others, LIVESICIENCE, June 02, 2017.  https://www.livescience.com/59349-knowing-yourself-helps-your-understand-others.html
• Rawat, Prem. The Importance of Knowing yourself, TimelessTodayt, Oct 09, 2019 https://www.timelesstoday.tv/the-importance-of-knowing-yourself
• Rumi quote,  Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/121070-everything-in-the-universe-is-within-you-ask-all-from
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself, habitsforwellbeing,  https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/importance-knowing/
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself, THEHELLYEAHGROUB, December 5, 2016. https://thehellyeahgroup.com/blog/2016/6/28/the-importance-of-knowing-yourself
• Virginia Satir quoted in goodreads,  https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/312508.Virginia_Satir#:~:text=%E2%80%9CI%20am%20Me.,be%20to%20others%20or%20myself .

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Importance of Knowing Yourself Philosophy Essay Sample

Man throughout his life deals with the knowledge of the world, of various phenomena which may make us think that we know everything, but in reality we know nothing. We spend so much time of our lives dealing with the lives of others that we forget what is most important, knowing ourselves. But why might self-knowledge be necessary?

To live and understand life, we must first know and understand ourselves, the person we are and this process requires time and commitment, we even say that it is very difficult, but not impossible. No one can know man better than himself. Man is not a static being which means that he and his behaviors will constantly change over time. So we must recognize ourselves as a continuum, having a past, present and future, which affect the way of life of the individual. This is what makes us a special being, a being different from others.

Each of us possesses some character qualities that make us unique and are exactly what create the personality. To know ourselves requires being real with it. He who engages in self-knowledge is a man who has good relations with himself, he is the one who gives more importance to the inner spiritual and intellectual values ​​and not to the external appearance, he is the one who knows how to respect and accept the other as is. Knowing oneself is about considering not only the best side of oneself but also the bad side. The important thing is to know how to accept ourselves as we are, and not to put on some masks on occasion, to embellish or hide what is in reality.

Man knows himself, not only by looking within it, but also by the way others see it, so man can create that deeper knowledge. Often a person is not sure who he is, doubts himself, is surprised by the values ​​and behaviors he displays without thinking to anyone else. If man does not understand his inside, he finds it impossible to understand what is happening outside of it, and he also finds it impossible to understand the other. We need to know ourselves in every way possible, to the point where we are confident in our decisions, to the point where we can say, "Yes, that's what I want."

Knowing ourselves is very important because it helps us build self-confidence, helps us accept ourselves with the positive and negative that is in us. Man, no matter how hard he tries to know himself, it remains unknown to him. Let us not be afraid of knowing ourselves, even though sometimes it is difficult and tedious not to give up, but to continue persistently saying: Who am I?

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• To lead well, know yourself
• Community development
• Vital Connections

In community leadership, having a good sense of self can help you relate well to others. But knowing yourself means spending some time looking inward. Just ask Paul Torkelson.

Torkelson applied what he learned about himself while participating in the Minnesota Agriculture and Rural Leadership Program (MARL) to help him think about his leadership in the Minnesota House of Representatives. MARL is one of many leadership education cohorts offered by Extension's Leadership and Civic Engagement (LCE) educators. It is a two-year leadership program offered through a partnership between the University of Minnesota and Southwest Minnesota State University since 2000.

The program gave Torkelson the opportunity to explore his personal leadership style. "I happen to be an introvert," he says. "What I didn't understand before the program, but understand now, is how important it is for me as an introvert to take some time after doing a lot of public work to recharge my batteries. I learned energy is drained away from me when I'm working in the public whereas an extrovert gains energy from the public. Learning that was extremely beneficial for me." (Listen to Torkelson describe his leadership experience .)

Looking inward

Torkelson learned his preference for introversion by taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) inventory. The assessment tool, which is used in many of Extension's LCE program, is based on Carl Jung's theory of psychological types. Its purpose is to uncover the ways people prefer to use their perception and judgment. It is important to realize, however, that the MBTI is not a test but a personal inventory; it describes rather than prescribes . "It is meant to help people know more about themselves and the impact they have on others," says Mike Liepold, LCE statewide educator and primary educator for the MARL program.

For example, those with extrovert and introvert preferences tend to approach situations differently. "Someone who prefers extroversion, for instance, may 'think out loud,'" says Mary Ann Hennen, program leader for Leadership and Civic Engagement programs at Extension. "They often are one of the first to talk at a meeting. Those who consider themselves introverts, on the other hand, will tend to compile their thoughts first."

Self-assessments can have practical, day-to-day applications, too. "The MBTI is meant to help people increase their ability to adapt to a multitude of real-life situations," says Leadership and Civic Engagement educator Catherine Rasmussen. She often delivers the MBTI to several Extension leadership education cohorts each year. "The goal is not just to understand oneself but to better understand others' styles as well," Rasmussen says. "Understanding why others communicate, make decisions, perceive things, or work differently can help you become a more effective leader."

Along with measuring one's preference toward extraversion or introversion, the MBTI tool also looks at tendencies toward sensing and intuition (being concerned with the here and now vs. what might be), thinking and feeling (being focused on the issue first vs. the person), and judging and perceiving (preferring to plan vs. spontaneity). Understanding these preferences helps you adjust your behavior (for example, being conscious of your tendency to fill silences during meetings rather than asking for additional time to respond). Perhaps most important, it helps you understand and relate to others' needs and preferences.

Beyond the Myers-Briggs

In addition to the Myers-Briggs tool, Liepold and Rasmussen use other self-assessments to guide participants in their programs. One is the Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i), which measures emotional intelligence. He explains that emotional intelligence is a set of emotional and social skills that establish how we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain personal relationships, and cope with challenges. "We've learned there's a correlation between emotional intelligence, as measured by EQ-i, and leadership," Liepold says. "Participants can increase their leadership ability by knowing where to focus their efforts."

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is another self-assessment tool Liepold uses, and it describes how a person manages conflict. The use of multiple self-assessment tools provides a holistic view of one's personality and leadership style, and combining the results of each offers greater insight into understanding the most about yourself.

Avoiding possible pitfalls

While self-assessment tools are a helpful way to learn more about your leadership style, they can also make it easier for people to label one another. "People use labels to help them manage the complexities in the world around them," Hennen says. "But that is dangerous, because preconceived notions about personality types based only on what others see can cause people to get pegged incorrectly or unfairly."

The best way to overcome these assumptions is to realize they are just that - assumptions. The results of self-assessments are simply an indication of preferences, and learning to recognize each other's preferences is the best way to embrace them. "In our leadership programs, we stress to people that self-assessments are not meant to pigeon-hole or stereotype," Rasmussen says. "Rather, they help indicate areas of personal and professional development and growth."

Becoming a better leader

The key to relating well to others is, ultimately, first being able to relate well to yourself. "Leaders need to understand themselves in order to lead," Liepold says. "Understanding yourself helps you better understand others." And that type of self-knowledge makes a difference.

• Extension leadership education
• Minnesota Agriculture and Rural Leadership (MARL)
• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ® (MBTI®)
• The Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-I)
• Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

Mary Ann Hennen, Michael Liepold,  Catherine Rasmussen

Elyse Paxton

Reviewed in 2014

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